turnerik Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 She won't really talk to me. She will message me like once every two weeks, but that's because she wants something or needs help with something. I want her back. She hasn't started dating anyone. We dated for 3 1/2 years. She broke up with me 2 months ago. I want to show her I realized my mistakes. I now understand what I was doing wrong, and I want her back. Some nights I just break down crying because I'm scared I'll never get a shot. I really am not worried about me messing up again if we get back together. I'm just scared of not getting another shot. I smothered her, kept her from her friends and was insecure. That's why I worked on myself! How can I improve my odds of her seeing me, and me getting her back?
eleve82 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 this is sort of the message that most ex gfs probably wants to hear. Its heart-warming to see that you are brave enough to admit your mistakes and give it another go - most guys find it easier just to move on. I would tell her upfront how you feel, ask to speak to her in person if possible and just go with it. Even if she tells you she doesn't feel the same, you'll know you've given it a shot again and you can move on with your life. You may need to prove to her that you have indeed changed tho. Good luck!
Simon Phoenix Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Best way to prove it is by not forcing the issue. Two months is hardly anything in a breakup. Just keep working on you and giving her space and maybe she'll eventually be curious. But this change is something she has to discover herself -- you can't just announce that you've changed. After two months she won't buy it. 2
cinta_satu Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I don't think you can 'force' her to see that you have changed. You can write letters, pour your heart out, and list countless reasons about how you have changed, but the truth is she won't see it until she chooses to see it. Just keep working on yourself and let your actions speak for you. Since she's been contacting you every now and then maybe she will pick up on a few things over time. Also, be careful not to become her 'doormat' since she's only been contacting you because she needs something. I'm not saying be rude or angry, but just be genuine/caring without being taken advantage of. Good luck and I hope things workout for you. 1
Treasa Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Leave her alone, especially if she's just contacting you when she wants help or needs something. I don't think it's possible to truly change that fast, and even if you have, you don't feel the need to let others know about it. Don't respond to her anymore. That will show her, more than anything, that you have changed, if you have. 1
Lostint Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 Two months is very little. Two months is about what it takes to adopt a new habit, not to make fundamental changes and make sure they stick. This is just my opinion, but I really think you need to have reached the acceptance stage before you can even think about rekindling things with your ex. Before that, you're still in the hysterical stage where you're not thinking straight and your judgement can't be relied upon - your ex probably knows that, people can pick up on that kind of stuff a mile away. Since you said you're still crying many nights, i would say you're still in the hysterical stage. I'm not a huge fan of no contact. I think if you want another shot, maintaining some kind of limited contact is necessary. However I do believe in doing your best to move on and reach a stage of acceptance. I've experienced the hysteria and it comes from trying to control things that you have no control over - your ex's behaviour. People look on this forum for some magical formula that will bring their ex's back but there is no such thing - people are unpredictable and you simply can't control another person. Everything changes in your head once you accept that.
Leigh 87 Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 She is not in love with you. She never will be irrespective of how much you change. I am in the same position as you are. I truly DO have some things I need therapy with - the way I could ask in my relationship was not healthy ...He said he left because I needed to change (as did he). He said he would probably want me back if I changed. Guess what? He was lying. Look mate, we could totally change and be the BEST version of ourselves... They will still NEVER fall madly in love with us. The love aint there and never will be; they cares for us and loved us a lot, but if they were truly IN love with us they would not have walked away. Let her move on and find a guy she IS truly in love with, and let yourself be free to find a women who loves you as much as you love them.
mbee Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Give it more time. I had an ex try to come back to me after 2 months, with the whole I changed bit. I didn't believe him and in the end he didn't actually change. He had taken steps to change, but he needed more time to change. I know it's rough but give her space. It sounds like you didn't give her a lot of that when you guys were together. Wait another couple of months and approach this with patience. If it's meant to be then she'll give you another shot. If you are serious about changing, then waiting another few months will be difficult but worth it.
mahon451 Posted May 29, 2013 Posted May 29, 2013 Also, dude- don't change with the intention of winning her back. If you're gonna change, do it for you- otherwise it's not gonna stick.
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