I Wanna Jam, But He Won't Play With Me (Sorry, Long, and a bit Whiny)

[Honour]

I'm a musician, and for the first time, I'm dating a fellow musician. Yes, he's loads better than I am, but it's not like I'd embarrass him or anything.

 

I always dreamed of having someone to love, that I could also make music with. But, as nice as he is about saying he likes my music, he has never indicated that he's even remotely interested in ever "doing" anything with me. Not jamming at home, or collaborating on a song, or inviting me up, or even maybe just a karaoke duet some time. Anything would be cool, just to experience making some kind of music together.

 

When I've approached him about it, he says he's too busy, or that by the time he gets home he's too tired or doesn't feel like playing more since he's in so many bands already. But, he's been talking about taking on different new projects that don't ever include me. He's too busy to play or jam with me, but not too busy to take on new projects without me?

 

Why would he not want to jam with me, too? (And, btw, it's not that I suck, because I have played with people as good as or better than him, and they like me just fine.)

 

What's the deal? Should I be patient? Is there some mystical time frame where suddenly he'll want to?

 

Or, do I have to just resign myself to the fact that I'll always have to go outside the relationship to get "played"? (Which I do get offers, trust me.)

 

If that's the case, how do I let go of what I've dreamed of finding my whole life? How do I let go of that part of the vision I had about what I hoped love could be like?

 

This is really hurting my feelings and making me question the relationship as a whole, because this is a strong part of my identity. And, part of what I thought love would be for me was to be able to share that with my significant other in a meaningful way.

 

As it is now, though, either I go see him play (where my only option is to be the simpering groupie, while any OTHER musician is invited to get up and jam), or he goes to see me play (where he never wants to get up and jam because he's not warmed up, or he's not prepared, or he's just there to visit, whatever), or if we're both playing, we just don't get to spend that time together (which we don't get that much of to begin with).

 

How can I reconcile this issue, or better yet, how can I effect a change?

[ThaWholigan]

Kind of a unique issue! Good thing I'm also a musician .

 

The problem with some musicians is that they feel funny about their SO's also being musicians for whatever reason, no matter how good they are at the instrument. It can become a source of.......for lack of a better term, "competition". I'm not entirely sure why this is, but having been in a band for a while and jammed with lots of musicians myself, this can pop up whenever there is also a musical SO in the mix.

 

I'm not sure there is a proper way to handle this except to accept that he may not want to jam with you, but I feel if you want to have an influence towards him being open to the idea, you should gently intimate how wonderful it would be for you two to jam together and how much you would love it. Don't nag him about it , just try to introduce the idea quietly .

 

It is difficult - some people feel a deep and personal attachment to their art, even at the bane of everything and everyone else. If you feel it is difficult to deal with, you should try to have a gentle talk with your partner about it and try to let him know how you feel about music and him together.

 

Hope I was any help .

[Honour]

Kind of a unique issue! Good thing I'm also a musician .

 

The problem with some musicians is that they feel funny about their SO's also being musicians for whatever reason, no matter how good they are at the instrument. It can become a source of.......for lack of a better term, "competition". I'm not entirely sure why this is, but having been in a band for a while and jammed with lots of musicians myself, this can pop up whenever there is also a musical SO in the mix.

 

I'm not sure there is a proper way to handle this except to accept that he may not want to jam with you, but I feel if you want to have an influence towards him being open to the idea, you should gently intimate how wonderful it would be for you two to jam together and how much you would love it. Don't nag him about it , just try to introduce the idea quietly .

 

It is difficult - some people feel a deep and personal attachment to their art, even at the bane of everything and everyone else. If you feel it is difficult to deal with, you should try to have a gentle talk with your partner about it and try to let him know how you feel about music and him together.

 

Hope I was any help .

 

 

You absolutely have been , because as you say this is a bit of a unique issue and I've been needing some help in putting this in the right perspective.

