soret Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I was wondering if anyone could give me a little advice on my current situation? I'm pretty sure I scared off a guy recently. We've been seeing each other for a couple of months now. We text close to everyday for a couple of hours and see each other once every couple of weeks due to my busy work schedule. He always initiates texting and on the odd occasion I would as well. When we see each other he insists on picking me up and he pays for the evening but I will offer to pay before the bill comes. After getting to know him over the past couple of months I’ve noted that he doesn't rush into things which I like but he also has the tendency to cancel our plans which is understandable depending on the situation, some of which were grandfather had a heart attack, he had to work etc. I don't mind if someone has to cancel plans on things but when it becomes a regular thing then I get a little irritated. I expressed my irritation to him and he apologized to me and told me he really does not enjoy having to cancel on people and that he would make it up to me by taking me out for a really nice dinner, which he did and we had a really good time. He told me that he liked me and that he really enjoys seeing me. Then he started talking about not taking overtime shifts at his work so that he could see me more often and I told him it wasn't necessary if he needed the hours but he insisted that he would rather see me. Then he cancelled plans on me again because his car broke down and he told me "he might not be able to see me". A couple of hours passed and he got his car running but he never told me if he was coming or not so of course I got ready thinking he might show up. I got quite mad and told him that I was upset that the cancellations were happening again and long story short I told him that it might be a sign. He asked me if I really felt that way and I told him that I sometimes got that feeling. I told him to have a good weekend and I didn't speak to him for a few days because I needed to take a step back and think about everything. I came to the conclusion that I’m a very demanding person and I get my hopes way up when in reality it isn't that big of a deal. Plans can be rescheduled. However, I think I have given him the impression that I'm not understanding. I sent him an apology text for what I did and he told me that I didn't need to apologize and that it was just as much as his fault. I asked him if he still wanted to see me and he said yes and that we will try again next week. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. Should I back off for a while? He hasn't texted me as much and I think he needs his space. I don't want to initiate texting in case he thinks I'm too clingy.
c57dood Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I was wondering if anyone could give me a little advice on my current situation? I'm pretty sure I scared off a guy recently. We've been seeing each other for a couple of months now. We text close to everyday for a couple of hours and see each other once every couple of weeks due to my busy work schedule. He always initiates texting and on the odd occasion I would as well. When we see each other he insists on picking me up and he pays for the evening but I will offer to pay before the bill comes. After getting to know him over the past couple of months I’ve noted that he doesn't rush into things which I like but he also has the tendency to cancel our plans which is understandable depending on the situation, some of which were grandfather had a heart attack, he had to work etc. I don't mind if someone has to cancel plans on things but when it becomes a regular thing then I get a little irritated. I expressed my irritation to him and he apologized to me and told me he really does not enjoy having to cancel on people and that he would make it up to me by taking me out for a really nice dinner, which he did and we had a really good time. He told me that he liked me and that he really enjoys seeing me. Then he started talking about not taking overtime shifts at his work so that he could see me more often and I told him it wasn't necessary if he needed the hours but he insisted that he would rather see me. Then he cancelled plans on me again because his car broke down and he told me "he might not be able to see me". A couple of hours passed and he got his car running but he never told me if he was coming or not so of course I got ready thinking he might show up. I got quite mad and told him that I was upset that the cancellations were happening again and long story short I told him that it might be a sign. He asked me if I really felt that way and I told him that I sometimes got that feeling. I told him to have a good weekend and I didn't speak to him for a few days because I needed to take a step back and think about everything. I came to the conclusion that I’m a very demanding person and I get my hopes way up when in reality it isn't that big of a deal. Plans can be rescheduled. However, I think I have given him the impression that I'm not understanding. I sent him an apology text for what I did and he told me that I didn't need to apologize and that it was just as much as his fault. I asked him if he still wanted to see me and he said yes and that we will try again next week. I'm not really sure what to do at this point. Should I back off for a while? He hasn't texted me as much and I think he needs his space. I don't want to initiate texting in case he thinks I'm too clingy. Back off. You have the signs of a stage 5 clinger. Nothing will scare guys away quicker. If he's really into you, he'll contact you to make up for the cancellations.
c57dood Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 He's cancelling way too much and you blame her? This clinger stuff is nonsense unless it's too extreme. I'm not blaming her, but usually when a guy is making tons of different excuses on why he has to bail it's not a good sign. It's when she's still texting or calling after all these cancellations that signals clinging.
