SimonSerenade Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 So it's safe to say my relationship is back on track again, we were broken up for just over 2 weeks, in that time I had gone complete NC zone, found it hard as I stupidly looked her up and found some stuff from her past that I completely misread, felt like she lied to me the whole time but thankfully I still managed to maintain no contact until one night I had a moment of complete weakness and just felt that I needed to try to get her back at least once and if I got rejected then I would at least know where I stand I wouldn't wonder "what if?". I honesty expected her to reject me and tell me off, turns out she was too scared to call me incase I was really mad at her which was the opposite of what I was really feeling, so we talked and we agreed we would take it slow and build again, things have been going pretty well lately since then and right now it feels like we're on a roll. I geuss my point is that even though going no contact is effective and it's definitely the right move to make if you've exhausted your options but I think unless you really want it to be over you should take that one last plunge and give yourself that closure that it really is over, waiting for your ex to call and generally hoping they will is a game that can last months, even years and its just not good for your health. You'd also be surprised, I asked my ex how she felt when we had broken up, I had assumed the worst thinking she was getting on with it like I was never a part of her life at all, turns out she was in tears the whole time, it's easy to think that our exs can switch off feelings and hate them for how easy a decision it was to throw us away like that but behind the scenes, it's a complete different story, someone's devestating, either way for most of our exs it was actually the hardest decision they ever had to make. I'm not telling anyone on here to go and call there ex up and give it a go but if you truly are wondering and if you have nothing left to lose, I encourage you to reach out one last time, you just never know what might happen, I felt I owed it to myself to open up and pour my heart out one last time and for the first time in my life I actually got somewhere.
aisuru Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Why did you guys break up? Were you the dumpee? What did you say to her when you initially broke your NC? Regardless, I'm happy for you and hope the two of you find happiness and that it works out.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Congrats, but let's see how long this takes. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but a lot of these instant reconciliations turn sour pretty quickly because people revert back into the old cycle which caused the breakup in the first place. Hope I'm wrong.
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Why did you guys break up? Were you the dumpee? What did you say to her when you initially broke your NC? Regardless, I'm happy for you and hope the two of you find happiness and that it works out. I was the dumpee, she left because she felt I was jealous and over bearing and since I lost her I realised I caused the one thing I desperately tried to prevent in the first, I worked on it and I'm still working on it and I got to say, all that bothered me before doesnt anymore, nothing was worth losing her. It also appeared to me at the time when she broke up with me that she was taking a ride on the grass is greener merry go round, she kept spouting she was too young for commitment, she's snapped out of it since, it felt weird for the first few days of being back together, I have a feeling our love brought her round again, she just turned 21 so I understood what she was feeling, not saying its possible to snap them out of gigs but its worth a try. I can't remember everything I said to her that night, despite bring so heartbroken I hid my tears well and kept a calm and compossed tone in my voice, I said I really couldn't be without her and that this was tearing me apart, I said I loved her and I missed her and I only wanted the best for her and truly believed if I was given time and some affection I could show her that I was the best for her, we talked and talked and she opened up and said she was finding it too hard to and wanted to try again too. One of our problems was that she felt smothered, we talked to da bothered too much and it was hard for her to balance on top of work and everything else, we talk over our iPods and a night or two in the week and I think it's helped the both of us, someone's space can be such a wonderful thing and I think most exs actually end it because they just don't get any. This break up if nothing other than being very painful has taught me to think out side of the box and its helped me to understand her more. Thanks, I love this website, there's some amazing people on here who don't deserve to go through the hell they've been put through right now, I hope everyone can find there happy ending one way or another, before my girlfriend now I was on here desperately trying to get over the mother of my child, back then I would of done anything to be a family with her again, after 1.5 years of being broken up she comes back just as I'm getting with my girlfriend and I was so in love with my girlfriend that I didn't even give her a second thought because the thought of being with anyone else would of just felt wrong. It's crazy how things work out sometimes just thought I'd share that last thing and hope it gives people some hope of happiness in the future, I never thought it was possible but it does happen.
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Congrats, but let's see how long this takes. Not to be a Debbie Downer, but a lot of these instant reconciliations turn sour pretty quickly because people revert back into the old cycle which caused the breakup in the first place. Hope I'm wrong. There's always that possibility and believe me it's in the back of my mind, it's hard to feel safe with someone who's left you before but I think it was necessary at the time as we both had issues to work out but as it stands I've stuck with my stance and I'm making improvents and so is she but if it doesn't work out then at least I can say I well and truly tried which would do a lot to ease my mind if she leaves again, either way just spending the time I have spent with her again is precious and it's time im treasuring so I have no regrets.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 There's always that possibility and believe me it's in the back of my mind, it's hard to feel safe with someone who's left you before but I think it was necessary at the time as we both had issues to work out but as it stands I've stuck with my stance and I'm making improvents and so is she but if it doesn't work out then at least I can say I well and truly tried which would do a lot to ease my mind if she leaves again, either way just spending the time I have spent with her again is precious and it's time im treasuring so I have no regrets. Ok, like I said, best of luck. Just have seen this play out in the past and sometimes the second breakup is worse than the first. A lot of reason why NC is advocated, besides moving on, because it allows you to really reset and work on yourself without interference. But in your defense, most people do a last-ditch effort before going NC. So maybe it was just your last-ditch effort that worked. But the reconciliations that stick usually have 6-plus months of separation. But I hope you buck that trend.
Author SimonSerenade Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Ok, like I said, best of luck. Just have seen this play out in the past and sometimes the second breakup is worse than the first. A lot of reason why NC is advocated, besides moving on, because it allows you to really reset and work on yourself without interference. But in your defense, most people do a last-ditch effort before going NC. So maybe it was just your last-ditch effort that worked. But the reconciliations that stick usually have 6-plus months of separation. But I hope you buck that trend. I hope so too buddy, I know it took a good year and a half for my last ex to come back and the funny thing is, it seemed like she had worked the hell out of herself and was ready to commit for the long haul so I can see where your coming, I've known quite a few people over the years who just went straight up NC and never knew what might of happened if they had made that one last effort, if there ever was another break up I would solely go NC and follow the system to a t, it got me through in the past and it would have to get me through it again, I don't know how I ever could of coped without this website. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I hope so too buddy, I know it took a good year and a half for my last ex to come back and the funny thing is, it seemed like she had worked the hell out of herself and was ready to commit for the long haul so I can see where your coming, I've known quite a few people over the years who just went straight up NC and never knew what might of happened if they had made that one last effort, if there ever was another break up I would solely go NC and follow the system to a t, it got me through in the past and it would have to get me through it again, I don't know how I ever could of coped without this website. I think most people make the last-ditch effort, then go NC. Usually there's one or two tries with begging which makes things worse, then then do the NC thing. 1
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