WanderedOff Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 A friend of mine is in this this relationship with a 23 YO male. She's 40. She swears up and down that he is her soulmate and that he is "the one" for her. The issues that they have are those typical "young games" that people do when they're in their 20's and think it's cool to make the other jealous, fight and jump out of the car, argue over stupid little things. At ANY age, their relationship doesn't sound "healthy"... but I've never been in this situation, so who am I to judge? I've never walked a day in their shoes, so maybe it is love? Anyone else been in this type of situation? Any advice I can give her? Does the age difference play a big part in this whole thing? Please let me know if you know more information as well.
bac Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 A friend of mine is in this this relationship with a 23 YO male. She's 40. She swears up and down that he is her soulmate and that he is "the one" for her. The issues that they have are those typical "young games" that people do when they're in their 20's and think it's cool to make the other jealous, fight and jump out of the car, argue over stupid little things. At ANY age, their relationship doesn't sound "healthy"... but I've never been in this situation, so who am I to judge? I've never walked a day in their shoes, so maybe it is love? Anyone else been in this type of situation? Any advice I can give her? Does the age difference play a big part in this whole thing? Please let me know if you know more information as well. They are on the same page because they are at the age when they both want just a lot of sex. Sex is super good but it is not a serious R. She is going to be very jealous of any girl in 20s. And, he is going to want to f...k any girl in 20s. But, the sex is the best sex ever.
Author WanderedOff Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 That's funny you both should say that... she has always said, "the sex is amazing"...
soccerrprp Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 That's funny you both should say that... she has always said, "the sex is amazing"... [cough cough] There are some 40-somethings that can compete....[cough cough] 2
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I don't think it's age gap as such, it's more about matching maturity levels 1
Treasa Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I just realized yesterday that I've never had sex with a guy older than 31. I think I need to change that. Most of the younger ones weren't very impressive, with a couple of exceptions.
soccerrprp Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I don't think it's age gap as such, it's more about matching maturity levels Agreed. I won't date a women beyond 10 years my junior and 5-6 years my senior. I get a little nervous about dating ladies much younger, but it no negative experiences to report, so won't change that.
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Agreed. I won't date a women beyond 10 years my junior and 5-6 years my senior. I get a little nervous about dating ladies much younger, but it no negative experiences to report, so won't change that. I don't get nervous
soccerrprp Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I don't get nervous Ahum, so, YOU don't get nervous about dating WOMEN 10-yrs younger? Okay, then.... My nervousness has nothing to do with anything but, "perspective." I kind of wonder if our views, place in the world will be compatible, that's all. Again, no issues yet.
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Ahum, so, YOU don't get nervous about dating WOMEN 10-yrs younger? Okay, then.... I meant I don't get nervous about dating much younger, my preferences for much younger men is well documented here - but I was just being facetious
soccerrprp Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I meant I don't get nervous about dating much younger, my preferences for much younger men is well documented here - but I was just being facetious What's wrong with us "older" guys?
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I'm 25. I'd date a 40 year old woman. I'd probably prefer to stay between 30-35 but it's not a big deal...
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 What's wrong with us "older" guys? Nothing. It's just a preference
MidwestUSA Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Agreed. I won't date a women beyond 10 years my junior and 5-6 years my senior. I get a little nervous about dating ladies much younger, but it no negative experiences to report, so won't change that. Is 51 out of your range, Mr. Stamina? 1
soccerrprp Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Is 51 out of your range, Mr. Stamina? No. The truth is that I have preferences like everyone else. I have two young children and I'm thinking that most women in their 40's aren't looking for someone who has young children and they're certainly not looking to raise children again. So, if a 50+ woman is willing to have a relationship with a guy who has young children, I'm all for it!
FitChick Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I agree that it's more about maturity level than calendar age, as well as the goals the couple have for the relationship. I tend to date younger men because I was a late bloomer. Men my age have been married, divorced, have kids, sometimes grandkids, have often retired early, so I can't relate to them. A few months ago I dated a guy sixteen years younger. He seemed older than some older men. Ultimately, it's none of your business what your friend does with this young guy. Tell her to use birth control because, unless she's had a hysterectomy or had her tubes tied, she can get pregnant and this guy can't afford child support. 2
melodymatters Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Anything that defies cultural norms matters and will generate great criticism from nosy on-lookers. ...And we should make huge life decisions based on what people walking by us at a mall think ? Why are YOU concerned OP, she's an adult and many age gap relationships are very healthy and happy. I'm married to a much younger man and it is the best, most supportive relationship I've ever had. The drama would be my only concern and unfortunately that has more to do with class, education, temperament and alcohol consumption. I've seen many middle aged people at bars getting into couple fights and acting like complete fools. 1
suladas Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Nothing. It's just a preference You just have good taste!