Author soret Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I know I'm a little clingy but I don't think I'm that bad. I'm just frustrated because I feel like I'm being mistreated and I will call someone out on it. I think I will just move on with my life. If he wants to see me then he has to get in contact with me, not the other way around. 1
CC12 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I came to the conclusion that I’m a very demanding person It's not demanding to get frustrated when plans are regularly broken. Of course sometimes there are valid reasons to break plans, like family illness, work, etc. Even his car breaking down was a valid reason. But he left you waiting instead of actually cancelling the plans. And he fixed his car in time to still see you that night, so I'm not sure why you felt the need to apologize for getting upset with him. Be careful not to be a doormat. I think the ball is in his court. He made some loose plans with you for next week, so leave it up to him to follow through. Edit: Oops. Should have refreshed the page before I posted. I see you've pretty much made up your mind. Good luck! 1
Vinegar Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I definitely think it is not a great sign. The fact that he never contacted you after his car broke down is inconsiderate. he sounds like a nice guy though but make sure to pay attention to his behavior not the fact that he says he's going to make it up to you afterwards. I would hold off and wait for him to contact you. I was supposed to meet a guy for the first time and he was still sleeping an hour before we were supposed to meet. I thought there might be a good reason so I went out with him on another day. He turned out to be a jerk. I'm just saying... 1
Imajerk17 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I personally feel that expecting someone to keep plans with the exception of an emergency is actually pretty reasonable on your part. You were understanding of him having to cancel when there were some real emergencies. That was cool of you. He seems to have pushed the boundaries though. That was not cool of him. Anyway, it's not just not getting to see your SO that pisses you off, it's the disrespect. For one thing you set aside time to see him. For another your SO didn't respect your time. And for a third, it is clear that he isn't seeing you as a priority. If this all leads to a breakup, so be it. This doesn't sound like a great relationship anyway. 2
thatone Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I definitely think it is not a great sign. The fact that he never contacted you after his car broke down is inconsiderate. he sounds like a nice guy though but make sure to pay attention to his behavior not the fact that he says he's going to make it up to you afterwards. I would hold off and wait for him to contact you. I was supposed to meet a guy for the first time and he was still sleeping an hour before we were supposed to meet. I thought there might be a good reason so I went out with him on another day. He turned out to be a jerk. I'm just saying... You do realize that a man can shower, shave, be dressed and gone in about 10-15 minutes?
Author soret Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 I definitely think it is not a great sign. The fact that he never contacted you after his car broke down is inconsiderate. he sounds like a nice guy though but make sure to pay attention to his behavior not the fact that he says he's going to make it up to you afterwards. I would hold off and wait for him to contact you. I was supposed to meet a guy for the first time and he was still sleeping an hour before we were supposed to meet. I thought there might be a good reason so I went out with him on another day. He turned out to be a jerk. I'm just saying... It wasn't like he didn't contact me, he was texting me as he was trying to figure out the problem with his car and then after when he finally fixed it. It was 8pm at night and I knew he had to work the next day but I would have appriciated it if he would have just said "hey, I wont be able to see you tonight because it's late but we can do something on 'so and so date' instead". I mean it's only considerate and he can't expect me to assume that he isn't coming. I know hes a decent guy but of course guys can be a little clueless at times and can only think of one thing at a time.
Author soret Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 I personally feel that expecting someone to keep plans with the exception of an emergency is actually pretty reasonable on your part. You were understanding of him having to cancel when there were some real emergencies. That was cool of you. He seems to have pushed the boundaries though. That was not cool of him. Anyway, it's not just not getting to see your SO that pisses you off, it's the disrespect. For one thing you set aside time to see him. For another your SO didn't respect your time. And for a third, it is clear that he isn't seeing you as a priority. If this all leads to a breakup, so be it. This doesn't sound like a great relationship anyway. I think if we meet up again I'm going to have a serious talk with him and find out what he wants out of whatever we are because I'm confused. I don't want to waste my time with someone who isn't looking for something in the future. He's asked me a couple of times to meet his parents and then talks about me metting his friends but his actions speak otherwise. If he doesn't contact me by next week like he said he was I guess I'll just give up or text him first to see what's going on.
crederer Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Stuff happens. I've had similar things happen to me sometimes you get into a rut when bad things happen all in a row. Maybe this is what is happening to him. Luckily my girlfriend at the time (I think we were together exclusively for like 2 weeks at the time) was understanding.
Author soret Posted May 27, 2013 Author Posted May 27, 2013 Stuff happens. I've had similar things happen to me sometimes you get into a rut when bad things happen all in a row. Maybe this is what is happening to him. Luckily my girlfriend at the time (I think we were together exclusively for like 2 weeks at the time) was understanding. I think maybe you are right. I decided to send him a text yesterday afternoon and we talked for quite a few hours. He seemed happy to hear from me. I eventually asked him why he had vanished on me for a few days and he told me work was really stressing him out (his boss is a very moody person). So I told him that if he needed to talk to someone I'd be around, he thanked me and told me that he appreciated it a lot. I guess maybe he's in a rut and doesn't want to talk about it and would much rather deal with it alone. So I decided today to delete his number so I no longer get the urge to push my way into his life.
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