Ordinaryday Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 from a short-term relationship (been out five or so times) I have been dumped by a number of girls through a number of ways, some of the dumpings hurt a lot more than others. There is something I have seen people say a lot which I kind of disagree with, in relation to short-term relationships - I have heard people say "do it face to face, you owe them that much, don't take the cowards way out" and while I wholeheartedly agree with that for long term relationships, I don't for short ones. The few times I was dumped 'face to face' the girl obviously tried to spare my feelings and gave me a whole bunch of useless clichés like "it's not you, it's me", "I'm just not ready for a relationship right now" and "I hope we can still be friends", all of which were lies cos I found out she hooked up with another guy a week later so she obviously was ready for a relationship (but not with me) and she never contacted me again to see if we could still be friends. I hate this kind of face to face dumping, and even if they are honest it is still going to hurt you because a girl saying something like "I'm sorry, but you just don't make enough money for me to consider you, I believe I can find better" - well that would hurt like hell, so there goes the theory about how honesty is best! Honestly, I much preferred it when the girls just stopped returning my calls - it sent the clear message "I don't want to see you anymore" and because I never responded I got to keep my pride intact as they never saw me beg/plead/ask for another chance. It lets me keep my pride in tact, because when I have been dumped face to face they always sprung it out of nowhere and caught me offguard and thus I acted whiny/pleady about it, which I am embarrassed by, not least cos I did not want to give them that satisfaction. I prefer the "ignore til they get the hint" approach and when I get "rejection messages" on dating sites I always get a bit annoyed, cos just ignoring me would have sent the same message. I am sure EVERYONE here will disagree and say "face to face is better" and while I agree it is for long term relationships, I don't for short term ones. so when dumping someone you have only seen a few times, how do you typically do it? and how would you like to be dumped from a short term relationship, if you had to be?
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Well I've never been dumped out of the blue. I had a couple of short term relationships where one of us wanted to travel and the other didn't want to stick around as a result but I've never been broken up with without expecting it to end already. I would definitely want it to be face to face though I think. I prefer to rationalise things and seeing the other person to have that conversation with helps.
PogoStick Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I'd prefer to be dumped by having sex with her hot friend. "Sorry, this isn't working, but my slutty girlfriend is heading over to help you feel better..." Hmm maybe buy me a pair of awesome concert tickets so I can take a new girl out? 1
sillyanswer Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I am sure EVERYONE here will disagree and say "face to face is better" and while I agree it is for long term relationships, I don't for short term ones. so when dumping someone you have only seen a few times, how do you typically do it? and how would you like to be dumped from a short term relationship, if you had to be? If you've only seen the person a few times and it's not even a "relationship" yet (ie, just two people dating) then something that matches the usual communication style between you should be okay. That might mean just a text message or phone call. It's not even "dumping"... it's just not continuing with dating them, and having the courtesy to say so. If it's actually a relationship, rather than just having been on a few dates, then face-to-face is better, I think.
Shepp Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Well ive never really been dumped but i guess if i had to be id want her to tell me face to face and to be really honest, like: My perfect dumping - Her: Sorry Alfie but i dont want to do this anymore. Me: Why? Her: i just dont feel that way about you anymore...but i bought you this ferrari to say sorry! Me: All good! So maybe the ferrari things unrealistic but i wouldnt want her to beat around the bush, just lay it on me hard!
Treasa Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I'd prefer a fade out. Honestly, I probably wouldn't even notice until a few months later when I would idly wonder, "Huh. I wonder if dude is still alive," before going back to whatever it was that I was doing. 1
therhythm Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Face to face in a calm and civilized conversation. We then part ways and wish the best to each other...
Author Ordinaryday Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I suppose wishing the "best" for each other only applies if there are no hard feelings either way and it is truly a mutual break up, but when one is "dumped" there is nothing mutual about it.
Granin Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Depends on the situation. Recent situation I got this: Asked a girl out I got to know a fair bit. She said yes. She had 3 jobs so naturally she was quite busy. But after a couple of weeks of "being busy" but still reassuring me she was up for going out, I started to think something was off, so I asked her via text if she was up for it at all and if not she should let me know, because I was starting to get that impression. Got this back: "Hi ***** sorry! It isnt that. I get on with you and we can have a laugh but I have a boyfriend and I want to be friends but I get the impression you want more than that. I would love to have a drink as friends but I didnt want to shoot you down and you not talk to me anymore x " In that situation, she should have let me know straight away. Or does anyone disagree? I suspect the boyfriend thing is a poorly thought out excuse, but nevertheless, I think that's a pretty ****ty way to treat someone? In online dating I think ignoring is fine. But once numbers have been exchanged or you've already been out a few times, just a short, honest (not too detailed) message is best. Depending on how well you know each other, maybe a face to face conversation. Long term relationships - always face to face
Author Ordinaryday Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Yeah that whole "I have a boyfriend" thing is total BS. She knew what she was doing when she started hanging out with you and this whole "I have a boyfriend" thing is because she doesn't "feel it" for whatever reason and is trying to let you down gently. but she doesn't realise that we men have pretty strong bull**** detectors and we get more annoyed at being lied to (even if the lie is to 'soften the blow') than just being given the hard truth. that's why I said I prefer just being ignored, because it is clear the girl is not feeling it and there is no bullcrap from either of you, no fake lines like "let's just be friends" and she also doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing you beg for her back.
therhythm Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I suppose wishing the "best" for each other only applies if there are no hard feelings either way and it is truly a mutual break up, but when one is "dumped" there is nothing mutual about it. I think that having hard feelings or not the best way to end a relationship is to be civilized and even when I am going to go NC and don't want to know anything about that person anymore it is not a problem for me to wish the best in the future to someone who has shared a part of her lifetime with me, whatever the circumstances are that have lead her to break the relationship with me. Crying, screaming or insulting the other person will not be of help after a break up.
