mkstrehl Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I met this guy 2 years ago and we were really good friends for 2 years (living in different states for a year of that) before we started dating. It was such a good relationship but I got heavy and couldn't deal with things... I had health issues, I was clingy... Just too much stress at one time. Of course my clinginess drove him out the door. Here is the big mistake I made though... When we broke up he said he wanted a casual relationship because he really cared but just couldn't do a relationship right now... so we 'casually' dated for a month. Then I lost it one day (again, thanks stress) and he reduced it to basically just sleeping together... A few weeks after that we actually broke up. Now for the worst part. I've done practically everything that people tell us not to... I begged, I promised to change, I even 'stalked' him a bit... showing up at places I knew he'd be. Of course this pushed him from wanting to be friends to wanting nothing to do with me now. From when we officially broke up until we stopped sleeping together and hanging out was about a month. We broke up a lot during that time but every time I came back with an excuse to try again. He always did come back. When we finally broke off the physical part it was about a month ago. I started NC... I only lasted about a week before I begged him back again. He, of course, said no. Another week NC. We had coffee and a few days later he told me he isn't ready to be friends because he still has feelings for me. Another week NC. I started with an understanding email apologizing for putting so much pressure on him and he responded really positively but I fell asleep and made the mistake of responding in a half-asleep manner and begged him back again. This was his response: "I feel like you just took several steps backwards with that last message...Shell...ugh. You were aware of what you were doing and what was happening. And you blaming this on vitamins and saying lets start over is exactly the same as what we've tried before if you replace 'vitamin B' with your various other cures. Have you considered that you're not that sick or crazy, but maybe it's just that we're not right for each other? I don't know why you want this so badly... I wish I could get into your brain and change that. But I don't, it's not a good idea, and I can't discuss it anymore. Enjoy your present situation please." He always got really frustrated because I blamed my behavior on external situations rather then taking responsibility for them. I'm going through therapy for stuff like that now... This was a backslide... This last message was sent only three days ago. I haven't talked to him since... He always told me that he can't imagine us not being in each others lives. Even in the email preceding this he told me he still likes me a lot and that he wishes things were different. I don't know if I should go NC right now or apologize for not taking responsibility for my actions. I'm new here but you seem like a great support community.
Deerhunter Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 He doesn't want to be bothered right now. If you love him, give him his space. DO NOT CONTACT him. Right now, that is the only chance you have. Let him be the first to contact you no matter how long it takes. 1
aisuru Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 It sounds like he's exhausted from dealing with you. Have you been emotionally high maintenance? If so, time to get those emotional habits in check. Or you're going to cycle through this type of relationship and break up over and over and over.
TaraMaiden Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 ...He always got really frustrated because I blamed my behavior on external situations rather then taking responsibility for them. He was quite right to be frustrated - and yes, everyone has to take responsibility for their own behaviour. I'm going through therapy for stuff like that now... This was a backslide... It's good that you're in therapy. Be sure to inform your therapist that you backslid. If only to keep them in the loop. It's important to bring that to the fore.... This last message was sent only three days ago. I haven't talked to him since... He always told me that he can't imagine us not being in each others lives. Even in the email preceding this he told me he still likes me a lot and that he wishes things were different. Yes, because he wants a healed you, not a broken you. He wishes you could be past this issue, and he wishes you'd move on and 'grow'.... I don't know if I should go NC right now or apologize for not taking responsibility for my actions. I'm new here but you seem like a great support community. Oh, very definitely absolute concrete No Contact. See my signature (link) and read the whole thread. Then keep going to therapy.
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