Giha Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) So I live in a suburb. Ex lives in a city about 25 minute's drive from here. My grandparents live in the same city also. My family and I were invited for dinner at my grandparent's, but for some reason I'm afraid of going to this city again. She lives about 1-2 km from them. It's not that I'm afraid of bumping into her, that's really not going to happen...but just being there seems like such a weird idea. Like being so close to her but also so far is a lot to take, and also to see all the places we used to visit...I don't know why I feel so afraid of this. Did anyone else experience this feeling? I know it's probably an irrational feeling but still... We've been broken up for almost 3 weeks, by the way. Edited May 24, 2013 by Giha
SadHumiliated Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 So I live in a suburb. Ex lives in a city about 25 minute's drive from here. My grandparents live in the same city also. My family and I were invited for dinner at my grandparent's, but for some reason I'm afraid of going to this city again. She lives about 1-2 km from them. It's not that I'm afraid of bumping into her, that's really not going to happen...but just being there seems like such a weird idea. Like being so close to her but also so far is a lot to take, and also to see all the places we used to visit...I don't know why I feel so afraid of this. Did anyone else experience this feeling? I know it's probably an irrational feeling but still... We've been broken up for almost 3 weeks, by the way. When we form memories with people those memories can stick around the places they were formed. It is very very common to feel this way about a place or area if you associate it with your ex. The best way to get over this is to make new memories of that place to replace the old ones. I would go and be with your family and try to make newer, stronger memories. This feeling will fade with time. But don't worry, there is nothing irrational about feeling the way you do. It is very normal.
ThatJustHappened Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 My current boyfriend lived 1 block away from my ex before him. No joke..1 block! It was weird at first, I'd hyperventilate every time I drove past my old ex's place. But eventually I stopped caring. You will too! Your ex can't take a whole city away from you.
Kay_29 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Just LIVE........... why are you giving someone whose no longer in your life so much power over you. Your the only one that has control over your happiness... you will stay stuck in this rut until you gain back control.
Author Giha Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Yeah you guys are right. This break up did my enough damage already and I must live my life and have control back. I'm writing this from my grandparents house btw. It's not easy but eff it. Gotta move on.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 It's one thing to avoid a hangout of an ex or a restaurant/place that you used to go to with him or her (I think we've all done that) but an entire city seems way too much.
iouaname Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I don't think that it's irrational at all. I'm five-months post-breakup and there are still a lot of triggers that I have to avoid. I haven't listened to music since we broke up, as bizarre as that sounds. I applaud you for doing it, though. In theory, the best way to deal with something is to face it head-on, right?
BustedUpInside Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 You already know the answer Yes, it is irrational, but it also completely normal. You have spent 3 weeks trying to break all the associations with the relationship so that you can move past your ex, but now the prospect of seeing those things makes you nervous that you might have a breakdown. Well, that is not going to happen. You will be just fine. You are going to see those things and some might make you sad, some might make you mad, and some might make you nostalgic, but the person who is looking at those is a different person than the one three weeks ago. You are stronger now. You can handle these situations and you will have new experiences. New memories of the same places to replace the old ones. You can do it! 1
Kay_29 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 first step is knowing what you must do and whats good for... your heading in the right direction it'll be hard just hang in there take it day by day it gets better...
ForeverHopeful1 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Just LIVE........... why are you giving someone whose no longer in your life so much power over you. Your the only one that has control over your happiness... you will stay stuck in this rut until you gain back control. Probably because they only broke up 3 weeks ago and he cared. Just a thought. He came for support, not to be told to get over it in no time. Its only been a few weeks. OP - take the time you need and vent away. We are here. Its only been a few weeks since your break up. It is very normal to feel this way.
mammasita Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Irrational - yes. Normal - yes. I agree, just live.....the feelings will eventually pass. Going back to the area after the first time post breakup will make you feel like "I can't believe I was afraid to do this"
Author Giha Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Probably because they only broke up 3 weeks ago and he cared. Just a thought. He came for support, not to be told to get over it in no time. Its only been a few weeks. OP - take the time you need and vent away. We are here. Its only been a few weeks since your break up. It is very normal to feel this way. He's right though The sooner I free myself of everything, the better It may be hard but it has to be done
Kay_29 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Didnt mean to sound harsh sorry .... wasnt my intention, just a lil tough love. Its still very fresh and yes go through the motions of anger, hurt, pain to get it out your system... with time everyday gets better!!!
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 OP - I totally understand. I have been a few times to the part of city where we lived together for a while to visit friends and it's a huge trigger. All of the places we used to eat, drink or just walk down the street together holding hands. It's very difficult, and I always feel very low during and after for a bit. Completely understandable to me... If it hurts, don't do it, unless you feel up to the challenge. Your still pretty fresh and raw, so I don't think it says anything to avoid it....
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