Fiancee attracted to another guy???

[leafguy]

Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

I have a situation that I could use some outside help on as I don't have much of an idea of how to handle it. I've been with my fiancee for 4.5 years (engaged for about a year now). I am 27 and she is 25. For the most part things have been good, with some small ups and downs, but nothing major until lately...within the last couple months..since about January.

 

Anyways, here is the situation...We went on a trip to St Lucia in january, which went well, however she had been emailing a guy from work with picture updates and would do so in front of me...so no biggy. It will all play out later.

 

Fast forward a couple weeks, and the first red flag comes up. I am cooking dinner for the two of us and shes using my laptop for surfing, checking email and what not. As I am coming around the computer, she is blatantly hiding an email to this guy (he has only been there a few weeks so I don't know him). She has never really hid anything (that I know of) before this, so I asked her and she says it was nothing. I believed her because out anniversary and my bday are both coming up and thought maybe she was making plans or asking an opinion.

 

Anniversary comes, I get her a card, and her favourite flowers with dinner.

I don't get anything in return and she gets mad saying we agreed that we wouldnt do anything (flat out lie). The same night, I catch her emailing the same guy again and before she could delete and close it out, it was complaining that she didn't like the card and was mad at me for getting her something.

 

Birthday comes, again I don't even receive a card. At this point I ask her why and she says the same thing. I don't want to sound greedy but I at least expect a card. A few nights later I catch her again and simply call her out and ask what the hell is going on and get a "nothing, he is just a work friend."

 

We end off on a sour note and she leaves an email open with the guy saying he wants her. I ignored the urge to spy (I later break this rule) and close out the email and ask her to explain. She says its nothing and she will deal with it Monday at work.

 

Now in the two months since then the emails between them are flying. My contact with her while she is working has all but died to the point I usually dont hear from her during the work day (which is fine if it had always been that way).

 

I share a laptop with my younger bro and her and I have had tracking on for sites visited and when they were accessed. He is younger and is just getting to that age where certain sites may appeal to him, so upon checking it out for the first time in a few months, it turns out she was accessing the email while I would be away from her during the evening (ie I would go upstairs and make a tea or a snack, she would fire him an email).

And some nights, it would be several times.

 

I called her out on it and she basically blew it off saying he is just a friend. I caved and crossed the ethical boundary of checking up on her emails. Long story short, this guy is saying he wants her at least once or twice a day, to which she simply responds with a smiley face, or some other comment that doesnt say Im taken and has even responded by asking him how he exactly he felt about her. Also the emails have been rather flirty alot of the time, and she is confiding in him with issues she hasnt even mentioned to me, and finally there have been emails complaining about me and her asking him if he is like that.

 

So this is where my dilemma has come into play. I broke the ethical boundary of spying, which I know some people will automatically accuse me of being on the same level, which is fine...I know I am also in the wrong, but was I justified to do so? How exactly do I approach the situation...and what do her actions mean? Is she just liking the attention, is she generally interested/attracted to this guy? Is she bored / unhappy with me?

 

I feel like Im being sort of walked on, disrespected and taken advantage of with regards to this, and that the emails aren't necessarily cheating, but they are falling into a very shady area that I think is blatantly crossing the line of what is acceptable. I also tend to believe that since I have spied, my trust is already waning, and that I was justified to do so (even if some consider it wrong), given the events that have happened, but how do I handle this?

 

Any advice is appreciated. Thx

Edited May 23, 2013 by leafguy

[will1988]

I would confront her about the emails and the constant contact. Put your foot down. Tell her that if she does not cut all contact with him that you are taking your ring back and leaving. That is what I would do if I were in your shoes, and I pray to god that I'm not.

[tman666]

Yes, she is obviously attracted to him, or at the very least, likes the attention. Their interactions are wildly inappropriate in the context of a wedding engagement. I would honestly not be surprised if they've already moved on to physical interactions.

 

The facts that 1) she seems insistent on hiding their communication and 2) she gets mad at you when you ask valid questions and 3) you have verification that she has been complaining about you to this other guy indicate to me that she is probably, at the very least, emotionally caught up with this guy.

 

Part of me says that you need to confront her and put your foot down. This could backfire in a big way though, since she might have a seemingly legitimate excuse for everything, turn it around on you (now it's YOUR fault that she's been flirting with this guy behind your back ), and only go to greater lengths in the future to hide her relationship with this guy.

