What.. the ... hell....??!? Hard to get or??

[Aow4321]

To start off-About me: Im a thin attractive guy, whos considered really funny and fun to be around by my friends(girls and guys, but girls laugh more), I always give people space because I like it myself(dont normally get attached or oppressive).

 

Okay, so theres this girl Ive went out with about 3 times in the past month(hung out the second time the weekend after I met her). Shes my good friends best friend. Face to face she seems totally into me, touching, laughing constantly, high energy, ignores her phone the whole time, playing with her hair, eating off the same utensils, resting on each other, etc etc etc. So Im really feeling her, she has a great time each time with me, so I was gonna ask her out over the phone this past Tues on an actual date, and was feeling very confident.. only one problem.....

 

Remember I said she never uses her phone when shes around me? Well she takes 10 mins-2 hours to return texts(like a 15-30 min average). Posts on facebook maybe once every 6 months lol and blah. But she usually eventually answers.

 

Now when I called Tues at about 5 pm she didnt answer, but then she texted me that she was at work(she usually gets off at 9), so I said cool Ill call you tomorrow afternoon then. Later that night she called, a little after 9, but I was jogging.. she did however leave a voicemail, it was playful, funny(like how she is face to face) and basically said "can you please call me back" at the end. So I tried calling her back 30 mins after but she didnt pick up, so I sent a text poking fun at her about telling me to call back but not picking up, threw in an lol it was all jokes, and I think I said Ill call tomorrow its all good.

 

Call Wednesday at about 4 pm and again no answer, normal. So I left her a voicemail mimicking hers she left me, again something she would find funny in person. Also sent a text saying "you are.. so hard.. to get a hold of", because it does get frustrating. This is where I started getting worried... she didnt respond the whole day, but I left her alone.

 

Finally I decide to give it one more try for the weekend, I REALLY wanted to ask this chick out, nice fun girl, cute, plays video games, she really intrigued me(I didnt overly show it I dont think until maybe now..) so again I call her around 2 or 3, leave a voicemail saying basically "I give up calling this week, if you wanna go out this weekend call me" also mentioned in it I had something I wanted to ask her, and slipped a few jokes in as well(dont worry it was quick). I think I hid my annoyed/frustrated tone well and tried to keep a cheerful rhythm with my message, dunno if I succeeded but I think I did mostly, thats why I made a joke or two. Now again.. the whole day.. no response......

 

So now here I am.. Im not hurt that she didnt answer, I dont get attached that easily, however whats bothering me is WHY isnt she responding, idk if I offended her, or shes playing hard to get, or she just suddenly lost interest. She even said in her voicemail to call her back, so I tried and she just ignores? I feel somethings wrong and Im the type of person that loves answers to everything, OCD runs in my family to a degree lol.

 

So idk guys, maybe you all can help me out here, what do you think is going on here? Im going out of town for the weekend and am just gonna forget about her for a week as of right now. Lemme know what you all think, thanks for any help!!

Edited May 24, 2013 by Aow4321

[kassy]

Could be anything, could have found out someone close to her is sick or something, or she isn't all that into you.

 

Leave it. Don't contact her again. If she contacts you, she will likely give you a reason why she didn't pick up. You can decide at that point if she is worth seeing again. If she doesn't contact you... She isn't that into you.

[Scrab22]

This is why I hate connection through phones. You just CAN'T catch anyone.

I also don't like the whole hard-to-get concept, since it's a waste of time.

 

Let's put it that way. She's busy. One thing *I* find unattractive is someone who is always busy and invalid on the phone.

 

By the way, I'm a guy too.

 

Try to find someone more organized with himself. Someone who won't just get away from calls or whatever. Don't worry too much about how much time it takes to answer.

If I had a Girlfriend, I'd nearly give up texting and make voice calls and meetings instead, since it's such a distant way to communicate, demolishing emotions and other important communication factors.