Author Ordinaryday Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Depends on the situation. In online dating I think ignoring is fine. But once numbers have been exchanged or you've already been out a few times, just a short, honest (not too detailed) message is best. Depending on how well you know each other, maybe a face to face conversation. Long term relationships - always face to face On the topic of online dating, I once got a rejection email from a girl online saying she was not "feeling it" but I seemed a nice enough guy and she wouldn't mind "being friends" with me, but no further. I did not even bother replying to that, that was so rude, especially since you can select what you are looking for on the site (dating, friend, activity partners, etc) and I ONLY selected "dating" because I wanted it to be clear that I am after a girlfriend, not a girl who IS a friend. sometimes they just want to stick the knife in.
Granin Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Yeah that whole "I have a boyfriend" thing is total BS. She knew what she was doing when she started hanging out with you and this whole "I have a boyfriend" thing is because she doesn't "feel it" for whatever reason and is trying to let you down gently. but she doesn't realise that we men have pretty strong bull**** detectors and we get more annoyed at being lied to (even if the lie is to 'soften the blow') than just being given the hard truth. that's why I said I prefer just being ignored, because it is clear the girl is not feeling it and there is no bullcrap from either of you, no fake lines like "let's just be friends" and she also doesn't get the satisfaction of seeing you beg for her back. According to FB she's single too. She's an idiot That excuse makes her look so much worse. Leading someone on when you already have a boyfriend is a lot worse than leading someone on when you're single but don't have the balls to let someone down 1
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 With kindness. Interesting. This has never been on my list. Civilised and respectful? Yes. Kind? No.
Author Ordinaryday Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I think that having hard feelings or not the best way to end a relationship is to be civilized and even when I am going to go NC and don't want to know anything about that person anymore it is not a problem for me to wish the best in the future to someone who has shared a part of her lifetime with me, whatever the circumstances are that have lead her to break the relationship with me. Crying, screaming or insulting the other person will not be of help after a break up. I agree that crying, screaming, etc is not the way to go about a break-up. but I also don't like this whole notion of having to be the "bigger person" and if a girl really hurts me and breaks my heart, I am not going to sit there with a fake smile and say "I wish you all the best for the future, you deserve it, good luck". on one date the girl texted me all day before the date, saying we needed to catch up that night. she gave me no indication that anything was wrong. we went to a restaurant and while we were there she began the whole spiel about dumping me and I just stood up and walked out on her without saying a word. never argued, never said anything, just walked out on her in the middle of being dumped. she texted me a few hours later saying she wished me all the best, she hoped one day we could be friends, blah blah blah, and I just ignored it. I am rather proud with how I handled being dumped that time.
USMCHokie Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Interesting. This has never been on my list. Civilised and respectful? Yes. Kind? No. Yea...breakups are inherently unkind...not sure why people feel so obligated to sprinkle rainbows and butterflies all over it... 1
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Yea...breakups are inherently unkind...not sure why people feel so obligated to sprinkle rainbows and butterflies all over it... Well I prefer not to feel like I'm going to throw up there and then but I don't want to be patronised either.
therhythm Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I agree that crying, screaming, etc is not the way to go about a break-up. but I also don't like this whole notion of having to be the "bigger person" and if a girl really hurts me and breaks my heart, I am not going to sit there with a fake smile and say "I wish you all the best for the future, you deserve it, good luck". on one date the girl texted me all day before the date, saying we needed to catch up that night. she gave me no indication that anything was wrong. we went to a restaurant and while we were there she began the whole spiel about dumping me and I just stood up and walked out on her without saying a word. never argued, never said anything, just walked out on her in the middle of being dumped. she texted me a few hours later saying she wished me all the best, she hoped one day we could be friends, blah blah blah, and I just ignored it. I am rather proud with how I handled being dumped that time. I think you are very young otherwise you will know that there is nothing to be proud in a break up...in any of the two sides!
amaysngrace Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 If I had to choose it would be because he found out that I found someone much more spectacular to be with. And so he dumped me...
soccerrprp Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 If very short term, phone call, text is fine. If long term, I prefer a meeting. But the best I've had thus far, is one last day dedicated to having sex, talking, dreaming about the future w/o each other...... [sigh] What a way to end it! And ending with strong feelings for each other, but things just didn't work out.... 1
GI_Joy Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I would be very impressed if my boyfriend broke up with me in song/broadway musical theater/flashmob style. That seems to be a trend on the internet nowadays. 3
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I would be very impressed if my boyfriend broke up with me in song/broadway musical theater/flashmob style. That seems to be a trend on the internet nowadays. :laugh:
everlongdrummer Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I hate the idea of just never texted again. I'd rather have them just tell me straight so I can get on with my life and stop thinking about them.
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