Keeping tabs on him through social media

[bitterruin]

It's been a month since I last had contact with my ex. I don't remember exactly when was the last time I spoke to him but he sent me an email last week the day before what would have been our fifth anniversary but I didn't respond.

 

I've stayed strong keeping NC so far but I feel like I'm starting to falter. I've been having the urge to check up on him by stalking him through social media. I've been thinking of checking his Instagram and see what he's up to. I know it would be a big mistake to do that so I haven't, but I don't know how long I can go on. I really want to move on and I know I won't be able to if I keep tabs on him.

 

I've been trying to distract myself by going out with friends and just leaving the house whenever I feel lonely and can't stop thinking about him, but I don't know what else I can do to get him off my mind those times when I can't simply leave the house.

[aisuru]

DO NOT CHECK HIS SOCIAL MEDIA. You will most likely regret it and it will set you back.

 

Time to take care of you and figure out how to fill the void. Here's my advice:

 

Here is my go to list when I'm going through a difficult time. In addition to the list, you may want to consider therapy. It works wonders for me and keeps me honest with myself.

 

1. Must shower and get ready for the day within 2 hours of waking up so you are not tempted to lay on the couch all day vegging out to TV. Sitting around doing nothing allows you too much time in your head. Necessary sometimes, but don't fall into that trap.

 

2. Go to the gym. It's just a fact that you will feel better after exercise and it's good for you. It doesn't hurt your self confidence that you might even shave off a few pounds or tone up a bit.

 

3. Write down your thoughts and feelings. In a journal, on a blog, anywhere. Sometimes I just need to get the rambling thoughts out of my head so I can better manage my feelings. Be honest in your writings.

 

4. Take a walk or sit outside for a half hour to hour. The daylight will do you good.

 

5. Renew your interest in a past hobby or go out and learn something new. I used to quilt and scrapbook in my 20s but allowed my career, relationships, and life to let them fall by the wayside in my 30s. I'm getting back into quilting and I signed up for a photography class, something I have always wanted to do.

 

6. Go to the local farmer's market and wander around.

 

7. Get out and volunteer. I do this anyway and it really helps put your own issues into perspective while empowering you through helping others.

 

8. Write down 5 long term life goals and 5 short term life goals. Think about how you're going to get there and map it out. Now is a good time to straighten out your finance goals as well.

 

9. Stay away from alcohol, nicotine, or other toxic substances. Right now you need to take care of yourself by eating healthy and taking vitamins. Drink lots of water!

 

10. Write a list of what you want in a relationship. Write a list of what traits you could improve in yourself for the next relationship. Write a list of things about yourself in the last relationship that you didn't like and would like to do differently. Write a list of what you want in your next partner. Keep these lists short. They will be eye opening and help you to focus on how to be a better partner and contribute to a better relationship.

 

11. Have a couple trusted friends who you can call or who can come over and listen to you cry any time day or night. Rotate these friends as you don't want to burn them out from listening to you obsess about the guy. Maybe gift them with a massage or mani/pedi to thank them for their support.

 

12. Write an action plan of these or other things you will do to get on with your life and focus on your. Paste a copy of this action plan on your bathroom mirror so you see it daily. Read it daily.

 

You have to fill that void in yourself that thoughts of your ex are occupying. Discover who you are and what you love to do. Not only will you feel better, it will make you more attractive to somebody else in the future.

 

Be easy on yourself. Time really does help to heal a broken heart. But take advantage of this low point to learn about yourself, learn how to love yourself, and learn how you want to live your life.

[BustedUpInside]

I completely agree with the previous post. There is nothing good to be gained from checking up on your ex online.

 

Let me give you a scenario. Let's say you do check up on your ex and you see that he is really sad. His life seems to be going in a downward spiral and everything sucks. Would that really help you move on? Wouldn't you just be sadder because his life is awful, but he still hasn't come back?

 

What about this scenario? One where you look and his life is awesome. He has a wonderful new girlfriend and has been so much happier since the break up. Wouldn't you be heartbroken all over again? Wouldn't you really regret looking at all that info?

 

What about the most likely scenario? The one where he doesn't say much of anything. Life seems to be pretty normal and there aren't a lot of new developments. I know that this has been the case almost every single time that I have checked up on my ex online. That is why I stopped doing it. I realized that his life was pretty much the same except that I wasn't in it anymore. I could keep checking forever and nothing would change except that I would be wasting time and energy searching for clues that would never be there.

 

All I am suggesting is that next time you are tempted to look at his online info, just picture the most likely scenarios and figure out if any of those would help you process the reality or be a potential setback. Then decide if it is even worth it or if you could really be spending your time focusing on someone much more important........You!

[bitterruin]

Aisuru, I really like your list. I already do some of these things but will consider doing the rest, though staying away from alcohol might be almost impossible on the weekends

 

Busted, you're right, I think I expect to see the two more unlikely scenarios rather than the more realistic one, which is that his life is still normal, if anything he can control what he puts on social media so he'll only put good things.

I actually blocked him on my twitter today cause I felt like he uses it to look at my tweets and while I was there I saw that his last tweet was about being excited about the new season of True Blood starting up, though that was the only thing I read since I was trying to avoid my eyes from wandering, still, I wasn't expecting to see anything since I didn't think he used it at all.

 

I'll continue avoiding him even though it gets harder and harder as time passes.

[BustedUpInside]

I'll continue avoiding him even though it gets harder and harder as time passes.

 

 

It will only be harder for a little while. If you can keep it up and make it through this little snag, it really will get a lot easier. At first you actively have to try to ignore him, then you only have to think about it once in awhile, and finally you aren't really ignoring him anymore, you are just living your life without him. Keep up the good work; you can do this!

[ddlovexx]

Don't do it. I just checked mine and he's already got pics of him kissing the new girl, a measly 2 weeks after our breakup.

 

It's not worth it. I've just taken 5 steps back... don't do it. BLOCK EVERYTHING. Keep moving forward.

[Zammo25]

Mr Perfects Mug is still on her FB page a year on so I can only assume they are still in relationship bliss. Probably engaged now for all I know. I do know as long as his mug is on there , they are still together. I check, I know it is not good but I am " human after all " as Daft Punk once said.

[bitterruin]

I still haven't caved. I know that it'll be really bad for me if I do. I just remind myself that if I see something it'll only cause a lot of pain, then I go do something else for a while and the temptation goes away.

 

It's been really tough having to resist, but if I can do it so can anyone struggling.

[big bear]

I blocked everyone that was remotely reminded of the pain and then deactivated FB long long back..

 

Somewhere I heard, it's better to remove the traces of temptation rather than fight it.

 

Too drastic and counter productive at times though.

[bitterruin]

I blocked everyone that was remotely reminded of the pain and then deactivated FB long long back..

 

Somewhere I heard, it's better to remove the traces of temptation rather than fight it.

 

Too drastic and counter productive at times though.

 

I blocked every single person on facebook that was closer to him than to me. I also had my best friend set up a parental control so I can't access his Facebook, Instagram or Tumblr from my computer even if I unblocked him. I can't do the same on my phone or my sister's computer though, and I pretty much have access to these things 24/7. And although blocking him from my computer helps I know there's a way around it if I wanted it bad enough.

 

I've blocked as much access as I can no matter how drastic it seemed and it's still not enough.

[big bear]

Make a commitment to yourself that every time you are gonna check it, before it you will run/jog/go for a walk.

 

In the earlier days, I committed I will do 20 push ups before checking. Guess what laziness won over heart break!!