Author WanderedOff Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 A couple of you have asked why it's my business and why I'm concerned...Frankly, it's NOT my business, but when she's calling me, texting me, and boohooing about this guy...SHE'S making it my business. As a CONCERNED friend, I can't answer her questions cause I haven't been in this particular situation. So NOT being nosey...I started the thread, to try and better help her in her situation. I listen to her and try to help her putting aside the "age difference" and seeing them as a relationship, but she tells me I "don't understand" because I haven't "been there" before. Just hoping to gain a little more insight here...
Kelemvor Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I'm late 30's and my "general" rule of thumb is not to date more than 10 yrs younger. There's pro's and con's and would take up an essay length post, but I've found that I feel more like a father trying to raise an immature kid when the age distance gets really far. That being said, my most enjoyable relationship was about 8 yrs difference. She was young 20s and even though it felt like raising a kid at a time with lots of drama, it was always exciting and never boring. I hate being bored. I'd date probably 5-7 years older but probably not with the thought of long term commitment in mind. Older women are more interesting, learned, sexy in a different way, more confident in their bodies and just an entirely different experience from what I've found. Older women (+10 yrs difference) who date young guys need to give up the dream of marriage and just embrace the relationship for what it is... it makes you feel good to date a young guy. If you marry him, his libido will last far longer than yours or your looks. When you get old, and slow down in the bedroom, his eyes will wonder. So, unless you can work out some sort of agreeable albeit unorthodox arrangement, I generally don't think those relationships are stable enough to last.
todreaminblue Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 A friend of mine is in this this relationship with a 23 YO male. She's 40. She swears up and down that he is her soulmate and that he is "the one" for her. The issues that they have are those typical "young games" that people do when they're in their 20's and think it's cool to make the other jealous, fight and jump out of the car, argue over stupid little things. At ANY age, their relationship doesn't sound "healthy"... but I've never been in this situation, so who am I to judge? I've never walked a day in their shoes, so maybe it is love? Anyone else been in this type of situation? Any advice I can give her? Does the age difference play a big part in this whole thing? Please let me know if you know more information as well. i think the generation gap is something that could be hard to deal with...hard in the sense of relating.....but playing games of jealousy and push pull mentality is harmful to any relationship at any age......if this is an early relationship it doesn't bode well for longevity....i guess you can just be their for your friend and try to be neutral about the age and approach it concerning behaviors.....i have never really dated anyone younger than me always a few years older.......or when i was a teen a couple of decades older.......but more a companion/escort to an older man than anything else it wasnt sexual.....i enjoyed his conversations....his manners......his eloquence...... and his zest for life and art in general.....deb 1
FitChick Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 When you get old, and slow down in the bedroom, his eyes will wonder. I think you've got that backwards. Why do you think Viagra was invented? Women's sex drive increases after forty but that is when men start becoming impotent. So we women have to find younger men or have no sex life. 1
joystickd Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I known a 50 year old that did those "young games" and whined how men treated her. I guess something is wrong when after this long you do the same thing and results haven't changed.
Kelemvor Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 I think you've got that backwards. Why do you think Viagra was invented? Women's sex drive increases after forty but that is when men start becoming impotent. So we women have to find younger men or have no sex life. Viagra was a pleasant side effect of trying to synthesize an anti-hypertensive medication. Who wouldn't market a boner in a pill? So, men become impotent at 40 and women become sexual carnivores, huh? You've been reading too many magazines. Hey, knock yourself out chasing the young guys, just accept that fact that you're going to have to offer something very convincing as you compete with the young 25 y/o girl who is just as anxious to get in the sack with him as the 45 y/o.
FitChick Posted May 25, 2013 Posted May 25, 2013 So, men become impotent at 40 and women become sexual carnivores, huh? You've been reading too many magazines. You've been watching too much porn. I speak from experience, as do several women on here (and our friends). Don't worry, you might be able to avoid impotence if you eat healthfully and exercise regularly so you won't have to take statins and high blood pressure meds.
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