backspn Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Maybe someone can help me with this one. At this point I am SO confused. I am currently doing the NC thing and its been 2 days since Ive talked to her....I know its not a long time right now but still am confused. She always knew what she had in me and we made plans....although they were distant plans....we still knew that we wanted to be with each other. So when she broke up with me it came as a huge shock. If anyone doesnt know my story....I have known her for 4 years and we were together for almost 3 years. We were each others everything and we knew it. We lived about an hour away from each other and we spent most of the week on the phone at night with each other watching TV or doing homework and on the weekends we would spend time with each other. Well last April she decided that she wanted to see what else was out there and wanted to spread her wings. She started dating this guy about a month or so after our split and that relationship ended badly about a month after that. He broke her heart pretty much, one day he just stopped calling. So since then she hasnt wanted to see me even though we have talked everynight since April. Well just a couple of days ago she realized that she is unhappy cause she never got over him and cannot get into another relationship cause of this. She said she is starting to heal but is not sure when she will be. Anyways......the reason why I am confused is the blogs she writes on her website about her problems and her thoughts. She knows that I and other people see the blogs. The guy who broke her heart doesnt know her website so that is irrelevant. Does she put these blogs for me to see or is it not that cut and dry? I am doing the complete NC until I notice that she needs to talk to me more and wants to be around me. What does this blog mean if anything? I really want to be her "guy" again. It was the best feeling in the world to be loved by her. Anyways...this is what it said....any thoughts would be much appreciated. BTW....line 3 is the most confusing to me.....she knows that's how we were. Uggghhhh!!! Do I have a chance again???? well, i don't know...seriously i don't know anymore. i thought i was fine during summer. i guess i was just blinding myself. how long does it take to heal...i never remembered it hurting this much. i don't blame anyone for all this...i don't even want to blame myself for being so damn naive, to actually think things would be perfect. i guess i've always thought that i would have someone so special and we would both feel it, we would both feel that we would never leave each other... should i give up on love? no, i don't think so. why should i give that sour experience ruin the rest of the ones to come? i guess i am ready to settle down...not like i want to get married right at this instant, because i'm not ready for that, not even close. i just want to find someone i can be with for awhile. i hate believing that...but it's hard...slowly...patience. am i willing to go through this again? i don't know...is it worth it?
sunlight Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Ughm. just put it out there. No. She doesnt want you, she already has you and knows this. If she had wanted you she would have made it so long ago. She left you for another guy. He broke her heart, why would you want her back?
Scott S Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 I've been following your other threads. I'm very sorry to see you in such turmoil. BTW....line 3 is the most confusing to me.....she knows that's how we were. It sounds like something she has always wanted, and still wants now. That is, a love relationship that would last forever. That's what most people want. The question is with whom? It appears she doesn't have that answer, & unfortunately for you it's unclear to her right now whether you are that special person. The fact that you are maintaining contact with each other is a good sign. At least she hasn't cut you out of her life completely. Whether you will ever have a love relationship again is unclear, though. With a view to that, I think it would do you a lot of good to cultivate other relationships. Not romances, but platonic friendships. You're in a rebound of sorts right now, & such a relationship would likely have the same results as the one she had right after you broke up.
Scott S Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Originally posted by Scott S The fact that you are maintaining contact with each other is a good sign. At least she hasn't cut you out of her life completely. Whether you will ever have a love relationship again is unclear, though. To clarify this point - If you want to, & are able to handle it emotionally, keep & enjoy a platonic friendship with her, & don't try to make it what it used to be. Leave that up to her.
Author backspn Posted October 1, 2004 Author Posted October 1, 2004 So since we stay in touch so much as it is.....do you think that a complete NC is not a good idea? I dont think she can see how much she loves me and how much I love her cause she has had me for so long and is too close to the situation. The million dollar question is.....will it be better to do the NC(knowing our history) or better to cut way back on the contact? Which will get me the best result for my ultimate goal of her missing me and needing me again? What do you think this meant? I dont fully understand what Sunlight was saying? Ughm. just put it out there. No. She doesnt want you, she already has you and knows this. If she had wanted you she would have made it so long ago.
Scott S Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Originally posted by backspn So since we stay in touch so much as it is.....do you think that a complete NC is not a good idea? If you are able to remain friendly with each other, you both can emotionally handle the contact, & can accept the likelihood that your relationship will only be a platonic friendship, then I think NC is unnecessary. Originally posted by backspn I dont think she can see how much she loves me and how much I love her cause she has had me for so long and is too close to the situation. The million dollar question is.....will it be better to do the NC(knowing our history) or better to cut way back on the contact? Which will get me the best result for my ultimate goal of her missing me and needing me again? Right now, a better objective is to be mature & rational. You cannot make someone love you, miss you, want you, need you, or anything else. You simply cannot control another person's feelings. Only she can decide whether a particular person will meet her needs & expectations in a love relationship. As much as I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, it seems that you are not that person. I think you will achieve the best results for you by cultivating other relationships & shifting your focus off of her. I know that's difficult, but being needy, possessive, obsessive, etc. will only make you look like a mental case, & possibly a candidate for a restraining order. I wish you well.
seductress989 Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 I truly agree with Scott, backspn. You are not going anywhere with this relationship. It is obvious that you still love her and cannot accept just being friends with her. I am in the same boat as you right now w/my ex b/f. I have started NC w/o telling him. It's been 5 days. I know that isn't long. But last nite I could've easily seen him, and I didn't. I felt so proud of myself and like I was finally getting somewhere. Like Scott said, you need to take the focus off her. She is not worth it! Since I am a girl, let me tell you what makes me miss a guy like my ex. Complete NC. It makes you wonder more since you have absolutely no idea what they are doing or where they are at. Some girls could respond differently to this, but I believe this would be your best bet at achieving your goal of her missing you. If I were you right now, I would do complete NC for at least 1 month. After that, if you couldn't stand it any longer, then contact her via txt or something subtle. Just be strong and let things develop. I hope this helps.
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