ConfusedT Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Well this is the longest we've ever went without speaking in over 1.5 years. Todays NOT one of my good days, but I guess it comes with the territory. Even though he did me so wrong, I miss him being here and I miss the good times that we had. There's not an excuse in the world for what he put me through or did to me and he still has yet to even apologize for everything . I'm hoping that the NC will just start the healing process that I need and help raise my self-respect/worth again. Sitting here crying at home, while pretending that everything is ok is so frustrating, but I guess that is what must be done. I'm so afraid of being alone, being by myself, when all I ever wanted was to be happy and share my life with someone else and my son. Guess today is just one of my bad days.. I would never wish this feeling on anyone in the world, I wish I would have never fell in love again with someone who didnt deserve it :..(
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 You are not alone. I totally get what you are saying. This has been a rough week for me to. And I am almost 70 days NC. Feels like day 1. Or maybe even worse... How long NC for you??
forgetmenot75 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 You'll be fine. Hang in there. We all have bad days, but there's light at the end, I promise
Author ConfusedT Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 70 days? Oh no, Im not even close, i am at day 3. I broke up with him 3 weeks ago after I caught him cheating on me AGAIN, then we've had LC back and forth only causing more drama and more heartache for me, bc even though I couldn't be with him any longer, i still love him with my whole heart. Its like losing the other half of you.. Sighs, day 70 is BEAUTIFUL........... I know I'll get there, it just hurts..
michaelbluth Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 How long has it been NC for? I was at 6 weeks no contact and it was going well. I now have to see her for the next 7 weeks. It has been so much harder for me to see her. I am a mess again. I am rehashing the entire relationship again in my head, trying to glean if she has any residual feelings (I don't think so) and hoping she calls to say she wants me back. I promise its much better doing no contact than it is to talk and see them.
Author ConfusedT Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Why do you have to see her? Its only been a few days NC for me. Not long enough to make a difference. 6 weeks is good too though, just stay strong. I've been through this before and it gets worse before it gets better, but it does get better. I, fortunately, can cut him out, even though its killing me to do so.
michaelbluth Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Why do you have to see her? Its only been a few days NC for me. Not long enough to make a difference. 6 weeks is good too though, just stay strong. I've been through this before and it gets worse before it gets better, but it does get better. I, fortunately, can cut him out, even though its killing me to do so. We both just graduated law school and are taking a bar review course. I have been through this before as well. I remember the pain and the anxiety. I thought that we would get married. That thought is haunting me. I was doing so much better before having to see her. I know how you must be feeling. It's so hard to make the decision to cut them out. You don't want to. Not at all. But you know you have to to move on. I'm really sorry you are going through this.
Harradin Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 7 and a bit months NC, it does work! You just have to stick to it!
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 7 and a bit months NC, it does work! You just have to stick to it! Honestly. It better I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Almost unbearable... 2
Harradin Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Honestly. It better I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Almost unbearable... Stick it through and it gets better! Its like a spring that's been damped (only way I can describe it,) the amount it moves gets smaller as time passes. Or a rollercoaster where the hills and dips keep getting smaller! 1
BustedUpInside Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I was trying to think of a good metaphor for how NC helps you get over your ex and heal from the break up. This the best one I can come up with. Ok, imagine that you are on one side of a huge wall made up of very very tiny bricks. On your side, it is pretty boring. Nothing horrible, but nothing good either. Everyone looks kind of sad and no one seems to be making any progress at anything. You can't see what is going on the other side of the wall, but occasionally you hear what might be fun noises. If you break the wall down, it could be great, but it could also be horrible. It is hard to tell because you can't see through the tiny bricks. Now every day you pull a tiny brick out of the wall. You have decided to leave the boring world behind and at least see what's on the other side. Some days you actually remove two bricks. Some days you get scared and put a few back. However, eventually you make progress and you can actually see the other side. It really does look a lot better than where you are living, but it is scary because you can't see all of it yet, so some times you put some bricks back. Then one day the hole is big enough that you can step through to the other side. You still wait awhile because that first step is going to be rough. You will have to leave behind the familiar, if not terribly exciting, to try something new, but eventually you make your way through. Now that you are on the other side, you have to make a choice. Do you leave the hole there or do you start putting the bricks back so that you are firmly planted in the new world. When you seal off any possible path of retreat back to the boring world, that is when you know you are healed. I know, it's kind of a dumb example but the visualization of undone progress and the image of sealing up the past at the end when I am ready to fully embrace the new does help me, so maybe it would help you too. 3
Author ConfusedT Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 I was trying to think of a good metaphor for how NC helps you get over your ex and heal from the break up. This the best one I can come up with. Ok, imagine that you are on one side of a huge wall made up of very very tiny bricks. On your side, it is pretty boring. Nothing horrible, but nothing good either. Everyone looks kind of sad and no one seems to be making any progress at anything. You can't see what is going on the other side of the wall, but occasionally you hear what might be fun noises. If you break the wall down, it could be great, but it could also be horrible. It is hard to tell because you can't see through the tiny bricks. Now every day you pull a tiny brick out of the wall. You have decided to leave the boring world behind and at least see what's on the other side. Some days you actually remove two bricks. Some days you get scared and put a few back. However, eventually you make progress and you can actually see the other side. It really does look a lot better than where you are living, but it is scary because you can't see all of it yet, so some times you put some bricks back. Then one day the hole is big enough that you can step through to the other side. You still wait awhile because that first step is going to be rough. You will have to leave behind the familiar, if not terribly exciting, to try something new, but eventually you make your way through. Now that you are on the other side, you have to make a choice. Do you leave the hole there or do you start putting the bricks back so that you are firmly planted in the new world. When you seal off any possible path of retreat back to the boring world, that is when you know you are healed. I know, it's kind of a dumb example but the visualization of undone progress and the image of sealing up the past at the end when I am ready to fully embrace the new does help me, so maybe it would help you too. OH MY GOD. It's not a dumb example at all! It is a perfect example, you're building and taking away at the same time. Building your strength (ability to remove the bricks) by taking away the thing that is causing you problems (the bricks themselves)!! And once you are finely able to see clearly (or partially) - because at this point you have built yourself up enough to have the courage to actually make that step towards independence, you have to step through the "wall of resistance" to see which side you land on. You can either close the hole (huge gaping wound in our heart) or continue to leave it open!!! I LOVE this analogy!!!!!!! :love::love: 1
itto ogami Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Think about the cheating and the disrespect, through the justified anger you will realize that a lot of your precious time and feelings have been spared further waste. That takes time but you'll get there and it will be sooooo good for you.
