seriousgirl Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Just want to know how many OW gets happy ending with the MM in the end. And how long does the whole thing take ?? have you two broke up or seperated for a while im between ?? THanks
skywriter Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Well ..... I can't say that I had a happy ending with the MM as you asked. However, I'm happy and I ended it. 12
cocorico Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Just want to know how many OW gets happy ending with the MM in the end. And how long does the whole thing take ?? have you two broke up or seperated for a while im between ?? THanks We haven't ended, but we certainly are happy! We've been happily M now for years, with no sign of it getting stale or humdrum or all those other things that are supposed to be characteristic of M and "why WS cheat". It's just great. All As are different, but for us the A lasted a few years before we could both be together and get M. We did not break up or separate. We have been together throughout, with just the name of the R changing. 3
latergater Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Just want to know how many OW gets happy ending with the MM in the end. And how long does the whole thing take ?? have you two broke up or seperated for a while im between ?? THanks He had MANY MANY happy endings but they weren't the kind you are referring to here. Ha! Sorry to hijack your thread. I couldn't resist. 4
SweetiePie12 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Just want to know how many OW gets happy ending with the MM in the end. The conclusion of every day is a happy day. He is truly a beautiful person. have you two broke up or seperated for a while im between ?? Never. What few misunderstandings we've had, we talk it out right away.
So happy together Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 We are still in the middle of the D, but things are going according to plan, we are very, very happy, and will spend the next week together. He's a great guy and I adore him. <3 3
Got it Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Just want to know how many OW gets happy ending with the MM in the end. And how long does the whole thing take ?? have you two broke up or seperated for a while im between ?? THanks What does a happy ending mean? My way of thinking that is two TOTALLY different things. :laugh: But in all seriousness, until someone is on their death bed, there isn't an ending to analysis. Are we together? Yes. Are we happy today? Yes. Will I say it was a "happy ending"? I have no way of knowing. If you are asking, does the MM leave? Sure, in some cases for different reasons with different outcomes. There is no step by step manual, timeline, or process that one can do that will ensure an outcome. Look at your situation, are you happy today? Does he bring value to your life? If so then take today and re-evaluate tomorrow. If being in an affair is not a long term goal then give yourself/him a timeline. Discuss with him your thoughts, feelings, concerns, come up with a timeline/boundary and stick with it. You can't force him to take action, he is going to need to walk his own path, but you can have an ending date to make sure you are prioritizing yourself. He is his own person, just like you are your own person, and no one can make the other do anything. My husband and I were both married when the affair started, we had to divorce our own way, I left in about a month, his took a year, dday, break up, etc. before he separated. He had finances and kids to factor in which I didn't. Every situation is different, I knew there was a 50/50 chance he was leaving and I could see the pros and cons on each side. I saw what he was giving up if he left, I saw what he was giving up if he stayed. Both made sense, both had consequences. But that didn't mean that I wasn't making decisions for myself. I gave an acceptable amount of time that I could agree to and then we broke up. I had dealbreakers that I had to stand by for myself and I knew that either he would do what he needed to be with me, or I would move on and either way I knew I would be happy with or without him. My life was going to continue to be good because I was making sure it would be. Take care of you, prioritize you, and everything will fall into place as it should. whatever that ends up being. 5
Got it Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 According to her he has already told her he wants to stay married and does not want a relationship with her. Then they are ended? Or that he is not wanting to divorce and if he did he would not want a relationship with her? Bottomline, if ended then he is saying/doing what he wants to do and as hard is it is, respect it, mourn the ending, and move on.
LilGirlandOW Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 In all honesty at the begining of mine and my MM A/R, I googled the crap out of this subject trying to find a exact statistic or precise answer, most of which scared the crap out of me, most opinion led to rarely never, so i would google again trying to find the answer i wanted like "The always leave for OW and they live happily ever after" I spent so much wasted time on this and worrying about the when/will/If of him leaving that I started feeling kinda depressed and alone, i put my google search away and reflected about our time together and the person he is, how we enrich eachothers lives and decided that I cant hinge myself on his marital status.
Got it Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 In all honesty at the begining of mine and my MM A/R, I googled the crap out of this subject trying to find a exact statistic or precise answer, most of which scared the crap out of me, most opinion led to rarely never, so i would google again trying to find the answer i wanted like "The always leave for OW and they live happily ever after" I spent so much wasted time on this and worrying about the when/will/If of him leaving that I started feeling kinda depressed and alone, i put my google search away and reflected about our time together and the person he is, how we enrich eachothers lives and decided that I cant hinge myself on his marital status. And you have to look at the statistics, what they are based on, etc. The lovely 3% that is espoused here and other places is based on a very small study of men and a resulting marriage of 5 years. So if a MM left but he and the OW didn't marry then it didn't count, etc. The percent doesn't matter, if you polled the percentages of people dating who marry the stats are going to be low as most people date multiple people before they marry and just one date(rs) are going to great affect the numbers. What matters is the reality of one's situation, the details, and the individuals in it. Love/relationships are a gamble. There is a better chance you are going to end up with hurt and the opposite, this is just the nature of opening up your heart.