 

I think part of it is that this was an issue for him in a past relationship, where the person was perhaps not very nice in how they approached the matter.

 

But, (A) I am ME, (B) I don't like paying for someone else's sins, © I play a completely different kind of music, and (D) it's not like am not asking or demanding to be IN his band, I just want the pleasure of making music with him in some way, shape, or form.

 

So, you're saying you've seen this before, eh? What did the people in those situations do?

[ThaWholigan]

You absolutely have been , because as you say this is a bit of a unique issue and I've been needing some help in putting this in the right perspective.

 

I think part of it is that this was an issue for him in a past relationship, where the person was perhaps not very nice in how they approached the matter.

 

But, (A) I am ME, (B) I don't like paying for someone else's sins, © I play a completely different kind of music, and (D) it's not like am not asking or demanding to be IN his band, I just want the pleasure of making music with him in some way, shape, or form.

 

Ahh, so he has already encountered this in a previous relationship? Well he may have had a difficult experience with this, however minor it would appear to be. I think at this point, you should maintain a gentle demeanor, and make it clear that you're not forcing him but that you want to make music with him to be closer to him, as you dream to make music with somebody you love. He should understand that if you allow him time .

 

So, you're saying you've seen this before, eh? What did the people in those situations do?

 

This is not encouraging, but usually the relationships fizzle out one way or another. A lot of my musician friends aren't the most monogamous people in the world, and if they are, they usually have a lot of options and find it difficult to maintain long term unions. The girls usually fare a little better - but that's because they don't usually date other musicians. I had a long crush on a singer and recently I moved on instantly upon her saying that she has no desire to date other musicians anymore. This is usually what happens when it comes down to it.

 

Saying that, my father and his wife are both singers and have been together for 20+ years. My mother and her current SO are also both in music. I also do have a few other musician couples in my social circle whom I know of that are long term. So it does happen. I find it usually depends on the individuals - and to a smaller extent, the kind of music they make (shhhh!!)

[Honour]

Well, I guess I'm not sure what to think, then. We've been together for about a year and a half and it hasn't happened yet. But he has said he doesn't see why it couldn't happen "someday"...it just never seems to happen.

 

I have been trying to be patient, but it's difficult, because I am so totally NOT the simpering girly groupie type at all, and it does get galling to be dismissed as such when I'm used to being the one up there myself. Plus, it's like a double whammy to not only have to put up from the girly side of it (groupies, hangers-on, inappropriately cutesie posts from female fans, etc.) but also to be shut out of the one thing that might make me feel better about the other crap.

 

And, I kind of can't help equating it with sex (like will I have to go outside the relationship to find it) because music truly is my passion. This guy really is great, and I really do love him, but why do I feel like to be with him, I've been having to give up the one thing that keeps me alive? Either that, or only see him once or twice a month.

 

Oh, and let's not forget the fact that people who might normally play with me wonder why I'm not playing with him, so now they're not as interested in playing with me because maybe something's wrong with me? And these are people I've totally played with in the past. So now, the triple whammy, in that he won't play with me, I have to put up with girly crap, AND the fact that I'm with him is making it even harder to find people to play with. Shoot me now.

 

I have to admit, I'm starting to feel a bit pissed off too, because it seems like he's getting to have his cake and eat it too. As a musician, I of course understand his hours, his needs, the fact that virtually our every weekend is consumed by his gigs, preparing for his gigs, coming off of his gigs, his fans, his groupies, his exhaustion, his, his, his, etc. But, I'm treated like some flipping groupie, dismissed as someone unimportant and insignificant as far as whatever contribution I might be capable of making musically or creatively. Even when I DO play, it's like, oh, that's nice, you're so cute.

 

So, I figure, either I'm a musician and I understand where he's coming from and what he goes through and why, and should therefore be treated with the respect and consideration a fellow musician is entitled to, or I'm just some simpering groupie and I'm gonna go all jealous bitch on his ass because why is that ho' on your Facebook page all the time, sending you hearts and kisses? It's like, pick one, because why do you think you can get both, without ensuring me the respect or satisfaction either one deserves?