 

If it were me, I think I would lay low and basically play dumb. Continue collecting evidence, quietly, and let her do what she's going to do. Observe and record. She will show you a lot more about herself as a person and as a future wife from doing this than she will from you trying to "take control" of the situation.

 

Be prepared to call the wedding off. I don't know if you have much money down on it already or if there is a near date in sight, but whatever you do, DO NOT MARRY HER until this has been completely resolved.

[therhythm]

Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

I have a situation that I could use some outside help on as I don't have much of an idea of how to handle it. I've been with my fiancee for 4.5 years (engaged for about a year now). I am 27 and she is 25. For the most part things have been good, with some small ups and downs, but nothing major until lately...within the last couple months..since about January.

 

Anyways, here is the situation...We went on a trip to St Lucia in january, which went well, however she had been emailing a guy from work with picture updates and would do so in front of me...so no biggy. It will all play out later.

 

Fast forward a couple weeks, and the first red flag comes up. I am cooking dinner for the two of us and shes using my laptop for surfing, checking email and what not. As I am coming around the computer, she is blatantly hiding an email to this guy (he has only been there a few weeks so I don't know him). She has never really hid anything (that I know of) before this, so I asked her and she says it was nothing. I believed her because out anniversary and my bday are both coming up and thought maybe she was making plans or asking an opinion.

 

Anniversary comes, I get her a card, and her favourite flowers with dinner.

I don't get anything in return and she gets mad saying we agreed that we wouldnt do anything (flat out lie). The same night, I catch her emailing the same guy again and before she could delete and close it out, it was complaining that she didn't like the card and was mad at me for getting her something.

 

Birthday comes, again I don't even receive a card. At this point I ask her why and she says the same thing. I don't want to sound greedy but I at least expect a card. A few nights later I catch her again and simply call her out and ask what the hell is going on and get a "nothing, he is just a work friend."

 

We end off on a sour note and she leaves an email open with the guy saying he wants her. I ignored the urge to spy (I later break this rule) and close out the email and ask her to explain. She says its nothing and she will deal with it Monday at work.

 

Now in the two months since then the emails between them are flying. My contact with her while she is working has all but died to the point I usually dont hear from her during the work day (which is fine if it had always been that way).

 

I share a laptop with my younger bro and her and I have had tracking on for sites visited and when they were accessed. He is younger and is just getting to that age where certain sites may appeal to him, so upon checking it out for the first time in a few months, it turns out she was accessing the email while I would be away from her during the evening (ie I would go upstairs and make a tea or a snack, she would fire him an email).

And some nights, it would be several times.

 

I called her out on it and she basically blew it off saying he is just a friend. I caved and crossed the ethical boundary of checking up on her emails. Long story short, this guy is saying he wants her at least once or twice a day, to which she simply responds with a smiley face, or some other comment that doesnt say Im taken and has even responded by asking him how he exactly he felt about her. Also the emails have been rather flirty alot of the time, and she is confiding in him with issues she hasnt even mentioned to me, and finally there have been emails complaining about me and her asking him if he is like that.

 

So this is where my dilemma has come into play. I broke the ethical boundary of spying, which I know some people will automatically accuse me of being on the same level, which is fine...I know I am also in the wrong, but was I justified to do so? How exactly do I approach the situation...and what do her actions mean? Is she just liking the attention, is she generally interested/attracted to this guy? Is she bored / unhappy with me?

 

I feel like Im being sort of walked on, disrespected and taken advantage of with regards to this, and that the emails aren't necessarily cheating, but they are falling into a very shady area that I think is blatantly crossing the line of what is acceptable. I also tend to believe that since I have spied, my trust is already waning, and that I was justified to do so (even if some consider it wrong), given the events that have happened, but how do I handle this?

 

Any advice is appreciated. Thx

 

She gave you with her behavior enough justification for you wanting to check her email and actually you were not wrong.

I know this is not going to be what you want to hear but you should talk very seriously with your girlfriend and tell her she needs to quit that job and stop immediately any contact with that guy if she wants to salvage your relationship. If she is not willing to do that sacrifices for you she is not worth it anyway and you dodged a bullet by not marrying her.

 

Good luck with whatever you decide to do but if you don't act on this situation right now it will blow up in your own face in the short term, she is not only attracted by this co-worker but she is actively hiding from you to contact him which make it a deceiving act!

