BLS Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 My senior prom just came and went. I did not go. My ex did go. We dated for just about 2.5 years. I know from a friend of mine that went to prom that she danced with people. Her "grinding" with other people was an issue in our relationship over 2 years back and it was agreed that she'd not do that. I feel miserable now that something that was really important to me was violated (i am aware i shouldn't have any expectations anymore, so I don't need a talking about THAT) I am sure she had an excellent time. I chose not to go, not because I could not get a date, but because I genuinely did not want to see her. I am extremely upset right now, it's 4am where I'm at so you guys are the only people I can really rant to. I am keeping strong on NC (8 weeks since breakup, 5 weeks NC). I feel miserable. It ****ing sucks that my high school career had to end this way. I know there is more to life and I know I will feel better. I hate this. Whoever reads this, thanks for your time.
McDonald Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Oh prom. I went to my junior prom but not senior. I just pregamed with a bunch of friends that night then went to the prom after party lol. A lot of us chose not to go. -- Don't feel like you missed out on that one thing high school is all about, because that's not true. Prom is no more then a night where classmates get together and dance. Nothing more----nothing less. It's understandable you don't want to see your ex. I do not really Know your story, but it seems like She hurt you. However past is the past, and your years of high school are coming to a close. I actually think this couldn't have happened at a better time. Will you be attending the same college as her? I'm sure that once you step into college and see the thousands of girls walking around, your ex will be history. You said it upset you that she was dancing with other guys. I can see by it would upset you, but recognize there is nothing you can do about it. Accept it. Control what YOU can control. Which would be your reaction to her dancing with others and in general, your reaction to anything she does. Don't beat yourself Up. Two months is NOT long at all. I'm on my 5th month since the BU. and it took until now to finally get over it (kinda lol) You don't want your HS career to end like this? Then do something about it my man. 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 As a 56-year-old mother myself, I think it's tragic that your parents didn't manage to encourage you to attend your prom. So, you missed a pretty important milestone in your life - the significance of which will stay with you for a long time - for something transitory, impermanent, and that in a while, will fade into complete insignificance. That's really sad. I mean, fancy letting something so juvenile cloud your life so much, that it trumps something as poignant as your Prom. See this thread..... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/395635-truth. And let the enormity of what you decided too do, sink in. I'm sad for you. But you have to let things go.
Nyla Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I'm going to share my stories, so that you may see the pain and regret that follows when you miss important rites of passage. Prom signifies the beginning of your adult life. You are leaving high school and hopefully going on to college, as an adult and not a teenager. I missed my prom because I had an awful vice principal who disliked me, so she tried to have me barred from prom because I was late for school too often. I had documented medical reasons for sleeping in, but this bitch still suspended me two days before prom and laughed in my face about it. The principal vetoed that decision but when I got to prom, my name had been taken off the list. It was awful. I wept for hours and then my boyfriend took me for a fancy dinner. I did not have a wedding because my husband and I could not afford it. My parents were only going to pay for my wedding, if I had absolutely no say in the planning. My husband and I didn't want to be engaged for YEARS so that we could afford a wedding, so we eloped. Our elopement was terrible because our very few guests were late. This messed up our plans and one of our guests was a complete azzhole to my husband and I. He kept calling us to complain about the cost of gas to get to our event. My parents did not speak to us for a year after we eloped. I am haunted by the fact that I have never enjoyed a special milestone in my adult life. Proms and weddings are huge moments for people; ones that they remember forever. You should have shown your ex that she wasn't going to break you, even though you and she were not together. I think you made a mistake. My husband and I will be renewing our vows and making it very much like a wedding. We were going to run off again, but some family members begged to be included this time around. My husband and I need to have the wedding we always wanted. 1
Treasa Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Although I went to all the other school dances, and even though I had a boyfriend, I didn't go to my senior prom. It was my cousin's 1st birthday, and I decided to go to that instead. Honestly, I can't remember jack **** about any of the other dances except what I wore. It's not going to affect your life. I promise. Know what I do remember? My graduation and my friends hugging me as we sang our last song in choir right there at the graduation ceremony. Glowing compliments from teachers that have stuck with me. 2
CorridorE Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I went to prom 2 years ago with my now ex of 3 years and had been planning on going with him again this year for my own senior prom. Since he left me, I'm choosing not to go at all this year. It's next Friday, and going would only remind me of him since I don't have anyone else I'd be comfortable going with, even though all my girlfriends tried to convince me to go. I'm sad to not be going with him... But I'm not sad about missing the dance itself. 2 years ago I had fun dressing up and taking pictures, but I really feel that prom is extremely overrated. Especially now that it's all about short dresses and grinding... In 2013 I don't think it's significant of entering adult life or of anything else. Honestly I doubt you missed anything at all worth remembering, and I don't regret not buying a ticket. Plus you probably saved a lot of money. It's really not the great life event people believe it to be.