 

Wow, I guess I really needed to vent. It has been a looooonnnggg year and a half, I'm tellin' ya. Thank you.

 

So, I suppose I'll try to continue to be patient, because he really is cool in other ways...as long as he doesn't start flaking out on the sex, too, lol, because if I have to find my music AND my sex outside the relationship, why bother, right?

[spiderowl]

I'm similar to you in that I'm a musician. If I found a guy I liked who didn't want to play music with me, I'd seriously wonder why. If we didn't like the same music, he could still play some of it and I could play some of his, just for fun, not necessarily for profit or in public. If he didn't want to share music with me at all, I'd dump him. There are other people who do want to play music with me (I've had five invitations in the past three weeks), so why would I wait around for the one who doesn't? He'd have to have something else pretty special for me to overlook his lack of interesting in sharing.

[Honour]

I'm similar to you in that I'm a musician. If I found a guy I liked who didn't want to play music with me, I'd seriously wonder why. If we didn't like the same music, he could still play some of it and I could play some of his, just for fun, not necessarily for profit or in public. If he didn't want to share music with me at all, I'd dump him. There are other people who do want to play music with me (I've had five invitations in the past three weeks), so why would I wait around for the one who doesn't? He'd have to have something else pretty special for me to overlook his lack of interesting in sharing.

 

 

That's exactly it!! Why??? And, like I said, it's not like I'm trying to steamroll my way into any of the bands he's in, I mean, I recognize how hard he's worked to get to where he is. But would it absolutely KILL him to have me up for a jam? Would it just paralyze him to maybe groove on some harmonies together and enjoy what that feels like? What would it take away from him if we collaborated on a tune once in a while?

 

And, it's not like anyone would even have to know, it could be our dirty little secret, lol! Oh. Em. Gee. I'm tainting my art by lowering myself to sing with someone I'm actually involved with, ewwwww.

 

Sigh. People can't change how they feel. I just wish he felt differently, and I wish I could react differently. Otherwise, I don't know if it's enough for me to live with. I honestly don't. And that makes me very sad, because in many other ways, he's the ideal person for me (although if he's so ideal, why can't he see what this means to me?).

 

So, I guess all I can do is keep hoping until I just can't anymore and I have to leave.

[RogerWallace111]

Kind of a unique issue! Good thing I'm also a musician .

 

The problem with some musicians is that they feel funny about their SO's also being musicians for whatever reason, no matter how good they are at the instrument. It can become a source of.......for lack of a better term, "competition". I'm not entirely sure why this is, but having been in a band for a while and jammed with lots of musicians myself, this can pop up whenever there is also a musical SO in the mix.

 

I'm not sure there is a proper way to handle this except to accept that he may not want to jam with you, but I feel if you want to have an influence towards him being open to the idea, you should gently intimate how wonderful it would be for you two to jam together and how much you would love it. Don't nag him about it , just try to introduce the idea quietly .

 

It is difficult - some people feel a deep and personal attachment to their art, even at the bane of everything and everyone else. If you feel it is difficult to deal with, you should try to have a gentle talk with your partner about it and try to let him know how you feel about music and him together.

 

Hope I was any help .

 

Good points.

 

I'm also a musician and have contemplated the idea of being in a relationship with one. Actually my ex did play guitar a little bit now that I think of it. She was definitely a novice in technical terms, but she had a pretty nice, natural feel (which I personally value more than theoretical vitruosity). Maybe I should've played with her. Anyway, I digress.

 

I would at least be into the idea of a once-in-a-while, whimsical tune or jam with my girlfriend. But it would be a serious stroke of fate if she turned out to be on my wavelength to the point that I would collaborate with her on what would otherwise be "personal" stuff that was actually gonna be released. But, if it felt right, I wouldn't be opposed to that.

