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Am I getting manipulated or am I overthinking?

Keenly

By Keenly
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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Okay so I have to go into some back story on this one. For about a month and a half I have been texting a girl that I met on a dating site. We recently started talking on the phone every night / playing diablo 3 together nightly, and I feel myself growing rather fond of having her in my life.

 

This morning I felt the need to tell her that, and that I was starting to get some feelings for her, and that was received well and reciprocated.

 

Not long after her and I started talking, a girl that I work with, 5 years my elder got my number from my co-worker friend. At first she was acting like she was interested, but what quickly became apparent is she was on the hunt for a rebound because her man had just left her, broken her heart, and she still really loved him.

 

I felt bad for her, having just gone through a breakup myself, so I just offered her comfort of he wasn't the only guy in the world, and I explained how she was being delusional thinking he would come back after leaving her for another woman etc. I listened her to whine about this and go in circles with her healing for a long, long time. A few weeks of her texting, me replying maybe once every 4 or 5 messages.

 

I told the co worker about this other girl, and how I was really excited to call her when I do, and that I was going to tell her how I felt and hope for a positive response.

 

 

As soon as co worker found out there was a girl I was chasing, the very....next....text was asking If I wanted to hook up and get naked. Made a date for saturday, and just started getting all sexual.

 

I went home after work and sat in my chair with my eyes closed, meditating if you will, which I often do. I realized that co worker figured out that she is not the center of my attention, and that I'm after a girl. Having just gone through a breakup, she demanded my attention back, and used the possibility sex as a tactic to get it.

 

She is now sending me pictures with messages like "here is a preview." Before today, I never got a single picture. Now I'm getting sexual ones.

 

 

 

Am I over thinking this, or is my intuition correct?

 

No matter what, I won't be hooking up with her as the other girl is more important to me.

Star Gazer Established Member

Star Gazer

Posted
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She's seeking validation of her worth with a younger man who's otherwise interested in someone else. She thinks if she can get your attention, steal it away from someone you really like, that means she's not a loser. She thinks she needs this.

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icedlatte Member

icedlatte

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Girls are competitive by nature. So once your co-worker found out that she isn't the "lead actress" in your life anymore, she decided to use sexuality to get your attention back to her and away from the other girl you're interested in (still hopefully). Or maybe she has a histrionic personality disorder.

 

But go with your gut feeling. Most of the time, it won't let you down.

  • Like 2
Lani Established Member

Lani

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Women...

We're a fickle bunch!

 

Like Star says, she's seeking validation from you now that she knows there is someone else. She's playing her biggest card, and basically assuring you that you'll get sex from her straight up, whereas this other girl may make you wait.

 

The question is, do you want to sleep with her?

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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Women...

We're a fickle bunch!

 

Like Star says, she's seeking validation from you now that she knows there is someone else. She's playing her biggest card, and basically assuring you that you'll get sex from her straight up, whereas this other girl may make you wait.

 

The question is, do you want to sleep with her?

 

No, I do not,

Lani Established Member

Lani

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No, I do not,

 

Ok..

So are you going out with her, or cancel? I suspect you set up the date before she got all sexty?

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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The other girl is much more important than this. She will not be getting her booty calll.

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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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I dont want to have sex with this booty call work girl.

 

 

I want to keep the girl I really like

  • Like 3
Lani Established Member

Lani

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I dont want to have sex with this booty call work girl.

 

 

I want to keep the girl I really like

 

Yeah, ok, I got it.

 

So you need to tell her that. Because the longer it goes on, the more embarrassed she'll get.

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BeholdtheMan Established Member

BeholdtheMan

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As soon as co worker found out there was a girl I was chasing, the very....next....text was asking If I wanted to hook up and get naked. Made a date for saturday, and just started getting all sexual.

 

She is now sending me pictures with messages like "here is a preview." Before today, I never got a single picture. Now I'm getting sexual ones.

Keep in mind that you're not even guaranteed sex with this co-worker. The main thing she's after is validation.

 

This might just be a tactic to divert your attention from the other girl and see whether you want to have sex with her. Once she knows you want to have sex with her, she has her validation and won't necessarily go through with the sex.