[Calvin's wagon]

Hi!

 

First of all, hello to this site, I wish it were in better circumstances, like asking for suggestion for baby names:)

 

I'm not very experienced and perhaps my opinion is too skewed by what has happened to me, so take my words with a grain of salt. I wouldn't want to give you bad advice, be overly pessimistic. Only you know yourself, her and your relationship, and can make the best decision for yourself. Also, I encourage you to confide in your family&friends for their advice, because they can probably give you better advice than we can, since they now you and your situation.

 

But for what it's worth:

 

1.) From what I gathered from your post is that your fiance:

- lied to you for a long time (even after being give multiple opportunities to explain the situation),

- actively hid many things from you,

- flirted with another man for a long time,

- she has started becoming more and more unreasonably disrespectful to you, annoyed at you, defensive etc.

- she has starting looking at him as a possible replacement for you (complaining about you to him, asking him if he's like that, asking him what he thinks of her etc.) for if/when she leaves you

- she has built an intimate space with him (telling him things she never told you etc.), and (in my definition) started an (emotional at the very least) affair with him,

- and many many other things (which I'd rather not write now, in case it's not productive for you to hear)

 

2.) In my experience, it usually takes a long long time for a person to change, address his/her issues, change his thinking and behavioural patterns, so I'm not sure how long it would take for her to honestly and truly see the magnitude of not only her betrayal, but of her issues that drove her to do this, and how long it would take her to actually resolve her issues.

 

And that's not even considering the possibility that she's doing all this because she simply feels the need to explore and meet new men, that she feels that she's too young to get settled down, wants to enjoy the single life. Perhaps it's the "GIGS" that some people refer to. Perhaps she's growing up (people change a lot when they're in their twenties) and she doesn't feel compatible with you. I don't know.

 

3.) In any case, I'd feel extremely betrayed by her actions, disrespected and distrustful towards her. I definitely couldn't imagine myself standing at the aisle truly happy marrying her, at least for a long long time and until both of you have seriously worked on this and other problems (individual and relationship)...

 

So if both you want to salvage this relationship, I think going to couples' therapy is going to be vital and essential! Also, I think both of you could benefit a lot from individual counselling (if you can afford it) and in general work on yourself (books etc.).

 

I tried to rebuild my trust towards my cheating ex (granted, she cheating on me a month after we started, i found out two months later) for a year and a half, and I couldn't. I wish I had walked away sooner... I never really trusted her ever again, and it was horrible to imagine going through life not knowing if everything she says, does, ... , is a big horrible lie...

 

You found out not because she was truly remorseful or sorry, or suddenly turned honest and truthful, but because you yourself found out.

 

And if/when you confront her, how will you know if what she eventually "confesses" will actually be true, and not just trickle truth, damage limitation? Once someone has lied and concealed something like this, it's (imo) unimaginably hard to ever trust them again...

 

4.) I wouldn't worry or feel guilty about you "invading" her privacy. Quite the opposite, I think you were doing one of the few things possible to protect yourself from the harm she was causing you (imagine if perhaps you'd find out she was having unprotected sex with him, possibly exposing you to STDs - in that case, violation of privacy would have perhaps saved you from STDs).

 

For example, any betrayed spouse who has ever put a private investigator has in a way "violated" the privacy of the cheating spouse by having him/her followed 24/7. Ok, I'll stop now, but if you'll still feel guilty about this, please let us know, so we can reassure you on this.

 

5.) So my "neutral" advice to you is:

1a. talk to your friends and family about this

1b. think about forwarding/printing the emails etc., just in case,

2. act upon what you've decided after getting advice from your friends and family (perhaps take a few days off to go somewhere with your buddies to think for a while)

3. confront her - try to remain as mature and as composed as possible while in her presence

4. if you want to work it out with her, insist either she or him get a new job, and cease all contact, get both of you to couples' counselling, and both of you (but especially her) to individual counselling; don't fall for false remorse, false apologies, any kind of emotional manipulation - if it's easier for you, have your best friend/sibling... present when you confront her-

5. while trying to reconcile, try to not get her pregnant, and use condoms (for stds) while having sex with her, if/when you decide to try again to have sex with her

6. immediately/eventually (perhaps after 4-6 weeks after sleeping with her for the last time) get tested for STDs

7. Bear in mind that if it gets too hard for you, if she doesn't do her best to reconcile, etc., that you have the right and duty (to yourself) to protect yourself and walk away from her, no matter how many wedding arrangements have been made/postopend, no matter what she or anyone else will think of it/you, ...