 

Musical chemistry, or thoughts about potential collaboration, can be weird, fragile and not stem from any real "reasoning". And I don't mean that in a strictly spiritual, r-teesty type of way- some of it can be childish ego stuff. You may be the more easy-going type while your boyfriend is more of the overly-analytical ilk. I'm somewhere in the middle myself. I'll happily bang out a tune with friends of mine who don't play very well or tastefully, but when I'm feeling emotionally invested in actually creating songs - not just jamming - it's hard for me to let people in. And admittedly I've found myself absolutely miserable in a "jam" where everyone's ideas are stale and boring. I try to get behind the drumkit when I sense one of those coming, so I'm not at anyone else's will melodically.

 

I'm surprised he won't play with you at least a little, just super casually. Does he play with other female musicians ? I'm not suggesting he's musically sexist or anything but some male musicians seem to have an underlying, likely subconscious aversion to playing with females. Not likely, but just brainstorming possibilities. I personally love it.

 

I have a buddy who does basically the musical duo/couple thing with his girlfriend. That seems like a little much to me. Unless we clicked serendipitously in a musical sense, or I was just in awe of her talent. But yeah, it's all my roundabout way of saying, it's very reasonable to want to at least jam a little bit with ones boyfriend/girlfriend if you're both musicians. I'd suggest very gently attempting to get to the root of his refusal. With extra care not to make him think you're trying to guilt him about it (not that you would, but guys can jump to that conclusion in lots of situations).

 

Just act very easy-going about it. Express your desire, and basically ask him if, all tiredness/oversaturation/etc aside, he'd be into just playing a song.

Edited May 23, 2013 by RogerWallace111

[LuckyLady13]

*raises hand* Another musician here! And I've been there.

 

So far, Honour, you're doing what I did. Please don't because it was a mistake. I noticed how you keep talking about he plays gigs, he does this and he does that but what are you doing?

 

Because of his bad attitude toward you, you're starting to take on a desperate role of a groupie which is exactly the opposite of what you were going for.

 

Forget what he's doing! I understand that you'd like to have him involved in your life on a level that really speaks to you which is music. I've been there. But I'll tell you...the guy I was with who sounds just like the guy you're with now? It came down to how fragile his ego was. Glass is harder and stronger! He could not handle not being the center of attention or at least trying to be.

 

Go your own way. Get yourself involved with a band or at least writing music you're putting out there and if he's got gigs on the weekend, you shouldn't even be there if you're a musician unless you're involved with the gig itself or you're secure enough in your own musical endeavors and have some spare time to support him.

 

He's making this all about him and now he's got you doing it too. But the only person who can stop that is you.

 

You can never expect the person you're in a relationship with to be everything to and for you. And I understand you equating having your own musical endeavors away from this guy to an affair. I see how you're making that comparison. But like you said, if he flaked out on the sex too? You'd split! He's sending you packing already as far as music goes and you can find other people to write with, record with, do some gigs with and get that magic feeling that writing and playing music gives you...with somebody else! If that's how he wants to be about it, let him live with it.

[Honour]

Good points.

 

I'm surprised he won't play with you at least a little, just super casually. Does he play with other female musicians ? I'm not suggesting he's musically sexist or anything but some male musicians seem to have an underlying, likely subconscious aversion to playing with females. Not likely, but just brainstorming possibilities. I personally love it.

 

 

 

I know, I keep wondering too! It's like it didn't need to be so awkward, it could've just been such a nice, natural evolution of things. (Again with the sex comparisons, I know.)

 

You make a good point about the playing with females thing, which I had wondered about too. I've only seen him with a female on stage twice. Both times it was when someone he was playing with invited the woman up, not because HE invited her up.

 

And, sadly, that is another conundrum I keep running into. Guys don't want to play with a chick because they don't want a lowly female stealing their thunder; girls don't want to play with a chick because, well, they wanna be the only chick. I just want the song to sound good. Hmmm, definitely something's wrong with ME.