 

Honestly, your co-worker sounds semi-deranged. I'd steer clear unless she's insanely hot...and even then, I'd think twice.

  • Like 6
Lani Established Member

Lani

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I just re-read your post.

 

If you met the girl you like off of a dating site and she doesn't know the other girl, why not just hook up with the older girl and keep talking to the girl from the dating site?

 

In this case, you could have your cake and eat it too.

 

Perhaps he has a conscience?

  • Like 6
Lani Established Member

Lani

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How would talking to both of them be wrong?

 

The older girl wants to just hook up so he's not lying to her.

 

He's not committed to the girl on the dating site yet. So he's not lying to her either.

 

I don't see the problem with this suggestion.

 

I was referring more to the fact that he doesn't want to sleep with her.

Boning someone just because it's on offer isn't really high on the 'good guy' scale.

  • Like 1
Lani Established Member

Lani

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I don't see how having sex with someone that's offering it, without any manipulation, would make someone not a good guy.

 

It's neutral. It wouldn't make him good or bad.

 

I think you should at least want to have sex with someone before you do.

Forgive me if that seems crazy.

  • Like 1
BeholdtheMan Established Member

BeholdtheMan

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I don't see the problem with this suggestion.
I don't think it's an issue of conscience

 

...more like this woman could be a complete psycho who might not even be attractive to OP. If OP thinks he has good chances with internet girl, maybe he should focus his energy on her.

  • Like 1
Lani Established Member

Lani

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He's obviously considering it (otherwise, he wouldn't be sexting with her and making posts on here about it).

 

So it seems that he may, in fact, want to.

 

Fair point.

 

He doesn't say that he is sexting her back, but I guess it's safe to assume that's why she continues to do it.

 

So if he does, in fact, want to, then that is fine.

ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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OP - your analysis sounds about right.

 

I have no way of knowing this but I'll just assume you're a moral person who wants what's best in the long term. In that case, stop risking a potentially good relationship with the first girl by toying around with another girl who you have already realized is just on the rebound.

 

I can just imagine the LS thread the first girl create:

 

"Just found out my BF's coworker was sexting him - should I end it?"

 

And at least 80% of the people will tell her to end it.

ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

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If she wrote that, then she would be guilty of dishonesty, since they're not exclusive yet.

 

Never said they were. Was talking about a hypothetical future for the relationship which might actually have a future, vs. the one with the rebounder who is taking off her clothes to feel validated. If you can't see why a guy should value the first enough to not mess around with the 2nd, you're not the type of moral guy I'm addressing, and you can happily bone whatever female orifice presents itself to you. My advice isn't meant for you.

BluEyeL Established Member

BluEyeL

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He hasn't even met the internet girl. It's a fantasy relationship at this point. Why communicate for 1.5 months and not meet? Idk if he should sleep with the office woman, but I wouldn't see it as endangering anyting.

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Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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To answer your question, you're being manipulated.

serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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I'd worry that taking the office girl up on her offer would lead to a sort of black hole of neediness. Yes, I think she wants to use you to make herself feel better, and there's no reason that would just stop whenever you want it to, OP. And since you work with her, that could get extremely messy and interfere with your work life. Shudder.

 

IMO, you're wise to stay well out of it and focus on this developing relationship that you're excited about. No need to add complications just 'cause.

Treasa Established Member

Treasa

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He's obviously considering it (otherwise, he wouldn't be sexting with her and making posts on here about it).

 

So it seems that he may, in fact, want to.

 

I don't see the part where he's sexting his coworker.

GI_Joy Established Member

GI_Joy

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I personally think sleeping with the psycho is a bad idea. Sure she may be a good lay but what if she tries to use the fact that they had sex as another tool for manipulation? Sounds like a bad soap opera waiting to happen. Doesn't sound like it'll end with one night stand with that chick.

  • Like 4
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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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To clarify a few things, she is the one Sexting me. I haven't responded to any texts that are sexual in nature, or pictures either. Co worker is not ugly, not by a long shot . She would potentially be the hottest girl I've ever had sex with, but I don't want to be some ones rebound.