LilGirlandOW Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Got It, You're absolutly right! I realize this, I refelcted on our time together and there were many times in the begining where he didnt want to have sex because he didnt want me to think we were all about sex and we would cuddle, talk and learn more about eachother, he said i love you first to me, and it wasnt cause i expected it,, it was actually as i was walking away from him as he was leaving to go to work, he said it so sweetly and like with a "shyness" to it, i knew it wasnt smoke and mirrors, i feel it when he says i love you and stares mein the eyes and everyday, every single day he makes a point to tell me how much he appreciates the person i am, and yeah we have alot of AMAZING sex, we send dirty texts from time to time, but the majority of our conversation is learning about eachother, giving feedback about eachother and little "love bird" type reassurances. He tells me he's scared I will find a single man as I am a single woman, he tells me this as he holds my hand tight like I mights slip away that second. Awwwwe
LilGirlandOW Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 wow so i just realized i spent that whole post babbling and not making my point, lol, my point is, i base our possible outcome on the direction i feel our relationship is going, not "google search" LOL Thats what i was trying to say
ComingInHot Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 happy "ending"? To me ending if the finality of life here on earth. If I died tomorrow. The story would end. It would end Happily For Me. I lived a life where I didn't destroy another person or family. I lived an Honest & authentic life. I lived and Loved out in the open and out loud. Seriously serious girl, if You died tomorrow, would Your life, the way you live it today, be a Happy ending? Right now, you are just a chapter. What will your story read lime if You died tomorrow? Happy Ending? Tragedy? * 1
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 He made is decision for now. Act like it is for a lifetime and focus on YOU. If he comes back, you may not even want him. But for now it needs to be about you. Don't waste your time, please - there are so many people on here that will tell you the same thing because we have all been through it. 1
MissBee Posted May 27, 2013 Posted May 27, 2013 Happy ending in terms of an A, for me, would be being together in an open R, without the limits and constrains of an A. It isn't necessarily about marriage or "forever", but simply, no longer having to be in an affair with what that entails, but simply being in a relationship that you don't need to explain. My exAP and I got a chance to do that; but, it was some years after the A ended, we had been in NC, I had moved on, he broke up with his SO and also was dating someone else, and then after all that we reconnected. We ended things because there were other issues though, but that's the other thing, an A relationship may or may not last just like any other, but at least when you get the chance in the open, you can lay it to rest with the closure that it wasn't meant to be, versus the turmoil of "what ifs" many feel, and I certainly felt, while it was an A. 4
GettingOver Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 It sounds like you are asking how many of us OW (I am FOW) ended up with the MM? It happens. My exMM and I did break up, actually, I broke up with him and they got divorced, and now he and I are together. I didn't break up with him to force his hand although I knew that their marriage was a trainwreck. I broke up with him because I didn't want to help them carry on their fake marriage any further. Ironically, when I wasn't around anymore to fill in the gaps and make his marriage bearable - neither of them could do it anymore. This makes me thinking that the OW hanging around and waiting, being a dormat and a vest to her MM, is less likely gonna make it to the "happy ending" than the one who walk away. Cause I do agree that any OW can fill the gaps in any bad M. And once she is gone the guy is more likely to experience the worst of his M. When you're around and simply accept everyting he is likely to just relax and take advantage. Not because he is a bad person but because it is sort of natural - you do not respect yourself, have no boundaries, why should he then? I have to confess that I was that kind of OW, I put him all the time first, I was addicted to him!! This kind of behaviou doesn't encourage men to fight for their women... In general, not only in affairs. It took me almost a year to finally collect myself from the floor and stop it. And I did it for ME, not to make HIM realize what he's lost. And I really hope that even if he's back and even if D, I wont be that much interested. Cause the guy is having a lot of baggage (like most MM) that you can accept only when you really love him so much...
