bambiwboone Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Okay, I recently got done with an affair. It ended ugly and I am not proud of what it has done to both of our lives. His marriage went on while I am in the process for filing for divorce. But my question is sort of going to be a touchy one..something that sticks in my mind is the conversation I had with his wife. She straight up said to me, I am going to stay with my husband and I will make sure you never have him. We have had several fights back and forth when she starts asking me more questions, the last comment was, " I have him now and you will never have him back." Then she insisted I was still in love with him ( which I am but I don't let either of them know and deny deny). When I tell her i'm not she gets huffy puffy about it. As if she wants me to want him. It's very odd. Now the MM had one other affair before with another women, plus we had a moment where we were talking and kissed ( no full fledged affair, it ended fast when I got guilty and confessed.) Then a year later we fell back together again. To me it seems that this women wants someone to want her man. She seems so persistent in me still wanting him to the point when I say I don't she gets angry about it. Do some women like other women chasing after their man? So when they get them back they feel like they won or are the better choice? Plus she has always taken him back, after three times. He has contacted me through a fake email and two weeks ago pretended he was someone else, I told her showed her the email plus the ip, it matched hers. She still hanging by his side. I don't get it. I would never be with this man but why do some married women insist on staying with someone like this? And what's up with her persistent hounding to me about me loving him?
underwater2010 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Personally I don't care if his AP still wanted him or not. It all boils down to whether or not he still wanted me. But I am sure in cases of multiple affairs, it does become a competition. My advice is to quit talking with her and move on with your life. 1
Author bambiwboone Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 She contacts me. She is the one who needs to move on. But yes I have stopped replying. I think sometimes people have the false perception that the ow is the one who instigates. That is not always the truth. I feel like I fell into the hole of a couples sick game.
underwater2010 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 No....you jumped in feet first. However....great job on not responding. I would block her at every juncture. I personally do not think that it is always the OW that instigates. I called his MOW twice, then left it at that. Contact between any party makes the pain continue. 2
SmokeRat Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Oh look. An affair partner complaining about the unexpected consequences of putting their hands into someone else's cookie jar. How quaint. A couples sick game? REALLLLLLLLY? Let me tell about said, sick game. You and the MM started it. YOU AND THE MM. Not the betrayed spouse. YOU. MARRIED MAN. Do I think she should be hounding you? No, more so because you aren't worth the time. However, if this is how this woman can heal, move on and achieve some sort of normality in her life, then I'd step aside and let her harass you for decades. You OM/OW open up Pandora's Box, and yet never expect that something negative and destructive may come you way. Rant over. 10
loredo21 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 i don't have uch to say on the subject except that yes, the W of xMOM in my siuation definitely talked to me as if she had "won" him. It seemed like a competition to her. Like I have all of him now, when in reality I don't even want his sorry ass. So I am rather happy that she "won" him. what a prize... 1
who_am_i Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Okay, I recently got done with an affair. It ended ugly and I am not proud of what it has done to both of our lives. His marriage went on while I am in the process for filing for divorce. But my question is sort of going to be a touchy one..something that sticks in my mind is the conversation I had with his wife. She straight up said to me, I am going to stay with my husband and I will make sure you never have him. We have had several fights back and forth when she starts asking me more questions, the last comment was, " I have him now and you will never have him back." Then she insisted I was still in love with him ( which I am but I don't let either of them know and deny deny). When I tell her i'm not she gets huffy puffy about it. As if she wants me to want him. It's very odd. Now the MM had one other affair before with another women, plus we had a moment where we were talking and kissed ( no full fledged affair, it ended fast when I got guilty and confessed.) Then a year later we fell back together again. To me it seems that this women wants someone to want her man. She seems so persistent in me still wanting him to the point when I say I don't she gets angry about it. Do some women like other women chasing after their man? So when they get them back they feel like they won or are the better choice? Plus she has always taken him back, after three times. He has contacted me through a fake email and two weeks ago pretended he was someone else, I told her showed her the email plus the ip, it matched hers. She still hanging by his side. I don't get it. I would never be with this man but why do some married women insist on staying with someone like this? And what's up with her persistent hounding to me about me loving him? If I had to guess I'd say it's because maybe after catching her husband 3 times she is doing that same thing as some OW do to keep her head in it. Listen, I'm not one to ever judge what goes on in the head of the BS after d-day...but I can only assume that the constant questioning that goes on must be far worse then that which takes place in the head of the OW. Much like how the OW tells herself that she is different and their relationship is the exception to the rule during the affair, the BS must also do some of that at times to stay in the marriage after the affair is discovered. Part of her coping may be her knowing that if he wanted to go that the OW would gladly have him...yet he still chose her so that has to stand for something. He must love her, he must want her. Ya see...if she knows you don't want him then it takes the choice away from him. Now he's only staying cause he doesn't have a better option and that no longer has the same meaning as staying cause he wants to regardless of what he says. I'm not saying this is what happens...just a thought. Lord knows I'm no Dr. Ruth. 3
Author bambiwboone Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 He loves her. He always loved her. It's the type of love was never clear to me. But he did choose her. Now he knows i'm not an option, she knows i'm not an option. he is all hers!! Cheers to her! I dodged a bullet. Time to repent and move on.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 He loves her. He always loved her. It's the type of love was never clear to me. But he did choose her. Now he knows i'm not an option, she knows i'm not an option. he is all hers!! Cheers to her! I dodged a bullet. Time to repent and move on. He always was hers.. Anyway, focus on letting go completely and healing - Getting through your own divorce, grieve that loss too. Maybe do some counseling as well just to help you cope with all this and to make sure you heal in a healthy way. Block her and don't look back, make this a part of your past - Something that you won't repeat again ever. 1
waterwoman Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 She's hurting you to make her own hurt easier. It's not nice and it's not sensible but she's doing what she feels she needs to I guess. FWIW I am sorry that she's doing this to you. It's not my style and I don't like the idea of punishment however bad the transgression. it isn't really helping either of you. 2
findingnemo Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 A number of reasons for a her behaviour come to mind: - She is angry and a bit illogical. That can happen to anyone who is going through infidelity trauma. - She is probably finding it hard to get her WH to give her enough information and keeps contacting you hoping she will get answers. - She can read through your bravado and knows you still love him and it really pisses her off. - WH may be telling her that you are a very pushy lady and he couldn't resist you. He blame shifts and she believes him. So she thinks she can frighten you into abandoning your nefarious plans to steal him. It could be any reason really. I too think you need to block her. Get them out of your life once and for all. And if she keeps turning up, report her. It's possible that she has lost it and means you some serious harm.
