itguy Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) Ok guys, here is my situation. My girlfriend of almost 3 years. Recently left me. She is 19, I’m 21. I was her first boyfriend, and love of her life. We had met in high school and was good friends, and I ended up moving in with her and her grandparents, where we continued to date and live life for a year or so there, she decided that she didn’t want to live with her grandparents anymore, so I rented my own place, paying all of the bills by myself, she doesn’t work or anything, her grandparents paid for gas and cloths and stuff, paid for her car too. So We continue living our lives at this house, im working going to college, supporting us both. Well my underage brother ran into issues with parents, and was on the streets so we had him move in with us, during the first few month everyone got along, then it started falling down hill, him bring lowlife friends over, him doing drugs etc, so girlfriend puts me in the position to choose between my brother or her, so I choose him, she packed her stuff and moved back into her grannies, we still continue to date and stuff, and without her being there all of the time, I broke up with her and told her I needed to take a break and figure out what I want to do. So I do my own thing and happen to meet a girl we talk flirt whatever, nothing serious just being friends and stuff. Meanwhile my gf is crying begging me back and I tell her to leave me alone, she cries to her parents and mine saying she cant live without me and stuff, so at the end of this 2 month she starts to leave and I realized I really did love her and we got back together. She moved back into my place, my brother still causing problems and all, but we work though it. Well fast forward a few months and she gets her first job, quits because to hard, then gets offered job back on different wing, I ended up getting laid off 1 week before closing on a house. well she starts acting strange and stuff and I noticed, she tells me she is burnt up on our relationship, she wants to test the waters and all this stuff, I break down crying and stuff, and was like are you seeing someone else? She goes yes, I was like how old? She said 42! And he’s married!! I was like what!?! So we talk and I was like do you really want me and you to work and stuff and she was like yes, and I asked her what she wanted and she said a commitment. So I propose to her, she says yes. Then 2 days later I catch her at a hotel room with this 42 year old married man. She tells me she just wanted a break from things and stuff. So cops get called because we were yelling and stuff. Anyways, her grandma takes her car away cause she doesn’t support what she is doing, she steals 300$ and goes rent hotel rooms and everything having a blast with this dude. She quits her job and he quits, they decide they want to get an apartment together, put deposit down and then decided they couldn’t afford it. Then she comes crying back saying will you forgive me and still love me, I was 450 miles from home when she did this, so the next day I drive back to her even though everyone said don’t take her back for her doing this, but I did anyways. So she comes back, saying she wants kids, tries on wedding dresses and I did my part on having kids so idk if she prego or not. Anyways she cleans my house spotless, sets pictures of us up everywhere. Then the next day says ive been putting on a show and I don’t love you the same anymore, says she was having dreams about the other dude and stuff. So she says shes going to stay at a friend’s house. Well I find out that she is out hanging with this guy again. So I get ahold of his wife after a lot of searching around, apparently she and him made up the lie that my girlfriend was his step daughter and I was very abusive and beat her and all this stuff so he could keep my girlfriend around his wife’s house. So she confronts them about it and goes off on them both big time, she tells him shes packing her stuff and leaving, and they have been married for 5 years. This dude is a crack head cant hold a job and all of this. Car is only thing he has no money or anything, car is on repo list and everything, I talked to his wife for 4 hours in person and learnt he is very abusive and controlling. And is filling her head with lies and lies. And she doesn’t see it. So anyways the exgirl and him have been bumming and staying together for the past few days homeless no money or anything, she won’t call her grandparent and mom and won’t talk to me because I told his wife about everything. Said she was going to get an order of protection on me. (ive not done anything but plead for her to come back and she about to ruin her life) She always had things handed to her and everything paid for so I don’t know how she is going to deal with no money. Well she changed her phone number and hasn’t contacted her parent in a few days and ive got her new number but told her I was going to let her be since that is what she wanted. She has been telling people that her and 42 year old are just friends, but I’ve found out they held hands, hugged said I love you all kinds of stuff sleeping in the same bed. Meanwhile she has all of our pictures on face book, and still says engaged, and she still has my ring. She thinks this 42 year old is prince charming for whatever reason, she hasn’t seen the abusive druggie side of him yet I guess. She has smoked pot with him multiple times, and shes not been herself lately. She told her mom and aunt that she didn’t love me the same anymore and she wasn’t coming back to me. I don’t see how she can throw away 3 years like this. For some married man, he told myex that he was planning a divorce already and she thinks it ok what she is doing. I just don’t know what to do, everyone knows she is making a huge mistake, but she doesn’t see it, shes telling everyone she wants her time, but shes messing around with this dude and saying hes just a friend. I don’t know how she is able to jump into another relationship after being in 1 for 3 years. I love her to death and just want her to come back before she gets hurt. But I don’t know what to do. She is so naive she doesn’t understand what a monster he is, because he is being nice to her for now. I know she will realize her mistake, but I hope it is not too late. She is telling people she wants her own place and to do her own thing, but this isn’t the way to do it. Especially if he wants to live with her. I really don’t know if they have had sex or not, but it only been me and her no one else. She’s told everyone she hasn’t. But why else would she be doing all of this crazy stuff. Does she love him? She knows that he is not welcome near her grandparent or moms house because of his age and he is married. Everyone is worried sick about her and she has caused a lot of pain with my family and hers. I realize I haven’t bought her a bunch of stuff, but I’ve been paying bills and rent, getting ready to buy a house for me and her. She said I didn’t act like I cared for her and she was fed up with it, my grandpa passed away, lost my job, I’ve just been stressed lately, it’s not that I didn’t care for her. Just been stressed out. Its been day # 2 of no contact, but she gets my facebook notification whenever i do something so idk. I just don’t know what to do, any advice would be great. People are saying don’t contact her and to wash my hands of her, but we lost our viginities to each other and have been together for 3 years, and I was her first love. I really love her and miss her a lot. And I hope I haven’t pushed her to far away already L I just don’t know if she doesn’t want me or wants him or what. She always been with me 24/7 idk if she wants to explore or what i really dont, its driving me crazy not talking to her she keeps bring up that its been a horrible 3 years, when i know it hasnt its been up and down, nothing is 100% perfect in any relationship she told me that she didn't wanna be with me cause she's bored with us and she's only 19 and I was her first bf and she wants to test the waters and have fun cause she only lives onceBut she also told everyone she wants to be married to me and when I took a break from her she said she didn't want anyone else and all this other crap. She also said after spending time with this dude something clicked in her head and she says there are people out there with more in common. I don't know what to think Edited May 25, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs, USE them please
BrokenHeartsClub Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I know you put in a lot of time, but it sounds like she needs to learn some things on her own for a bit. Shes still pretty young too and if your the only one shes ever been with, then exploring would be a pretty good reason why shes doing this. If she's a smart girl eventually she'll wise up, and who knows maybe realize the mistake she's made. But you said that she was really naive, so that's anyones guess. I know its tough but just walk away for now. It's only day number 2 also, and I don't know if you have ever broken a bone or anything, but the pain is there for a bit. That's normal, we all go through it. Leave her be, find a hobby, put yourself out there but first be sad for a bit. It's part of the process, just make sure that you don't get stuck in that part of it. Then once you notice the pain start to fade, you can really begin healing. I wish you luck and stay strong. It might not be a bad idea to block her from all social media as well.
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