maestrok Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I am interested in your view on "spontaneity." If a guy usually schedules date with you the day of as in during the morning or early afternoon for late night date, etc.), would you regard it as being spontaneous because he is a casual person, or would you view it as being inconsiderate? I can imagine that some people may not want to plan things well ahead of time and play by ear or whatever.. but then I also think that a guy who is truly interested he will never really be "spontaneous." Thoughts?
Titania22 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 If you mean they ask you out that day for that evening, that's spontaneity. Nothing wrong with it. How is it inconsiderate, unless they expect you to drop existing plans for them?
Lani Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 It's inconsiderate if he does it often, and always expects you to drop any other plans you may have had for him. Spontaneity is nice, but not if it's the only way someone operates. 1
FitChick Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I don't like it. Go if you are free but if not tell him you already have plans and "Gee, I wish you had called me a day or two earlier." If he really wants to see you he will make the effort to plan ahead. 2
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I hate it. It's very inconsiderate and I never let a guy get away with that. I even don't let my brother or my friends do it. It's like you are a back up if he suddenly has a break in his schedule (i.e. another girl or his friends canceled on him) 1
jolie_baby Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I am interested in your view on "spontaneity." If a guy usually schedules date with you the day of as in during the morning or early afternoon for late night date, etc.), would you regard it as being spontaneous because he is a casual person, or would you view it as being inconsiderate? I can imagine that some people may not want to plan things well ahead of time and play by ear or whatever.. but then I also think that a guy who is truly interested he will never really be "spontaneous." Thoughts? am thinking they may be a little taking you for granted...
Star Gazer Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 It means they're weighing their options of what to do that night, and you're their best option as of the morning/afternoon they ask. IME, a guy who's really interested in seeing you, will plan and ask you in advance, to make sure you're available.
Author maestrok Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 If you mean they ask you out that day for that evening, that's spontaneity. Nothing wrong with it. How is it inconsiderate, unless they expect you to drop existing plans for them? In the morning for that evening? totally understandable. But one or two hours before the actual meet up? once or twice is okay. But if done frequently? Feels like he is asking me to either drop existing plans if I want to see him (which is selfish), or jump out whenever he feels like getting together (which is inconsiderate). I mean my whole thought process is that, if you want to see someone, shouldn't you usually be scheduling things ahead of time? both people can have things come up - so the whole point is we set each other as a priority and schedule other things in other times so we could get together, no? Is that really asking too much?
pyramid Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Inconsiderate. I dated a very spontaneous guy and he'd always ask me out several days ahead, but not make the actual plan until the day of. It was a good compromise - I knew we would be doing something whatever night (and he never flaked) but the actual activity was usually decided the day of.
Author maestrok Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 You think that's perfectly ok? That reeks of you being the fall-back choice because nothing better presented itself for the night. A couple HOURS before the date means that he was waiting right up until the last minute for his other plans to gel, and when they didn't he called YOU. And he keeps doing that because you keep saying yes. Either is completely unacceptable. "Spontaneous" my ass. It's more like, 'any port in a storm.' Maybe you are right - I was way TOO considerate. I was trying to see it in a way that he's busy but he wants to see me so he would contact me first whenever he gets a break or his plan falls apart. But guess I was trying to avoid the truth? I have not yet said yes, and suggested to schedule things in prior, but he always has a plan on the days I suggest, or otherwise would keep asking me a few hours before the meet up... He still tries to meet up but I just don't understand why he can't schedule things ahead of time. Anything I can do?
Star Gazer Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Anything I can do? You teach people how to treat you and see you, so you've basically set yourself up as someone who has nothing going on, that you're idle, waiting on him. Retrain him. First, stop accepting last minute invites. That includes day-of, even morning-of. I wouldn't accept any weekend date that's not set by Thursday night either. You've got a life! Later, if he asks last-minute again, say no and explain, "I'm a busy gal with a vibrant and full life. I'd love to see you, but in order to make that happen, you're gonna have to plan a little better. ;)"
runningfar Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I am interested in your view on "spontaneity." If a guy usually schedules date with you the day of as in during the morning or early afternoon for late night date, etc.), would you regard it as being spontaneous because he is a casual person, or would you view it as being inconsiderate? I can imagine that some people may not want to plan things well ahead of time and play by ear or whatever.. but then I also think that a guy who is truly interested he will never really be "spontaneous." Thoughts? Inconsiderate if that is how it usually is. If he always plans in advance, but then in addition calls me up and says, "Hey, I was about to head xyz and think it would be even better if you came along." that is spontaneous. I can do spontaneous, but I like to plan. 1
Kamille Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 It could be fine, depending on the relationship and frequency of this type of arrangement. I'm a pretty busy person who also enjoys time alone. I often have plans with friends and sometimes schedule myself a night in - to just lounge and relax. If a guy only made plans two hours ahead of time, we wouldn't see each other very often. Put another way: what were you planning to do tonight? And why would what he's suggesting trump that?
Author maestrok Posted May 25, 2013 Author Posted May 25, 2013 (edited) If a guy only made plans two hours ahead of time, we wouldn't see each other very often. Exactly. That's why this is so frustrating. Because I want to see him often and I can't because he tries to make a plan one or two hours in prior. Put another way: what were you planning to do tonight? And why would what he's suggesting trump that? Even if I were lying in my bed doing absolutely nothing when he asked, it takes two hours for me to get ready and get to the place, which puts me in such a hurry, so I feel like that's inconsiderate of him to do that. Edited May 25, 2013 by maestrok
Titania22 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Exactly. That's why this is so frustrating. Because I want to see him often and I can't because he tries to make a plan one or two hours in prior. Even if I were lying in my bed doing absolutely nothing when he asked, it takes two hours for me to get ready and get to the place, which puts me in such a hurry, so I feel like that's inconsiderate of him to do that. 2 hrs is hard. I thought the OP said call in the morning for the evening, that sounds like a good 12hrs to me though. I don't see why all the women are so upset. Assuming I wanted to see the guy, (and why would I see him at all if I didn't) I think it would be a lovely surprise to start my day, knowing I had something to look forward to in the evening.
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