Summer Breeze Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 I'm a lot like LFH that I wasn't a typical OW. I set my boundaries and I had more control over the R than he did for the most part. I ended it after a couple of years because I started wanting more and he wasn't going to leave home. It shocked him because at that point we were happier than we had been at any point in the R. Fast forward 4 years and he gets a D and moves to his own place. He goes into IC and when the D is final we started over. I had my happy ending when I walked away. I was happy with my decisions and like LFH I loved him and I knew he loved me. I was sad that it was over but lots of things end in life. I also have no idea what our ending will be. I felt some pressure at first that since he had done all that I was somehow obligated to enter into an R with him and MAKE SURE it worked out. We've worked through it all and right now it's going really well. Will we get married? Will we live together for the rest of our days? Will we decide after 6 months that it's not working? I have no idea but I am happy now and so is he. 3
Summer Breeze Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Yes, the guy told her he does not want a relationship with her, that he intends to stay married and doesn't want contact with her, but she persists in asking for ways to get rid of the wife. She may not recognize it's a happy ending for her yet. It could well be that once she settles and moves on with her life that happiness has been waiting for her in a whole different form. And no disrespect but I don't think it's up to you to talk about someone else's happy endings any more than it is for someone else to talk about yours. 2
crederer Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Statistically very few. I also found it quite ironic how one poster said she was looking for stats on google and kept looking until she found a stat that she liked but couldn't find one. Then another OW posted how the stats are flawed lol. Sorry but that is basically doing the exact same thing....and hilarious. 3
georgia girl Posted May 28, 2013 Posted May 28, 2013 Seriousgirl, I think what you fail to see is that you have it within you to author your own happy ending. However, because you are so fixated on this man and his wife, you keep scripting your own disasters. Having one person choose you and building a life together is the most wonderful experience in the world. From our first date, to the day he asked me to marry him, to our wedding day and to a hiking getaway this past weekend, the love and life I share with my husband is so affirming. But it started with choosing well for myself. And finding someone who would totally commit to me- and rejecting anyone else who wouldn't. This man did not commit to you. Even further, I suspect a little bit that he's fallen out of love with you. That doesn't make you a bad person, or not a "catch," but that's the ebb and tide of dating. It's natural and it's supposed to happen that way. But eventually, you really do find the right one and I can absolutely promise you that it won't be as hard as this relationship you want right now. You have to open yourself up to this change. You're 25 and you are wasting your time with this man. Go date and kiss some frogs. It's fun and the free movies are a blast! And then let the right one come along, pursue you and gradually fall in love. It's amazing. I really hope the best for you. Take care.
UntoTheBreach3 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Got it, I totally agree with your post. My lover and I set a timeline of one year and it just passed and I am out of my relationship and she is in the final stages of divorce with him moved out months ago. Neither of our exes had good careers and a lot of income so we both gave them time to save money and make arrangements. We had a plan and stuck to it like adults. That's all you can be.
KathyM Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 The statistics show that 3% of all affairs end up with the affair couple getting married to each other. Of that 3%, 65% of those marriages end in divorce, using the statistics for failure rate of second marriages in general. Of course, second marriages arising from an affair often also have significantly more trust issues in addition to the normal issues which erode the marriage, so that 65% is likely higher. That would mean that roughly 1% of affairs have happy endings. The other 99% do not.
Praying4Peace Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Sometimes the happy ending might be that you DIDN'T end up with him. He's just a human, like you, and he might not be the right one for you. Life has a funny way of working out if you stop pushing it in a direction its not naturally going in. What if the only thing standing between you and the love of your life (not him, the real love of your life) is the fact that you won't look away from this car-crash of a situation and see what else the world has to offer? 7
KathyM Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 ^^ proof that people twist stats to make their side look better. Most statistics are made up Depends where you get your statistics from. Some have more legitimacy than others. I looked one day to see what we were at. There is one study that lists those numbers. Another study list 20-45% You are comparing apples to oranges. The statistics I mentioned involved affairs that actually led to the affair partners marrying each other. Highly doubtful almost half of all affairs end up with the affair partners marrying each other. A third shows 15-27% varying by age a fourth showed that 75% "gave it a go" which I found very hard to believe 75% of affairs ended in marriage? I think we can rule out that statistic as bogus. a fifth showcased a particular subset made up of upper middle class, dual income indivduals who had been married for 10 or more years, and of those 31% left their partners to be together and after 5 years over 80% were still together. The divorce rate is 50% for first marriages, 65% for second marriages. That is a statistic that is upheld in a variety of studies. I find it hard to believe that 80% of these marriages you refer to lasted. That would go against all of the studies and statistics that I have read. After 5 totally differing and conflicting studies, I gave up and fully gave in to the fact that there IS NO validating this. I can't validate any statistics, and of course, neither can you, without doing studies of our own. So I'll consider the statistics from affairs of people I know IRL. Of the 15 affairs I can think of offhand involving people I know IRL, one ended in marriage between the affair partners. And that marriage is now dissolved. None of these couples ended up with a happy ending. I can name over 3% from here alone that have what I (and they) would consider successful relationships/happy endings and that's not counting the hundreds/thousands/tens of thousands of couples worldwide that never disclose that they were an affair couple or that aren't on here talking about it. We are talking about two different things. I'm talking about affairs that end in marriage. You are talking about several other types of endings. I don't consider what you have to be a successful ending. Your MM is still married to his wife. You only see him part time. The odds stink. Let's all admit that, but it does happen. Believing you will be the "difference" might make you feel better but it isn't going to make it happen. However, that's no need for anyone to try and twist random statistics into "fact" when we all know they aren't. I'm not trying to twist anything. I'm going by the statistic that is out there that I believe is the most reliable. I have no horse in this race. I used the statistic that I believed was the most reliable, and it is certainly the one that has proven to be the most accurate from the real life affairs of the people I know.
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