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As I look back on my RS, I realize how there were 2 totally distinct, and opposite, environments at play. On the one side, I loved this person so much and now feel so much pain grieving the loss of them. Remembering so many great times, so much fun had and experiences shared. Wondering how I was ever happy, or complete before being with them. How I was so lucky I finally found them, and knowing this would continue forever and never come un-done. The love. The longing. The excitement. The passion.

 

And the other side of the coin... How the RS was so one-sided. How I was constantly giving to the RS and receiving very little in return. How I wonder if this person ever really did love me at all? How little respect there was. How little communication there was. How selfish they were. How they put others needs and wants above mine. The confusion. The frustration. The anger. The resentment.

 

I guess what confuses me, is how both of these things were happening at the same time? It doesn't make sense. It seems so overwhelming. So futile. So impossible. I just don't know anymore.

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