Author BLS Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 My parents let me do what i felt was right. I was definitely not emotionally equipped to handle seeing her at prom all dressed up, with her date (even if they did just go as friends) and having semi-sexual dances with people. Maybe I am wrong, but most of my pain at this time comes from the image of her having a blast with other guys and not so much from the fact that I didn't go to my prom. She did not do anything wrong. The break up was the most pleasant break up I could imagine. I do not believe there was somebody else. I believe we grew apart considering we dated for such a long time at a young age. A month before she broke up with me, I was just about sick of her and said I didn't love her anymore (albeit I took it back and tried to work on things) Through out the end of our relationship (last ~5 months) I knew we wouldn't last longer. This does not take away from the fact that she was always there for me and on the biggest night of the year I felt alone inside. I expected to be sad prom night and the following few days, it just hurt a lot harder than I had imagine. In my heart I know these feelings will fade.
BustedUpInside Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Oh BLS, I wish I was as young as you! I am not saying that in a patronizing way. I really am envious of a time when I thought that my whole life was ruined because of one even that is only important for about a month after it happened. I went to prom all four years of high school. Want to know what my fondest memory of high school was? Hanging out in my friend's garage watching movies and giggling about silly stuff. Seriously, that is my most vibrant and happy memory. I am not suggesting that you are wrong for being sad about missing something, but I would bet money (and I am really poor right now ) that five years from now, you won't even think about prom unless someone brings up some horror story of how theirs went. As for your ex, you can't really be "sure" that she had a good time. It is really just an assumption you are making based on how you remember her. Maybe she had a good time, maybe she had an awful time and was just pretending for appearance's sake. Either way, you don't really know and so it is better to not worry about it. It sounds like you are handling everything really well so far and in a very mature way. Keep in mind that this will just be one experience in a long long life full of love, sadness, good times, bad times, hope, disappointment, and fulfillment. You are a good person, and I guarantee that one day you will look back on your teenage self with humor and empathy. 1
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 @ BustedUp: Outstanding! This young man needs to know it DOES NOT, AND WILL NOT MATTER! He will still have fine memories of high school!! Silly stuff. You always have a kind word to offer! 1
TaraMaiden Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) BrokenHeartedSaviour contacted me privately, with news I wasn't aware of. I don't understand where exactly, I'm supposed to have got it wrong.... I never write anything with the expressed INTENTION of hurting anyone. I don't feel adding anything else at this point, would help, at all. Thank you for your PM's BrokenHeartedSaviour. I won't be replying, of course. Edited May 24, 2013 by TaraMaiden
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 And thank you Ma'am, I won't be replying either, other than telling you "Where you got it wrong" was your expression of it being "tragic" his parents didn't care enough..." Short of that, your advice has always been outstanding. G'day
TaraMaiden Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) I didn't say that. I said it was tragic that his parents didn't manage to convince him to go. Where did I say, didn't care? There is nothing uncaring in that. Please don't put words into my mouth, or twist the meaning to convey something completely different. For all I know, his parents might have tried every which way possible to convince him to go, with every good will and intention in the world, but because of his broken heart, could not get through to him. Edit to add: The whole point of my including that I am a 56-year-old mum myself, actually means that as a parent, it's really difficult to see one's child with a broken heart. The OP states that 'his parents let him do what was right'. the thing about 'right' is that it's objective: the goalposts are moveable. Someone's 'right' may not be a universal opinion, and indeed, even a person's own opinion about what is 'right' for them, is apt to change.... What is done,is done, and cannot be undone. But where on earth you got the impression that simply because I stated it was tragic that his parents had not managed to change his mind, was uncaring, is truly beyond me. Edited May 24, 2013 by TaraMaiden
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) Because it's IMPLIED. It has the same meaning, don't you think? "The whole point of my including that I am a 56-year-old mum myself, actually means that as a parent, it's really difficult to see one's child with a broken heart." Yes, I'm sure it certainly is. Edited May 24, 2013 by BrokenHeartedSavior
TaraMaiden Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Because it's IMPLIED. It has the same meaning, don't you think? "The whole point of my including that I am a 56-year-old mum myself, actually means that as a parent, it's really difficult to see one's child with a broken heart." Yes, I'm sure it certainly is. You know me quite well, yes? I've been here a long time, yes? I speak my mind, don't I? Don't you think that if I had meant 'CARED' I would have put 'CARED'? I neither meant, nor implied, nor insinuated, nor hinted at 'cared'. You read into it what you read into it. Remember who you are. That's why you read it as you did. But trust me, if i want to convey something - that's exactly what I do.
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) Good Enough Tara, I have ALWAYS trusted what you say, and still do! Your words helped me (and MANY) get through! You are a straight-shooter, no doubt. A simple misunderstanding? You are correct, "manage" is NOT the same as "CARE", now that I read your post again. My sincere apology, BHS Edited May 24, 2013 by BrokenHeartedSavior
TaraMaiden Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I'm sure it was. I'm happy to leave it at that and be cool again. (responded with above before you edited.) No apologies necessary. Be well.
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