[Aow4321]

The reason Im so confused is Ive never had a (non-one-night-stand)girl come on to me so hard and fast before, she is fairly obvious, so Im just lost now.. lol. She lives 30 mins away so we HAVE to communicate through phone a bit to set up plans, and we have, but now.. idk

 

Is it possible she knows what I want to ask and doesnt want to move that fast?.. It seems unlikely though because she was 5x more flirty/touchy than I was..

[Scrab22]

Of course she knows. I have no idea why she doesn't answer.

I can understand your understanding of her since you have some relationship with her. But since I'm a stranger for her, from my point of view, she's not worth any more asking.

 

Now it's her turn to respond.

 

I've lost my trust to people since my 1st breakup (I was the dumpee), and looking forward for a cure to this.

But if she was my contact, I'd leave her to answer. If I saw her and noticed that she'd forgotten about the whole dating attempts, I would have given up on her, even as a friend. But that's just me.

Being friends doesn't harm, as long as you ACTUALLY want to.

But keep in mind that float-heads will never be able to be direct. They will go to one direction, then to another, and another...

 

I'm not trying to accuse your friend. Maybe float-head is a thick way of describing her case, but perhaps you understand?

[Cutiepie1976]

Hard to say what is going on at this point. If you're in the US, it's a holiday weekend. Maybe she's on vacation. Maybe she's not interested. Maybe she found some of your jokes offensive. Who knows? Let it go.

 

Next time, strike while the iron is hot. Ask her out while she's flirting with you in person, rather than dillydally, wait and call her afterwards to play this never-ending morass of phone tag, jokes, and mixed messages.

[FemmeMystere]

Well, speaking from personal experience, the only time I'd really treat a guy like this is when I like him, but I'm dating someone else I like a bit more.

 

I was recently in a situation like this - I was seeing two guys, one was handsome, smart, and had a great personality, but I wasn't sure if he really "liked" me, or if he was just being nice. He was super polite and conversational during our first date, but he was also like that with the waitstaff! He didn't do anything to escalate the sexual chemistry between us, no touching, no flirting... the vibe was pretty platonic. He complimented my earrings :-/ So I was slow to get back to his texts and calls, as developing a new friendship wasn't a priority for me.

 

Guy #2 wasn't as attractive or compatible as guy #1, but I liked him enough, and he was flirtatious and immediately made it clear that he was interested in being more than friends. There was plenty of kissing, flirting and touching. Since it was completely obvious that our feelings were mutual, I felt more comfortable investing time in pursuing a relationship with him.

 

Long story short, I still managed to go on a few dates with guy #1, because I did like him and wanted to give him a chance. I found out that in spite of his confident exterior, he was pretty geeky at heart, and really shy about interacting with the opposite sex. With that perspective, I was able to get him to open up, and bam... the chemistry skyrocketed. Bye bye guy #2! We've been seeing a lot of each other lately, and it's safe to say that I'm pretty crazy about him now

 

That said, my advice to you is to take the lead and show that you're interested in being more than a friend. You say she's being more flirty than you - don't let it stay that way! You should be just as or (preferably) slightly more flirtatious than her. You may think that you're showing it (my guy thought he was too - ha), but up the ante next time. That isn't to say be creepy or come on too strong, but girls like sex too. Let her know clearly that you find her irresistible. Joking around can be fun, but it can also give you a "little brother" feel. I'd say cut back on the joking, and when you do joke, slip a few salacious innuendos in there. Casually bring up the topic of sex and find out what she likes. 99% of the time, when guys get "friend zoned," it's because they're afraid of being too sexual. If a girl is attracted to and feels comfortable with you, she's thinking about what it would be like to have sex with you too.

 

Also, don't worry so much about talking on the phone or texting right now. Focus on winning her over in person... you have plenty of time to talk on the phone, but for now, most of your seduction should take place face to face. Good luck!

Edited May 28, 2013 by FemmeMystere

[shexy]

Maybe she's super nice/friendly/flirty with everyone? It just seems to me if she was interested, she'd either answer the phone or return your call. If I were you, I wouldn't initiate any more contact.