[RogerWallace111]

You make a good point about the playing with females thing, which I had wondered about too. I've only seen him with a female on stage twice. Both times it was when someone he was playing with invited the woman up, not because HE invited her up.

 

And, sadly, that is another conundrum I keep running into. Guys don't want to play with a chick because they don't want a lowly female stealing their thunder; girls don't want to play with a chick because, well, they wanna be the only chick. I just want the song to sound good. Hmmm, definitely something's wrong with ME.

 

Interesting... Nope nothing's wrong with you, hope you're being facetious !

 

And the bolded is the bottom line !

[RogerWallace111]

What type of music do you and him respectively play ?

 

just curious

[Honour]

*raises hand* Another musician here! And I've been there.

 

So far, Honour, you're doing what I did. Please don't because it was a mistake. I noticed how you keep talking about he plays gigs, he does this and he does that but what are you doing?

 

Because of his bad attitude toward you, you're starting to take on a desperate role of a groupie which is exactly the opposite of what you were going for.

 

Forget what he's doing! I understand that you'd like to have him involved in your life on a level that really speaks to you which is music. I've been there. But I'll tell you...the guy I was with who sounds just like the guy you're with now? It came down to how fragile his ego was. Glass is harder and stronger! He could not handle not being the center of attention or at least trying to be.

 

Go your own way. Get yourself involved with a band or at least writing music you're putting out there and if he's got gigs on the weekend, you shouldn't even be there if you're a musician unless you're involved with the gig itself or you're secure enough in your own musical endeavors and have some spare time to support him.

 

He's making this all about him and now he's got you doing it too. But the only person who can stop that is you.

 

You can never expect the person you're in a relationship with to be everything to and for you. And I understand you equating having your own musical endeavors away from this guy to an affair. I see how you're making that comparison. But like you said, if he flaked out on the sex too? You'd split! He's sending you packing already as far as music goes and you can find other people to write with, record with, do some gigs with and get that magic feeling that writing and playing music gives you...with somebody else! If that's how he wants to be about it, let him live with it.

 

 

I know exactly what you're saying and you're absolutely right. So I have been out there, trying to get back into it for myself, doing open mics and jams with friends, working on my own music, doing the occasional solo gig.

 

I also keep up with my friends and my other activities. But, admittedly, I mostly do that during the week, and then on the weekend, back I go to gig companion (i.e. groupie) hell.

 

And, damn if I can't help but know that those nights are part of what little weekend time we can spend together. I mean, we go "home" afterward and spend the day together, but then go right back out to the next gig, so it does end up being all about the pre-, post-, and during of the gig itself. HIS gig.

 

Now, let me clarify that obviously, yes, he is so cool otherwise, that remaining in this situation is even a consideration. But it does make me way less inclined to put up with anything else in the way of bull****, because I feel like I'm already putting up with a lot just by being between this rock and a hard place.

 

The thing is, as much as he satisfies other areas of my life that are very important to me, it's not like I'm getting "everything" from him either. It's just that out of the things that I really, really hoped to be able to find in the one package, being able to express myself musically with love (and not just chemistry) being involved seemed like what I most wanted to aspire too.

 

That's why I'm really sitting here trying to evaluate, can I live without this?

 

I suppose I'll need to be sure he truly understands what's happening (or actually NOT happening) here and if he's still not forthcoming about why or about whether he thinks it'll ever happen or why it won't, then I just don't know if I can handle that. It's a horrible rejection on a such a huge personal level, striking to the very core of my being. No matter how hard I tried to play it off, it would always be there, niggling at me, making me feel less loved, less wanted, just plain less.

[Honour]

What type of music do you and him respectively play ?

 

just curious

 

 

He plays and sings classic rock, jazz, blues, and the like.

 

I play (but mostly sing) blues, Caribbean, classic rock, and jazzy stuff.

 

He does covers, I do both covers and originals.