 

You must first and foremost think about yourself and your well being! Don't forget that!

 

6.) My consciously non-neutral opinion, coloured by my experience and unfiltered:

 

Break up with her. You're very young, you don't have kids. Don't let yourself lose any more of your precious life on spending it with someone who has betrayed you so badly, working so hard on mending the relationship, rebuilding trust (some people here say that it takes 2-5 years to recover from infidelity... I don't know if it's true, but in my experience, I'd say it definitely takes more than 1.5 years), wondering about what else she's lying about, what has she been doing and if/when she'll betray you again/worse,...

 

Try to first learn how to be happy by yourself, to learn to become wiser and happier because of this experience, and eventually you'll find someone with whom you'll be able to spend the rest of your life without such doubts, hurt, images in your head, lies,...

 

///

 

I hope I haven't given you unintentionally bad advice, and that perhaps somehow, someway you will find true happiness with her if you decide to stay. In any case, I truly truly truly wish you all the best, that whatever happens, that you will eventually come out of this a happier person!

 

Best wishes, and hope to hear from you soon!

[SuperGeek]

Yikes! Please don't take my advice for this post, it's just how I feel.

 

There is no way in hell I'd get married to a girl doing this kind of stuff behind my back. A fiancee who truly wants to get married and be exclusive don't email other guys late at night and HIDE it. People having opposite sex friends is not a big deal if there is nothing going on. The fact that she hid it, denied anything was going on (lying about it), and really not trying to squash your uncomfort feeling says a lot about where she is. There is an element of deception here and that is the worst part about all of it.

 

Having gone through a divorce three years ago, there is no way in hell I'd go through with the marriage at this point. No way in hell. She is not fully committed. She is putting herself into situations that can manifest an affair. She didn't CARE enough about YOU to squash this communication with the coworker. This is a HUGE RED FLAG before getting married.

 

You need to have a serious talk with her. Figure out exactly where she is in her head about getting married. My guess is that she isn't completely ready for it. Be absolutely sure you can trust her or you will be getting destroyed in court several years from now.

 

There is a nice quote I'll leave you with and good luck (please remember I'm a biter divorced man):

 

"It is easier to get into something than to get out of it."

--Rumsfeld

Edited May 23, 2013 by SuperGeek

[MomsSpaghetti]

Wow. That was painful to read. I had to stop halfway through and take a walk around the house before having the stomach to read the rest.

 

My advice: Pink Floyd - The Wall - Run Like Hell - YouTube.

[leafguy]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

 

Seems to be quite an agreement that I should be getting the hell out.

I am going to heed the advice of taking some time for myself this weekend to clear my head at the cottage for a day or two.

 

Everything has happened so fast that I don't know if I am coming or going.

Fortunately, nothing has been invested as far as a wedding stand point, however we have been in the middle of a house hunt for a couple months...thankfully nothing bought yet.

 

Obviously with these developments, that is all off the table at this point and I can reasonably conclude the ring will be coming off the finger.

 

As far as the cheating goes...I have no proof of it being physical, but emotionally, Id argue that its in the process of happening, if it hasnt happened already. I emailed one of her coworkers and there has been a fair bit of time spent together there as well as far as lunches, breaks and general department time even though they are in completely opposite ends of the plant.

 

The only realistic thing would be to make her quit her job as far as getting things right in that aspect, but for right now, quitting outright isn't feasible financially, it could take some time and Im still out to dry as far as that goes.

 

 

Tman66, thats what I have been kind of doing, but the issue is, I have been absolutely miserable with just about everything trying to collect evidence with regards to her daily emails. I can't look at her without wanting to put her through a wall, it has been affecting my work and my relationships with friends. I don't know how much more I can gather and still put on the fake smile and pretend Im ok around her.

 

As far as counseling goes, Im not sure I want to even go that route as I believe that if someone lets this happen once, they will let it happen again...you know the once a cheater, always a cheater sort of thing. I gave up my female friends (as far as hanging out with them) and usually just talk to them once in a while out of respect for her and the relationship.

 

I guess that after writing all of this, on paper I should have my answer and logically that is to kick her to the curb for the pain, disrespect and utter betrayal of trust that I have received. Easier said than done.

