stupid_ex Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Almost 5 months since ex broke up with me. 4 months was spent with me begging, him push and pulling etc....basically constant contact but no real closure. I did 6 weeks of no contact and that was the longest we have ever gone without talking. He isn't with anyone else (He said the next person has pretty big shoes to fill and has to be better than me), says he isn't looking for a new partner. He is on dating sites, chatting to other people and he has had hook ups. He says he loves and cares for me very much. He doesn't want to be in a relationship at the moment, he is happy with his freedom and he is enjoying his time.(If he did want a relationship, I would be the first person he would consider). I believe he does still love and care for me very much. He is still sexually attracted to me but he doesn't want to be tied down. Whenever we meet up, the connection and tension and love is still there. He did try to sleep with me since the break up but I said no. Anyhow, we are on speaking terms. Talk every day, sometimes a few times a day. I have had a hard time with this break up as I still very much love him. I am moving across the globe to create distance so I can heal. He said to me he doesn't think I should leave, because my friends will miss me. (I don't know if it is him who is going to miss me) he said he gives me 3 months and I will be back. (I have no plans to return until a year) I want to get back with him but where to from here? I was thinking of still staying in contact for the moment and wait until things getting a closer with each other and than just stop contact all together. Leave it at that. go overseas, work on myself and see what happens. This should create a WTF moment for him. What do you think? Do you have any other ideas?
far_far_away Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I had a really similar situation when I left Aus. We were broken up after four years together but we remained in constant contact but not really together but still hooking up. I wanted to get back together offically but was too scared to even ask. It was so draining. I just left, went to Europe and ended up settling in the UK. It was still hard, but so much easier than it would have been to do at home. I know you should not run from your problems but it was amazing how much perspective I gained being away from him and realizing what I wanted. It didn't create a WTF moment for him, so much as me and I was very happy with my choice. We are still on speaking terms, but he is actually kind of a boring guy and I dont really reply that much to him anymore. Good luck.
TaraMaiden Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I'm sorry to see you are still going on about this. Your level of confusion would be much reduced, if you stayed out of his way and didn't respond. You still love him. Friendship is impossible. You should be in No Contact until such a time as you can behold him indifferently. I'll be blunt, until then, this is just lather, rinse repeat. Aren't you getting just a little sick and tired of it?
FailedFirstLove Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 IM like you too, constantly going back and speaking to the ex. It always ends up in pain cause he will get to a period where he will ignore me. Its a vicious cycle. If you can help it get out! It doesn't matter how you leave it. Although to be honest, it feels alot better when his the one contacting and you ignore. Haha so if you have the upper hand, take it and run
Author stupid_ex Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 I agree with all you have said. It is so hard. I can't understand, if I am as special and wonderful as he thinks I am, why wouldn't he be with me? Why would he be chatting to strangers on dating/sex sites? Complains he is alone, will always be alone and he doesn't have any friends just people he knows. Yet with me, he has someone that truly loves and cares for him. Someone who supports him, never asking for anything in return, treats him with respect and always wants the best for him but I feel giving so much, I am not good enough for him. I know, I should just walk away and find someone better. It kills me to see him on dating sites and it is also my fault that I get upset because I stalk him on these sites. Moving to South America is as far away from Australia as possible. I need to vreate this distance. I want him to realise how special and good he has it and he will lose all this. I really am at the end of fighting for him. I have shed enough tears for him. I really wish I stayed single. I hate being emotionally attached to someone. I think he will be my last. Invest in a dog at least they are loyal.
mbee Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 We are hurting there with you. I have a similar issue with my ex. He even wrote me a 6 page message on Facebook just a few days ago telling me how he felt broken and was wondering if he was telling himself a terrible lie. He said how wonderful I was and how he didn't feel whole anymore. I fell for it, and then bam, the next message he's telling me it breaks his heart to tell me we will never be together again, that he'll never be mine even if the answer is true. WTF right? Some people have some deep underlying issues. And you are right. If your ex wants you, he'd be with you. To be honest, I don't think you are giving him the space to want you. I don't think your intentions should be to get with him anyway, and it's clear this moving away thing is an attempt to make him want you back. I totally get that and I'm struggling with making some large changes in my life to at least get that space from my ex, and as embarrassing as it is to admit it, to make him see what a terrible mistake he's making. Like the previous poster said, it may not have the WTF moment. Expect the worse, and believe that you may leave and he may miss you, but not want you back. Also, this guy has some serious problems if he's feeling alone and lonely. He needs space to get his own life together. South America will be awesome! Make new friends, new memories, and be positive about your life. Your ex will see that and will likely be drawn to you again, but by that time hopefully you'll move on. At this point if your ex was serious he'd cut the dating sites, cut the BS, and actually work to be yours again. That's just a fact and it's so easy to make excuses for someone and hope that your actions will influence the other person, but it's more realistic to assume the worst and focus on living your own life happily. Good luck on your move!
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