innocent Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 My bf and I have been going out for 2 1/2 yrs. I love him so much. He is my best friend always there for me. I love him so much. My problem is my strict parents who are so mean to him. Not to mention how mean my own parents are to me. My mom is so stuck up, and narrow minded. She keeps on mentioning to me how one day I will meet someone else. She will get me to confide in her, and make me vulnerable, and use what I have told her to manipulate me into getting what SHE wants. It has been that way all of my life, so we do not have a close relationship because I learned when I was younger that I couldn't talk to her about ANYTHING. My Dad has always been nice to me as long as he didn't have to talk to me about anything. I am a girl and I should talk to my mother about my problems. So I do not really know my Dad that well. I have been away from my house for about 1 1/2 yrs at college. My bf still lives in the same city as my parents. Now from day one, my bf, has had a hard life and had to deal with alot of things, so he had to grow up fast. I on the other hand was extremely sheltered. He had to take care of his family at 13yrs to 17yrs old. So school was not a priority because he had to take care of his mom and little brother and pay the bills. Coming from this "lower class" my mom did not like him from the start. She was always making rude comments, not saying them to him but directing them towards my bf, not every once in a while but constantly. I could go on and on about the mean things she has done to him, but this post would go on forever. One time, I came home from seeing him for the last time before I had to go back to college. I was crying because I was going to miss him so much, and I walked in the house and my Mother says in a rude way " Oh come on " I was so mad I said to her that there is no reason to say that to me when I am hurting and that it was unnecessary. But it never stops as it has never all of my life.On a different instance, I borrowed my little brother's video camera to tape my boyfriend's graduation. My mom called me so many times telling me to bring the camera back because it might get "stolen", implying that my bf would steal it from me. She even called one time saying that my brother was worried about it, and my brother got on the phone and told me that he didn't even care. Now today my friend tells me about how my Dad didn't seem to happy about me dating my bf this long. This upsets me even more. Is it not enough that my bf has never done anything to make my parents dislike him that they both treat him so badly?
Author innocent Posted October 1, 2004 Author Posted October 1, 2004 I have tried talking to my Mom all of my life about the way she treats me, with no respect, and she doesn't care. I have always tried my best to please them never sneak out, skipping school, going to wild parties, even staying out all night with boys. Never and they treat me like I have. I am still a virgin and plan to keep it that way for my self, but still they act like I am this crazy, extremely stupid girl and I am just so sick of it. I feel like I am the adult and they are the children and just tear me down any time I talk to them or see them. I don't know what else to do. My b/f is the only person who has been there for me no matter what, and my parents hurt him so bad emotionally. I am just so upset with them right now that they only see what is stereotypes and do not see how he is good for me, and they are completely tearing me apart he is the only person who actually truly cares about me and my feelings. He has always told me to try and not rebel even though everyone else was telling me I should. Never pressured me into having sex with him, giving me encouragement to do good in school, and listen to my parents. What should I do? I cannot stand it anymore!
re3rocks Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 dude. if ur parents dont like him then be like "**** u guys, i can date whoever ii want. he makes me happy, why do u hate someone that makes me happy" seriously, like, all parents are a**h***s, if that makes u feel better and uh, i would go up to my parents and be like "if u keep this up, then, when im gone in college, and stuff, oh im LONG gone! ur not welcome to my wedding or anything!" thatll scare the ==== outa em.and theyll lay off. at least my parents do
Haunani Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Innocent, sometimes parents truly mean well, they just have different ways of showing it, your parents on the other hand are still trying to *control* their daughter, what parent doesn't want to still have a hand in their lives. Unfortunately, whether or not they like it, it's YOU who has to share your life with this guy, if he makes you happy, then forge ahead. I speak from experience. My dh is like your bf. He's not brought up wealthy or even middle class, he was brought up in a trailer home and basically took care of himself. I see my h as a very strong person, in that he wants exactly opposite of what he had growing up. And while I had it mediocre and he had it hard, we've managed to far outweigh anyones opinion, cause in the end, it was ME who had to live and deal with him, not them. They will either accept it or not. If they don't, that's their *kuleana* (business), if they don't they lose a daughter too, and I don't think they'd really want that. You are an adult, and of legal age, and they did bring you up with a mind of your own and to be an independent person to make your own choices in life. This just happens to be one of them. I say, tell you parents you love them, but this is YOUR life, and you will not always be under their wings forever. They can support you or not. You don't always need your parents approval for things you do in life........although it is nice to know that you have that *rock* to turn to when things get tough, you just gotta find another *shoulder*. Be strong.
Author innocent Posted October 1, 2004 Author Posted October 1, 2004 Thank you both for your advice. I feel alot better knowing that other people have been through this too. I will try to talk to them again, and if they cannot accept him or treat him with any bit of respect, then they will just have to deal without me. I love him, and they should be happy for me, and support me. Not ridicule me. Thank you
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