 

For right now, I am for sure taking some time to see how she will react without me for a little while. I know its going to bug me like hell not to see her, but I will have support not to cave.

 

I appreciate everyone's responses and will keep you updated.

[tman666]

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

 

Seems to be quite an agreement that I should be getting the hell out.

I am going to heed the advice of taking some time for myself this weekend to clear my head at the cottage for a day or two.

 

Everything has happened so fast that I don't know if I am coming or going.

Fortunately, nothing has been invested as far as a wedding stand point, however we have been in the middle of a house hunt for a couple months...thankfully nothing bought yet.

 

Obviously with these developments, that is all off the table at this point and I can reasonably conclude the ring will be coming off the finger.

 

As far as the cheating goes...I have no proof of it being physical, but emotionally, Id argue that its in the process of happening, if it hasnt happened already. I emailed one of her coworkers and there has been a fair bit of time spent together there as well as far as lunches, breaks and general department time even though they are in completely opposite ends of the plant.

 

The only realistic thing would be to make her quit her job as far as getting things right in that aspect, but for right now, quitting outright isn't feasible financially, it could take some time and Im still out to dry as far as that goes.

 

 

Tman66, thats what I have been kind of doing, but the issue is, I have been absolutely miserable with just about everything trying to collect evidence with regards to her daily emails. I can't look at her without wanting to put her through a wall, it has been affecting my work and my relationships with friends. I don't know how much more I can gather and still put on the fake smile and pretend Im ok around her.

 

As far as counseling goes, Im not sure I want to even go that route as I believe that if someone lets this happen once, they will let it happen again...you know the once a cheater, always a cheater sort of thing. I gave up my female friends (as far as hanging out with them) and usually just talk to them once in a while out of respect for her and the relationship.

 

I guess that after writing all of this, on paper I should have my answer and logically that is to kick her to the curb for the pain, disrespect and utter betrayal of trust that I have received. Easier said than done.

 

For right now, I am for sure taking some time to see how she will react without me for a little while. I know its going to bug me like hell not to see her, but I will have support not to cave.

 

I appreciate everyone's responses and will keep you updated.

 

I hear you man. That said, keep in mind that the pain it causes you getting this sorted out now will be NOTHING compared to the potential pain caused for you (and her, any future kids, etc.) if you ignore this, only to have it blow up in your face when married.

[SuperGeek]

I really feel for you. I really do.

 

A few things. Make sure you secure your finances and take precautions to safe guard your financial stability just in case she tries to clean out accounts, etc. I know it is a remote possibility, but people can flip out when the they realize the whole house is about to fall down.

 

Secondly, You cant make HER do anything, i.e. quit her job. You can't make her do that or anything else. It would have to be something she wants to do on her own to salvage the relationship, though I think demanding her to do it will just cause resentment for you both. I didn't realize she was hooking up with her co-worker and that's even worse. SIGH. I don't have any advice other than I'd personally run like hell, but that is just me. Other people may suggest that you hang in there.

 

Third, I am not sure how long you have lived with her, but maybe you should contact a lawyer and make sure you won't get hit with a naturalized marriage lawsuit... I think it's called 'common law' in the USA. Maybe consider moving out into your own flat.

 

Good luck.

 

Thanks for all the replies everyone.

 

Seems to be quite an agreement that I should be getting the hell out.

I am going to heed the advice of taking some time for myself this weekend to clear my head at the cottage for a day or two.

 

Everything has happened so fast that I don't know if I am coming or going.

Fortunately, nothing has been invested as far as a wedding stand point, however we have been in the middle of a house hunt for a couple months...thankfully nothing bought yet.

 

Obviously with these developments, that is all off the table at this point and I can reasonably conclude the ring will be coming off the finger.

 

As far as the cheating goes...I have no proof of it being physical, but emotionally, Id argue that its in the process of happening, if it hasnt happened already. I emailed one of her coworkers and there has been a fair bit of time spent together there as well as far as lunches, breaks and general department time even though they are in completely opposite ends of the plant.

 

The only realistic thing would be to make her quit her job as far as getting things right in that aspect, but for right now, quitting outright isn't feasible financially, it could take some time and Im still out to dry as far as that goes.