crazy1234 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Well this is the longest we've ever went without speaking in over 1.5 years. Todays NOT one of my good days, but I guess it comes with the territory. Even though he did me so wrong, I miss him being here and I miss the good times that we had. There's not an excuse in the world for what he put me through or did to me and he still has yet to even apologize for everything . I'm hoping that the NC will just start the healing process that I need and help raise my self-respect/worth again. Sitting here crying at home, while pretending that everything is ok is so frustrating, but I guess that is what must be done. I'm so afraid of being alone, being by myself, when all I ever wanted was to be happy and share my life with someone else and my son. Guess today is just one of my bad days.. I would never wish this feeling on anyone in the world, I wish I would have never fell in love again with someone who didnt deserve it :..( hey there..im sorry to hear they u'r in such grave pain but know that we all are or have been going through this rough patch of life right now.I'm in a similar position except that i dont love him one bit cause he doesnt deserve it.I dont even want him back.I just feel really angry,bt coming back to your point..please dont stay home..please please please!i did that too..and mind you..not one day..or a week..or few months..i did that for a whole ****ing year(i was afraid of seeing him with someone else as he lives in my road) but it didnt get me anywhere..force yourself to get out of the house nomatter what!!!if you'r not working currently,you should immediately apply for a job,and join gym or yoga and know that its okay.You'r going to be fine..let them go to hell and die..they dont deserve to be loved.Some people just don't.So hang in there..and u'll be fine soon.
Author ConfusedT Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 hey there..im sorry to hear they u'r in such grave pain but know that we all are or have been going through this rough patch of life right now.I'm in a similar position except that i dont love him one bit cause he doesnt deserve it.I dont even want him back.I just feel really angry,bt coming back to your point..please dont stay home..please please please!i did that too..and mind you..not one day..or a week..or few months..i did that for a whole ****ing year(i was afraid of seeing him with someone else as he lives in my road) but it didnt get me anywhere..force yourself to get out of the house nomatter what!!!if you'r not working currently,you should immediately apply for a job,and join gym or yoga and know that its okay.You'r going to be fine..let them go to hell and die..they dont deserve to be loved.Some people just don't.So hang in there..and u'll be fine soon. Thank you for the words. Yea, the pain is unbearable and there is nothing i can do about it but let time take its course I guess and sadly I guess its hurting me than it is him. I am going to go out of course but Im not ready, Im not happy or friendly or cheerful. im miserable and it shows in my face. Everyone knows. you can look at a person and tell if theyre happy, even beyond their smile. at least i can. i am broken at least right now 1
rather_confused_girl Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 My ex broke up with me and it just ripped my heart out I sat down and actually wrote up a pro's and con's list for being with my ex, 4 pros and about 15 con's!! After that I really found some closure in myself about it. Actually started feeling a bit bad for him cause wow good luck fella!! lol Of course now my ego is a bit bruised because I realized how much I lowered my standards for him in regards of what I wanted out of life and HE broke up with ME? Yeah kind of embarrassing but Im getting over it lol 1
crazy1234 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Sometimes you need to force yourself,buckle up,look all nice and smile.I'm always angry and frustrated and i hardly talk to anyone in class.I read somewhere in an article that if we force ourselves to feel something for example-trying to fake a smile,we can actually send these emotions to our brain to adapt that and accept the state we are forcing again and again..so if you try to be happy,force it on..u will find yourself being happy sooner than later:) 1
rather_confused_girl Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 That is actually very true!! It's called fake it till you make it! You can trick your brain in a way to actually move on by faking the happy emotions because before you even realize it you arent faking anymore. It's strange how our brains work. At first though it isnt going to feel good or right but just keep it up! It gets easier and after that effortless 1
Recommended Posts