skywriter Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) Okay, I recently got done with an affair. It ended ugly and I am not proud of what it has done to both of our lives. His marriage went on while I am in the process for filing for divorce. But my question is sort of going to be a touchy one..something that sticks in my mind is the conversation I had with his wife. She straight up said to me, I am going to stay with my husband and I will make sure you never have him. We have had several fights back and forth when she starts asking me more questions, the last comment was, " I have him now and you will never have him back." Then she insisted I was still in love with him ( which I am but I don't let either of them know and deny deny). When I tell her i'm not she gets huffy puffy about it. As if she wants me to want him. It's very odd. Now the MM had one other affair before with another women, plus we had a moment where we were talking and kissed ( no full fledged affair, it ended fast when I got guilty and confessed.) Then a year later we fell back together again. To me it seems that this women wants someone to want her man. She seems so persistent in me still wanting him to the point when I say I don't she gets angry about it. Do some women like other women chasing after their man? So when they get them back they feel like they won or are the better choice? Plus she has always taken him back, after three times. He has contacted me through a fake email and two weeks ago pretended he was someone else, I told her showed her the email plus the ip, it matched hers. She still hanging by his side. I don't get it. I would never be with this man but why do some married women insist on staying with someone like this? And what's up with her persistent hounding to me about me loving him? I think that I relate to your question, maybe.... It's as if they have this, dynamic, thing, whatever , they go through and include outsiders...Like they, enjoy proofing to one another that even if I'm unfaithful, i'm coming back. and I don't believe anyone "belongs" to anyone. Just my opinion, wife, husband, or whatever. You might be married, but you aren't the property of...You should be faithful because you choose to, not because you belong to. I also don't believe it's right to decieve others into thinking you care for them and have love for them, only to invlove them in your sick thing, you have going with your spouse. I didn't get it either, but, there must be many married people doing this. Just be glad you are out of it, I am, and in a normal relationship. Just ignore them. Edited May 23, 2013 by skywriter sounds like his wife is an enabler to his infidelity after three times.
seren Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Because sometimes the WS badmouth's the OW, sometimes they say all sorts of derogatory things and mostly the BS just isn't having any of it. For most of us an A just for sex can feel worse than if there were feelings involved and maybe she just needs to hear that her world was blown apart for something that meant something to someone, rather than just because or just for sex. Maybe. 2
ComingInHot Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 bambi wrote, " Then she insisted I was still in love with him ( which I am but I don't let either of them know and deny deny). When I tell her i'm not she gets huffy puffy about it. As if she wants me to want him. It's very odd. Now the MM had one other affair before with another women, plus we had a moment where we were talking and kissed ( no full fledged affair, it ended fast when I got guilty and confessed.) Then a year later we fell back together again. To me it seems that this women wants someone to want her man. She seems so persistent in me still wanting him to the point when I say I don't she gets angry about it. Do some women like other women chasing after their man? So when they get them back they feel like they won or are the better choice? Plus she has always taken him back, after three times. He has contacted me through a fake email and two weeks ago pretended he was someone else, I told her showed her the email plus the ip, it matched hers. She still hanging by his side. I don't get it. I would never be with this man but why do some married women insist on staying with someone like this? And what's up with her persistent hounding to me about me loving him?" Hey Bambi* You wrote that you are, in fact, still in love w/her H. My guess is she Knows this and your continuing to lie and deny, spurs her on. I also don't think you continuing contact w/her (or her you) is helping Anyone to move on. I was worried my H & exOW still liked each other. It gave me Some peace to know that H was disgusted and hateful towards both exOW & Himself. Most of my peace came from Knowing exOW will find herself in legal trouble if she comes at me or H again. **sighs of relief** Maybe write (when it is the Truth) and if you get to that point, one last email to Both of them telling them You no longer have ANY feeling for Her Husband and to Never contact You again??.?*
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