High-achievers

[spiderowl]

I met this guy online. He's a high achiever. We got chatting and got on well. But, quite often, he tells me things I already know. I'm a very bright person and have explored a variety of different interests and worked in different fields. I know he's done a lot and is bright too, but I find his assumptions irritating and a bit insulting. Is there a nice way to tell a guy he's being patronising? I think he would be shocked because he's very well-respected in his field.

[GI_Joy]

can you give an example of how he's patronizing/insulting?

[tbf]

If what he's telling you are things that you already know, why not express this in a factual manner? It doesn't have to be confrontational.

[FitChick]

"Yes, I heard about that."

 

"I read something in New Scientist recently and found it fascinating."

[c57dood]

Always keep this in mind: people who think they're smart usually aren't. The person who claims to know so much and show off really doesn't know anything. Those who can admit their ignorance and lack of knowledge are much more intelligent! It means they have a higher capacity to learn.

[Almond_Joy]

The factual stating has worked well for me, saying "yes I heard about that" or something along those lines.

 

The guy is kind of awkward the first couple of times but after a while I don't get the patronizing tone.

[USMCHokie]

Always keep this in mind: people who think they're smart usually aren't. The person who claims to know so much and show off really doesn't know anything. Those who can admit their ignorance and lack of knowledge are much more intelligent! It means they have a higher capacity to learn.

 

Dunning-Kruger Effect...

[Lani]

Urghh, I have dealt with people like this my whole life.

To me, it's a dealbreaker relationship-wise, so I've never really addressed it in that sense. But, professionally I've had to handle many a patronizing man, and I've found that turning it around to sarcasm works.

When he says something that you would obviously know, say something along the lines of 'Oh really? I would never have guessed..' in a sarcastic tone, and then a cheeky smile. Usually the response is a little bit of initial shock, and then they laugh. It lightens the mood, and makes them realise you do have half a brain after all. You can then go on to talk on the same level about the topic.

 

You may have left it too late though. It needs to be addressed pretty quickly.

[spiderowl]

The factual stating has worked well for me, saying "yes I heard about that" or something along those lines.

 

The guy is kind of awkward the first couple of times but after a while I don't get the patronizing tone.

 

Thanks, this is what I've been doing but I'm getting more annoyed about it. Why would a guy assume I know nothing. He told me something about a health treatment which I already know. Anyone with any common sense would have known.

[spiderowl]

Dunning-Kruger Effect...

I do agree. I tend to be quiet about what I know so as not to deflate a guy but as I get older I'm getting increasingly fed up of have to pretend not to know a lot of things.

[shexy]

Does he usually dominate the conversation? I don't know, he kind of sounds like a big know-it-all - I probably would get really annoyed quick. He might just be trying to initially impress you with how smart he is, but I think it's backfiring on him!

[Green Light]

Next! Sounds like a yuppie bore!

[spiderowl]

Dunning-Kruger Effect...

 

I had to look this up and pinched this from Wikipedia "The Dunning–Kruger effect is a cognitive bias in which unskilled individuals suffer from illusory superiority, mistakenly rating their ability much higher than average. This bias is attributed to a metacognitive inability of the unskilled to recognize their mistakes."

 

Did you mean that I was failing to recognise my ignorance or this guy I was referring to?

[crederer]

Throw out a completely random lie and state it as a fact and see how reacts, not for the sake of your relationship but for pure entertainment.

 

Something like, "ring worm is an effective method to the treatment of colin cancer" or "the sky is blue due to the reflection of the ocean".

 

Then when he promptly corrects you with his encyclopedia type knowledge, just say "I know, I was patronizing you". And if he's half as smart as he thinks he is, he'll get it.

 

OR state something completely obvious. Like, "poultry is from chickens!". "Beef comes from cows". "How I met your mother is a terrible show". Etc.

Edited May 28, 2013 by crederer

[FitChick]

I just remembered a guy I dated long ago who was painfully explaining something to me as if I weren't too bright. I said, "You must date a lot of bimbos." He immediately treated me like an equal.