 

My "fantasy relationship" is being worked out , we have plans to get her an Amtrak ticket to come spend a weekend at my place, its just a matter of getting days off at the same time . (I'm in Sacramento, she is in San Francisco)

 

I'm not sure if its moral or not , but I'm not really a "just have sex with her" kind of guy. I'd prefer more than that, and its not something I want to even risk a chance of blowing up in my face.

 

From what I can tell, she probably is psycho (co worker) and I don't really want to mix work up with my sexual exploits.

  • Like 3
Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
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To clarify a few things, she is the one Sexting me. I haven't responded to any texts that are sexual in nature, or pictures either. Co worker is not ugly, not by a long shot . She would potentially be the hottest girl I've ever had sex with, but I don't want to be some ones rebound.

 

My "fantasy relationship" is being worked out , we have plans to get her an Amtrak ticket to come spend a weekend at my place, its just a matter of getting days off at the same time . (I'm in Sacramento, she is in San Francisco)

 

I'm not sure if its moral or not , but I'm not really a "just have sex with her" kind of guy. I'd prefer more than that, and its not something I want to even risk a chance of blowing up in my face.

 

From what I can tell, she probably is psycho (co worker) and I don't really want to mix work up with my sexual exploits.

 

That almost guarantee's that she's crazier than the others. (If no other reason than prettier women are used to getting away with more. Unless raised just right, they can develop really nasty issues. Yet avoid getting treatment.)

 

 

Have you never heard of the Crazy-Hot scale? It's a scientific fact.

Hot Crazy Scale - YouTube

 

 

 

Seriously though.

 

 

I can see where Tom Tucker and others are coming from. The OP isn't committed to the internet girl. In fact for all we know the internet girl may be a guy pretending to be a girl as in the case of that one football player here in the USA. Internet girl is a fantasy of electrons at this point.

 

 

The coworker is likely to have issues, it is very likely she is manipulating him on some level. It is also possible that on some level she really does like him at least sexually. Plenty of men never get the kind of offer the OP has gotten.

 

 

 

 

TL;DR: The hot office woman is likely to be crazier than normal. However she is someone who is real. You have seen her in real life and outside a dating context. You already know 10000000 X more about her than about internet girl. My advice is see what office girl is offering. Keep talking to internet girl, make no promises and tell no lies (but do not volunteer the information). See which one of them pans out.

Edited by Mrlonelyone
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Keenly Established Member

Keenly

Posted
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That almost guarantee's that she's crazier than the others. (If no other reason than prettier women are used to getting away with more. Unless raised just right, they can develop really nasty issues. Yet avoid getting treatment.)

 

 

Have you never heard of the Crazy-Hot scale? It's a scientific fact.

Hot Crazy Scale - YouTube

 

 

 

Seriously though.

 

 

I can see where Tom Tucker and others are coming from. The OP isn't committed to the internet girl. In fact for all we know the internet girl may be a guy pretending to be a girl as in the case of that one football player here in the USA. Internet girl is a fantasy of electrons at this point.

 

 

The coworker is likely to have issues, it is very likely she is manipulating him on some level. It is also possible that on some level she really does like him at least sexually. Plenty of men never get the kind of offer the OP has gotten.

 

 

 

 

TL;DR: The hot office woman is likely to be crazier than normal. However she is someone who is real. You have seen her in real life and outside a dating context. You already know 10000000 X more about her than about internet girl. My advice is see what office girl is offering. Keep talking to internet girl, make no promises and tell no lies (but do not volunteer the information). See which one of them pans out.

 

 

I already know what office girl is offering.

 

She wants my attention, in exchange for what she is probably going to come up with a lame excuse to bail on. If she doesn't, then I am still a rebound and if her ex come back into the picture I am yesterdays garbage. She is not interested in me, she just wants a D inside of her so she feels wanted because her ex obviously doesn't want to.

 

 

If my OLD girl is a guy, he has the sexiest voice I have ever heard. As well as an endless supply of pictures of the same girl. So I'm pretty sure she is real.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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