cadmy Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 My girlfriend [f21] dumped me at 1st of April. We had a very beautiful romantic story and I [m25] was ready for anything for her. I’m from Russia and she is from South Korea. We met in France in medieval castle at July 2012. We were in volunteer’s camp. We repaired this old building. We were together all the time and failed in love to each other. But we both knew this is just moment romance so we don’t take it serious. After two weeks we finished the camp. I went to the Cote D’Azur and she traveled to Paris. We texted each other every day and I decided to meet her at Paris. We spent two perfect days at Paris and she went away. She desperately begged to meet me again and I promised to meet her at winter. We called and texted each other whole the fall and our romance became hotter and hotter every day. She became an exchange student at France so we set up a meeting at Paris. We rented the apartment together. Finally we met at January. We were the one. She prayed to me in Notre-Dame de Paris to be together forever. And then she offered to engage. I doubted but I made her proposal on the Arc de Triumph. Then we celebrated this in the “Ciel de Paris” restaurant. We were so absolutely happy. But our time was up and we parted again. I came back home and she went to study to Besancon. She promised me to come to Russia at summer. We discussed our family at February. But she became to visit party very often and drunk very much. At March she became colder with me but she still said that she loves me more than everything in the world. Finally she said that she need time to think at 1st of April. And at the same week she kissed with other guy and soon she said that she loves him and ****ed with him. So now I'm terribly depressed. I don't love her anymore but I addicted of her. I know that I acted stupid to believe in feelings on distance but I wanted it so much. I want to revenge her. I'd like to know if she a real disgusting person or it's just emotions. How can I reduce my pain and would I get better if I'd revenge her. I know that "revenge is a dish best served cold". So now i have to wait and think what to do. What should I do?
pcplod Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Forget about it, or at least do your best to forget about it. It possibly won't be the last time you will find yourself in such a position, do you want to spend all your spare time plotting revenge against women who have hurt you or humiliated you? The fact is that long distance relationships are very hard to sustain. You know how big a challenge it is to find and keep a relationship with someone who lives a lot closer to you. Think about it differently. Consider how you have has a narrow escape from a relationship who would probably have made you unhappy if you had lived together for ever. Think about the next guy who has or is going to find himself supposedly living with her for ever. Move on. You have no other choice, whether you exact revenge or not. What real satisfaction will getting revenge really give you? It will all be over in an instant and then the feeling of being wronged by her will return. Do you propose to keep on taking revenge on her? Do you plan to stalk her in some way, over thousands of kilometres? At worst she is manipulative. At best she is impulsive, impetuous. You are better off right now, even if you can't realise it right now. Forget her, just forget her. 2
Author cadmy Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 How to forget her? I always think about her
pcplod Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 There is no magical way to convince yourself to forget about her. Besides, you are entitled, maybe even privileged, to remember the good times you had with her. It is rare, fortunately, to meet someone who is 100% bad, in which case you will only remember them with horror in order to want to forget them. However, you are only 6, maybe 7 weeks, from the shock and distress that you experienced. You really need more time to come to terms with it, to accept it. How do you suppose you might feel 6 months from now, twelve months from now? All you can do is to adopt methods that deflect your thoughts elsewhere. Some men prefer to get drunk, but that can become repetitive and destructive, much better to take up base-jumping or climbing public buildings freehand. Get out there with friends. If you don't have friends, make some. Occupy yourself. Even if it is with mundane things. It's those idle moments when your mind goes on idle that you will find your mind drifting by default to those things that disturb you psychologically and emotionally. Some people find meditation helps them, to focus their thoughts on the here and now, not on the past, not for that matter, on the too distant future. I apologise if any of the English words or idioms cause any confusion. Your English is much better than my non-existent Russian. 1
justwhoiam Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 You got very good advice already. She is young, but that is no real excuse for her behavior, she's very volatile. Heavy drinking and partying a lot will prevent her from being in control of herself, that means that she can sleep with just anybody. With many possible consequences. Summer is coming soon. Focus on outdoor activities. Help others, join some group where you live, for anything you might like (biking, photography, etc.). Meet new people, do new things... She will soon be a memory of the past. 2
