datdude Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I just had my heart broken about three months ago (she decided to move out of state, without a possibility of me in it). However, there is an old crush that moved back home about the same time. I had no idea at the time, but reached out to her a couple weeks ago... To my surprise she wanted to hang out, catch up and go out the following night. We had actually gone out to a baseball game three years ago... hit it off well, but that was during a break from school... and the distance of going to separate schools definitely was kinda in the way. We flirted back and forth for many, many months... then I met my ex, life happened and we stopped communication. Which brings me to today. Our night went so well... We went out bowling, were high fiving the entire night and engaged in hours of open conversation. It's like we couldn't stop talking and everything was fair game. The eye contact was spot on, she proposed a bet for our bowling match, asked endless questions about my ex, asked when she was leaving, what if she came back into the picture, questions about life, our values and goals, etc.... Needless to say, it went well. It ended with a comforting hug at the end of the night and she said that we had to do it again. She also made a remark that I had to cook for her next time (as I told her that I loved to cook earlier in the night). She began sending me good morning texts, sent a random text a few days later saying how she was thinking of me and hoped I was well. The flirting began again and it was going sooo well, I couldn't believe it. It turns out that she just graduated and went back up with her family for her commencement. The night before, I called her to tell her I couldn't get her off my mind... Her response was, "wait... really?" She sounded surprised and embarrassed, giggled and said we definitely have to go out again. Since that, I haven't heard from her. I definitely needed to get that off my chest, so I have no regrets. I know I can't text or call, as I don't want to come off too needy... and I also want to gauge her true interest. When I had mentioned that I was surprised she wanted to go out the following night right after I reached out, she mentioned it was either that night, or a couple weeks after her graduation. I assume she's had things lined up for a while. The thing that gets me is that she has laid off the texting... Even though she may be busy. She actually "liked" some recent photos on Facebook of me, so I'm thinking she wouldn't have done so if she wanted nothing to do with me. Need some feedback on feeling this girl. We both acknowledged there was potential years ago and that some things happen for a reason. We know so much about each other, have soooo much in common, it's ridiculous. I've always had this gut feeling about something amazing working out with her, but I'm not sure where it stands as of now. She made it known that she was gonna be busy... Hoping it wasn't so much so soon... Hoping that I didn't scare her away. Need some insight!
salparadise Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 The problem is that you need to be leading this dance, and you just gave it away by telling her "I couldn't get her off my mind..." She no longer sees you as an exciting challenge. It's way to early be going fuzzy, and it's generally better to keep things challenging and uncertain until it has progressed... well, a lot farther than it has. Saying, "I just called because I was thinking of you" is nice but it doesn't change the dynamic. Saying you can't get her off your mind is telling her that you're at her mercy and that makes you look weak. If she's not texting you, then you need to back off and hope that you can recover it.
ja123 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 What's wrong with expressing feelings? I think it's about time people were a bit more forthright and stop playing games. I don't see anything wrong with a guy saying "I couldn't get you off my mind." If I felt the same, then I'd be very happy he told me. However, if I wasn't that into him, then I'd want to back off because I'd be worried about not reciprocating his feelings and hurting him. 1
salparadise Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I just think it was just way to early, not that it was inherently wrong. There's a difference between playing games and being good at the dance. Early on in the process you want to keep things energized. Uncertainty and anticipation encourage both parties to continue investing energy, attention and emotion. She was thoroughly engaged in the process, and then... what he said changed the dynamic. Women want to be pursued on one level, but they also want something of a challenge on another.
kassy Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I don't think you've done anything wrong. But cool it on the cheesy stuff for a little. I'm really confused why you haven't called her or at least texted to ask when she's back and free to go out again? I'm sure she's probably thinking well it's great I lead the horse to water and it makes a declaration but doesn't ask me out again... Wtf. At least that's what I'd be thinking if I was her. Just ask her out. I'd be stunned if she said no. 1
Author datdude Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 For whatever reason, I guess I was relying upon having at least some history that had potential to go somewhere... it wasn't as if we just met, but I'm not so sure that would even matter at this point in the present. @salparadise: I can totally see how it quite possibly could have changed the dynamic of things... and maybe feels that there's nothing more for her to do. Along the lines of a "I got him if I want him" mentality, without anything left to pursue. @ja123: When we were talking about our old relationships, our lives and where we want to be in life... she brought up how much easier things would be if people were direct in what they mean, seeing things as black or white. Which is why I straight up told her how I felt when I called her. @kassy: She was only leaving for the weekend. I know she's back. Our moms had actually run into each other after they got back. No bad vibes whatsoever, if anything... they're happy that something had progressed. I can agree in part with all of you, but I just don't know what to do: 1) Do I wait (because I'm prideful) and part of me thinks she should make the next move and at least reach out to me, so I can gauge her interest? 2) Do I call her up and acknowledge that I know she's busy, but attempt to set something up for a future date? 3) Drop a text? (..but then I'd feel as if I'm reminding her that I exist and coming off too much, too needy, desperate, etc.) 4) Just carry on and if she reaches out to me, we go from there? 5)??? She made a remark that night that I'll never meet anyone as stubborn as her, which became something we teased each other about. Could this be stubbornness coming into play? She knows I'm very busy as well, studying and getting ready to apply to med school. You think she's avoiding me so that I can get things done without her clouding my mind? Don't know what to do.
salparadise Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I think that you should go ahead and contact her, probably a phone call. Keep it light and fun and ask her to go out do something with you. You really have no idea what's going on and nothing to lose by doing so- it's all just a bunch of imaginary scenarios playing in your head and not based on anything known. She's probably waiting for you to call. If she's backing off at least you'll figure it out, and if not then you pick it up where you left off earlier. Envision the best outcome not the worst.
Author datdude Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 The thought of calling her was bugging me all throughout today, but I couldn't do it. I guess that fear of her not answering took precedence over everything else. @salparadise: It's a week, today, since I last had any contact with her. She's never said no, never gave off the impression that she was backing away, even though I haven't heard from her. I did realize though that she has been the one to initiate things; first, hanging out (even though I planned the evening)... second, "we need to do this again." To go back to kassy's suggestion about making a "declaration, but doesn't ask me out again"... I might just have to step up and make that next move, and tell her that I want to take her out. It's not as if I told her "since the night we went out, I haven't been able to get you off my mind," but more so at that moment in time. And, even by stating that... that doesn't entitle me to anything... and she probably isn't thinking that she needs to "return" any phone call or initiate anything further. I guess there really is no other way to know, right?
kassy Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I think she has been ver encouraging and you are just not asking her out. If I was her I'd be thinking you were justessing with me. Don't leave it any longer, otherwise she might have just gotten over it. Just call her up be fun and casual and ask her out on a date and make sure you work out a time and date. Do it today. As for your pride: build a bridge and get over it. Most women won't be half as encouraging as she has been. So her pride is probably a bit wounded too. If it takes more than that for you to feel encouraged to ask someone out again then dating might not go too well for you. Go on just stop being silly you are potentially missing out on a great relationship over... I really don't even know. Ask her out today. 1
Recommended Posts