sucks2bme Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 I've read alot of the post here about getting my needs met. But I don't think I have what it takes to do all the stuff that seems to be required of me to hang in there and tough it out. My S.O just doesn't seem to want to grow into our relationship, just out of it. Evrytime we talk about it, I can't help but thinking that this is a lost cause. It's like nothing really matters but the kids. It sex. It's "just not important to me right now. It's just not high on my priorities list" WTF!?! It IS on my list. Why can't it become something to shoot for instead of something to hold against me? I always get attacked when I ask that my needs met. In fact just last night I presented and invitation to explore our sexuality together. I guees that was dumb, cause then my S.O just got offended and attacked me saying that I was "insatiable" and it's not like that in real life. and so on and so on. I think partners have to be willing and open to explore each others sexuality energetically and enthusiastically. As well as grow into the relationship so that they both meet each others needs well. But I guess I'm the only martian on my block because everything seems to tell me that >I< have to grow and then just wait and see with my partner. Well that just SUCKS!
disconcertainly Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 In order for a relationship to work and grow both partners must have a goal--(similar). I think you should tell your partner that your needs are not being met and that your relationship is not progressing but regressing. In a relationship treat the other person as you would want to be treated. example: if you like having your back rubbed then rub hers/his? Simple things can really make a difference. I find personally that when I don't want to have sex with my partner its normally b/c I feel as if I am taken for-granted. I want to know my partner loves me outside of the bedroom. The little things really make a big difference. Surprise her with flowers and dinner.
MassiveAtom Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Hi, Your post is all too familiar to me. Others can here can truly relate to the topic. Have you given it a serious effort? I mean you can't just up and think things will change. But the effort is really important. I've been married for a long time. My wife is less interested in sex now more than ever. It really bothers me. It's really not sex that I'm after either. But more would be great. It's the intimacy that I need. the knowing that I'm closer to her than anyone else. I know it's tough with children, I have two. The demand everything, and when she's not with them my wife just falls asleep. Makes me crazy. I had an affair because of this - among other things, we split for a time and now we're back working on it. I just don't think there's any hope for her being the sexual, sensual person that I need. I know that sounds like giving up. I know it sounds bad. AND I know you've probably thought the same things. Hang in there just a little longer. BUt try to prepare yourself for a new search. How? BEgin to heal the damage that this relationship has done to you. You'll have to talk to a Psyche pro about that. and Ultimately forgive your wife. But whatever you do take it slow, and don't do anything rash. just my $.03 mA
mymojo Posted October 3, 2004 Posted October 3, 2004 Why not use porn,fantasy and solo sex to satisfy your needs ? That's what I do and feel it works beautifully.
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