 

 

Tman66, thats what I have been kind of doing, but the issue is, I have been absolutely miserable with just about everything trying to collect evidence with regards to her daily emails. I can't look at her without wanting to put her through a wall, it has been affecting my work and my relationships with friends. I don't know how much more I can gather and still put on the fake smile and pretend Im ok around her.

 

As far as counseling goes, Im not sure I want to even go that route as I believe that if someone lets this happen once, they will let it happen again...you know the once a cheater, always a cheater sort of thing. I gave up my female friends (as far as hanging out with them) and usually just talk to them once in a while out of respect for her and the relationship.

 

I guess that after writing all of this, on paper I should have my answer and logically that is to kick her to the curb for the pain, disrespect and utter betrayal of trust that I have received. Easier said than done.

 

For right now, I am for sure taking some time to see how she will react without me for a little while. I know its going to bug me like hell not to see her, but I will have support not to cave.

 

I appreciate everyone's responses and will keep you updated.

[hudson701]

It's time to check out now I'm afraid. She was gone long ago...

[leafguy]

Ok so heres the updated scoop. We had a very rough day Friday with me getting mad and saying some things I regret.

 

Saw her last night and she admitted she was bored with us, however the guy took it to far and she told him where to go.

 

Im not sure what to make of all this as she said she feels I have become to dependent on her and vice versa so she wants to go out with friends more.

 

I thought things were done when we were both balling, but the night turned a bit looser and now I am going to see her tonight. Its been a rough 48 hours, and time to do some thinking.

 

I've concluded that I for sure need to get out alot more and she needs to as well to make things more interesting. We had been doing the same thing for so long that it just got out of hand.

 

As head over heels as I am for her, I'm not sure on the best way to sort of detach myself from the relationship while still wanting to be in it to make things right. I know I have to go out and be happy myself, because I think I got almost borderline depressed and upset when I wasn't always first on her mind.

 

I am going to give her some space to miss me a bit more, but any advice on this matter would also be appreciated.

[tman666]

I would recommend that you guys look into some sort of guided pre-marital counseling.

 

To me, it sounds like most of these issues stem from a lack of communication between you two. Why couldn't she communicate to you that she was getting bored or feeling in a rut? Or perhaps she tried to do so, but her signals weren't picked up on...

 

Either way, I don't think that being "bored" isn't a good excuse to cheat. If she did, in fact, tell this other guy to piss off, then I'd say that you're in the clear to fix things. It's a two way street though. SHE needs to communicate her needs to you, preferably directly. YOU need to do your best to pick up her signals (which, as a guy, can be tough as hell sometimes ). Part of successful communication is acknowledging that one's message has been received and understood by the audience.

 

The thing is, different people have different needs depending on their latent personalities (see the graphics linked to below for examples). If your girl is more extroverted, she might literally NEED more social time/excitement to be happy. If you're more introverted, you might NEED more alone/introspective time. The important thing is to recognize these needs in each other and for each of you to do your best to respect and accommodate those needs, within the bounds of what you guys consider to be reasonable.

 

How to care for introverts

How to care for extroverts

[therhythm]

Ok so heres the updated scoop. We had a very rough day Friday with me getting mad and saying some things I regret.

 

Saw her last night and she admitted she was bored with us, however the guy took it to far and she told him where to go.

 

Im not sure what to make of all this as she said she feels I have become to dependent on her and vice versa so she wants to go out with friends more.

 

I thought things were done when we were both balling, but the night turned a bit looser and now I am going to see her tonight. Its been a rough 48 hours, and time to do some thinking.

 

I've concluded that I for sure need to get out alot more and she needs to as well to make things more interesting. We had been doing the same thing for so long that it just got out of hand.

 

As head over heels as I am for her, I'm not sure on the best way to sort of detach myself from the relationship while still wanting to be in it to make things right. I know I have to go out and be happy myself, because I think I got almost borderline depressed and upset when I wasn't always first on her mind.

 

I am going to give her some space to miss me a bit more, but any advice on this matter would also be appreciated.

 

Ohh man... wrong, wrong, wrong!!!

 

The I need space to go out with her friends is code to "I need space to go out and get laid by other guys"...

 

I definitely don't believe her she told the other guy off, if she did why she just tell you that when you confront her.

 

Please, try to look to this situation from an outsider perspective or you are screwed!

 

I usually don't like to tell other people to break up a relationship as I always think it is much easier said than done but you need to really consider that option... she doesn't respect you and you are giving her the ground to go further that road!