Edited May 23, 2013 by Honour
forgot to add the covers thing

[RogerWallace111]

Now that I'm thinking about it I kind of used to be one of those guys with the subconscious aversion to playing with females. Like childhood through highschool era. I'll blame the prevalance of Sheryl Crow, Alanis Morisette, etc for that . Once I expanded my mind and found female artists whose music I became straight up infatuated with... Gender was no longer any sort of object in my taste.

 

I don't know what it is... For me, like I said, I just didn't dig most of what I'd heard women do. I don't know how likely it is that your boyfriend could have that sort of thing going. Suppose it's possible.

[RogerWallace111]

He only does covers and he won't play with you ?? Whaaaaat

[RogerWallace111]

Maybe he's intimidated because you write songs

[Honour]

Now that I'm thinking about it I kind of used to be one of those guys with the subconscious aversion to playing with females. Like childhood through highschool era. I'll blame the prevalance of Sheryl Crow, Alanis Morisette, etc for that . Once I expanded my mind and found female artists whose music I became straight up infatuated with... Gender was no longer any sort of object in my taste.

 

I don't know what it is... For me, like I said, I just didn't dig most of what I'd heard women do. I don't know how likely it is that your boyfriend could have that sort of thing going. Suppose it's possible.

 

The sad thing is, I sing in a low register, so it's not like I'm goin' all Belinda Carlisle on him...

[Honour]

Maybe he's intimidated because you write songs

 

 

Well, I don't know about that, it's not like I'm writing Bohemian Rhapsody or Imagine. I have fun with my stuff, people respond well to it, and it generally makes everyone happy all around.

 

I did ask him once if it was because I suck or something. Because if I suck, I can fix that. I can work harder to improve my style, my presence, I can increase my vocal range, I can perfect my phrasing, my timing, my breathing, my rhythm, my pitch, you name it. (Which I'm trying to do anyway.)

 

But, he just couldn't define why. Still hasn't.

 

And, btw, thank you everybody for the wonderful insights and the great replies. I really want to make clear that he is not a bad guy, he just is, and I'm trying to work around it because I just "am" too.

 

He is, I assure you all, otherwise very loving and considerate and supportive. It's just this one, admittedly crucial point that is very difficult to get past. And, I just really, really needed to vent because I have been about to explode!

[serial muse]

I'm not a musician, but this is a nice departure from the usual thread! Very interesting.

 

My first thought on reading your OP was whether he'd had a bad experience jamming with a past GF. So when you wrote this:

 

I think part of it is that this was an issue for him in a past relationship, where the person was perhaps not very nice in how they approached the matter.

 

I thought, aha. And then I wondered exactly what happened. Was she dismissive of his work, or was he critical of hers? Or what? Did he give you any more info on that? Because I suspect the key to his reluctance lies in there somewhere...

[Honour]

I'm not a musician, but this is a nice departure from the usual thread! Very interesting.

 

My first thought on reading your OP was whether he'd had a bad experience jamming with a past GF. So when you wrote this:

 

 

 

I thought, aha. And then I wondered exactly what happened. Was she dismissive of his work, or was he critical of hers? Or what? Did he give you any more info on that? Because I suspect the key to his reluctance lies in there somewhere...

 

 

Yes, I think he was probably somewhat dismissive of her work (gauging by what I've encountered, although he does at least acknowledge I can sing). I think he did try at one time to play with her, and I can see that what may have happened in the past is certainly not helping matters for me now (and I've encountered several situations ouside the relationship where all it took was one freakin' folkie chick to ruin it for the rest of us).

 

As for what actually happened, he didn't give too much detail. It seems like this other person did basically try to steamroll her way into the musical aspect of his life, in a rather demanding way. I can understand that that may have made him feel very threatened, very defensive, very awkward. Because, and I've acknowledged and praised this before, he has worked very hard to get where he is. And, hell, I've worked hard to stay viable, too, despite some pretty major setbacks.