Author cadmy Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) There is no magical way to convince yourself to forget about her. Besides, you are entitled, maybe even privileged, to remember the good times you had with her. It is rare, fortunately, to meet someone who is 100% bad, in which case you will only remember them with horror in order to want to forget them. However, you are only 6, maybe 7 weeks, from the shock and distress that you experienced. You really need more time to come to terms with it, to accept it. How do you suppose you might feel 6 months from now, twelve months from now? All you can do is to adopt methods that deflect your thoughts elsewhere. Some men prefer to get drunk, but that can become repetitive and destructive, much better to take up base-jumping or climbing public buildings freehand. Get out there with friends. If you don't have friends, make some. Occupy yourself. Even if it is with mundane things. It's those idle moments when your mind goes on idle that you will find your mind drifting by default to those things that disturb you psychologically and emotionally. Some people find meditation helps them, to focus their thoughts on the here and now, not on the past, not for that matter, on the too distant future. I apologise if any of the English words or idioms cause any confusion. Your English is much better than my non-existent Russian. Thank you so much for concerning. I know time will cure me but it's probably the most romantic story of my life. When I remember good moments I want to return her. I liked even texting with her on the distance. But actually I understand that I loved only her mask which not able to betrayed me. I don't drink to forget her but I can't find things that made me happy before. Edited May 23, 2013 by cadmy 1
AJinlove Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Thank you so much for concerning. I know time will cure me but it's probably the most romantic story of my life. When I remember good moments I want to return her. I liked even texting with her on the distance. But actually I understand that I loved only her mask which not able to betrayed me. I don't drink to forget her but I can't find things that made me happy before. You seem to have a good heart and real feelings, this is why you are so touched and hurt in your situation. I can relate to you. In the past for me what worked is the following: the key is not in forgetting, on the contrary the key is in having always present the situation and to be realistic. By being realistic I mean to face reality, and the reality is that she went with another guy whom she says she loves; and by doing so she broke your heart; the reality is that she put her actions and her pleasure, her selfishness, in front of you and in a more important place than you. It is crude but it is the reality; she doesn't love you and I think she is probably not capable of loving anybody. Just think if you want to be together with a woman that is capable of doing this to you or if you don't want. For anybody in good mental health, the answer is NO. At the end, just think you are better off without her. I am not saying it is easy, but it is what you have to do if you want to move one. On the other hand, if you can't move on, simply go back to her and beg her to take you back; then you will be her puppet and she will eventually dump you again .. and the circle starts again... Just think that if you can't move on this one; you will probably end up in another relationship just like this one in the future. A relationship is supposed to make you happy and complete your life; not be your entire life nor make your life miserable. Stand up, know yourself and look for happiness someplace else .. on a relationship or on any other thing in your life; pursue only what makes you happy and what will make you a real man. I hope it makes sense, I wrote along without really editing . 1
Forever Learning Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I am so sorry for your broken heart. Long distance relationships often don't end the way we would hope they would, the distance is a very big obstacle in some situations. Busy yourself and live life to the fullest. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, it usually is. You will meet someone wonderful if you keep an open heart and mind, and avoid becoming bitter about this. Hang in there, get busy with hobbies and friends, and learning new things. And all the best to you.
NeverADullMoment Posted May 26, 2013 Posted May 26, 2013 Awwww....my heart hurts for you. Yes, it sounds like it was a VERY romantic whirlwind relationship and I can see how you could get caught up in her. My man is Eastern European (as was another previous relationship) so I know your culture fairly well and that anger and revenge against the woman is kind of a common coping mechanism. But it won't do you any good. Really...it won't. I can't even imagine if my man were to do something like this to me right now...I'd probably want to go crazy. But time DOES heal and eventually you will think of her less and less. See what you can get out of the good memories you had with her and figure out what you can learn overall from the relationship. You sound like a good guy and I'm sure you will make the right woman very happy one day.
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