 

But, like I said, I have not, nor have I ever tried to, ask, demand, force, whine, wheedle, needle, cajole, beg, invade, encroach, intrude, or blow my way into "his" music, or in any way try to taint it with my lowly, distasteful non-male cooties.

 

So, why can't he see past that and see ME? I mean, I'm just wanting to have a nice, informal jam and feel good about playing together. If it "leads" to anything, great. If it remains informal, and it's enjoyable to both of us, great. What is the problem???? (Still sounds like the sex analogy, don't it?)

 

Lol, I can't tell you how much better I feel being able to vent this, and actually have lifelike, sentient beings respond in kind. Again, thank you!!

[Honour]

Oh, and also btw, just for the record, this is NOT Edie Brickell, and I'm NOT talking about Paul Simon.

[ScreamingTrees]

I know, I keep wondering too! It's like it didn't need to be so awkward, it could've just been such a nice, natural evolution of things. (Again with the sex comparisons, I know.)

 

You make a good point about the playing with females thing, which I had wondered about too. I've only seen him with a female on stage twice. Both times it was when someone he was playing with invited the woman up, not because HE invited her up.

 

And, sadly, that is another conundrum I keep running into. Guys don't want to play with a chick because they don't want a lowly female stealing their thunder; girls don't want to play with a chick because, well, they wanna be the only chick. I just want the song to sound good. Hmmm, definitely something's wrong with ME.

 

Quite the curious thing.. As much as I breathe this sort of stuff, I wouldn't liken the act of playing/creating music with one another to be akin to sexual intercourse.. Although now that I ponder it, there are parallels.. But the difference IMO is that it's gender-neutral, the only intention is creativity of an artistic nature. How many bands or collaborations are between two men, or two women? It's not as if they've got feelings for each other or anything.. Maybe platonic feelings, or admiration for each other's strengths and talents..

 

Yes, as nice as it would be to share that part of yourself in an intimate setting with someone you care about, it's not a necessity.

 

The real cause for concern is the apparent lack of concern for your simple needs and desires.. It can't be that difficult to sit down and strum around or sing a few lines, even if for a half hour a day.. It's time spent together.

 

Could be an ego thing, but even then, I do not understand the thought.

[Keenly]

I play my instrument for me. Its MY thing, I don't even play of there is anyone else in the room. Its not something that I would let anyone in on because its how I unwind from the day.

[LuckyLady13]

Honour, just for the heck of it, I want to tell you how things turned out for me.

 

Me and that musician broke up and music ended up having everything to do with it. Now, I'm with a guy who didn't have the foggiest clue about music when we met. I have fun again! There's no ego problems with this guy. There are days I miss getting into technical details with somebody but now when I do that with this guy, I'm not stepping on his toes so I explain things to him and he's interested and finds this stuff fascinating.

 

It's so much fun again!

 

I have a ball sometimes on a Friday night when I hand him my guitar and it's all casual and he makes all kinds of weird, cool noises with it and we just laugh. It's so much better this way. He's never bent out of shape about it. He has fun with it too! And he's this breath of fresh air for me...like everything is new again.

 

Also, I can't get past the whole idea of you saying your guy is just doing covers.

 

Anybody who has written and played (especially recorded) music with other people totally get the whole comparison to it being like a sexual experience. Doing covers is not even a quarter of that experience. No wonder your guy is having problems with you. Sounds like a bruised ego to me. And add to that the fact that you comprehend Jazz?

 

I was actually going to list a bunch of bands that are famous where most of the band members are guys but there's at least one woman in the band but that's actually a long list. I saw a show recently about Fleetwood Mac though and that's a perfect example. They had seriously rough times (and loads of drama within the band) but they sure had a lot of fans at one time and wrote great songs people really loved.

 

Honour, I'm not saying break it off with this guy but I have to tell you I am so much happier out of the type of relationship you are now in. Now music is something I experience together with someone. I don't have an ego and neither does the guy I'm with right now so no problems.