avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 In trying to be honest with myself I realize that I'm no good for anyone right now. Ugh, my emotions are all over the place. I was in such a grouchy mood today and felt like retreating from everybody. I would be a horrible girlfriend right now. I've always had this mindset that I want to be in a good place so I can feel comfortable opening up and letting someone into my life. It's stuck in my head and now I feel guilty and I'm to blame too. With me, I know I will be fine when I cross this hurdle, but it's hard for me to expect anyone else to understand it though. Is this just me or has anyone else felt this way?
mfleck91 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 In trying to be honest with myself I realize that I'm no good for anyone right now. Ugh, my emotions are all over the place. I was in such a grouchy mood today and felt like retreating from everybody. I would be a horrible girlfriend right now. I've always had this mindset that I want to be in a good place so I can feel comfortable opening up and letting someone into my life. It's stuck in my head and now I feel guilty and I'm to blame too. With me, I know I will be fine when I cross this hurdle, but it's hard for me to expect anyone else to understand it though. Is this just me or has anyone else felt this way? You are not alone at all. There are days when I would do anything to have someone with me and be able to open up to. Then there are days when I know my ex is still all over my mind, she is still such a huge part of me. I know I'm in no place to have a relationship but I crave that closeness so badly! 5
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Hell, my breakup was a year ago and I feel that way. 1
Ale khun Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 No you are not alone , some times I feel like I'm the worst company in earth , I just complaint about everything I get moody angry upset with everyone and I can't open myself and explain that what I have it's just a feeling that I can't release , but I'm trying , I do want to be with a guy but without all this bad feelings because probably I'm going to do the same thing he did to me , 1
crederer Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 There are times I feel I can move onto someone new. Then I do and realize that no, no I can't. I'm thinking I'm not even going to try to get a new girl right now. If it happens it happens but I'm not overly pursuing anything because I am still obviously not over my ex.
youngnlove89 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 It goes like this: I am lonely. So I crave that company and companionship like a fat kid craves chocolate cake. So I search for it, only to be faced with reality that it can only come from within me first (or the more suitable option, my ex, but we all know that can't and won't happen). I have to find comfort in lonliness, I have to learn to be okay with it. It's tough though, because I want what I want. I want to cuddle, be cuddled, I want to kiss, hug and be with someone. I'm impatient and it makes me go crazy that I can't have it NOW. I realize I feel this way because I built a routine around it. For 2 years, I was used to someone being there, and now they were yanked from me. It's not normal to be alone for me. I'm out of routine now. It is going to take awhile to get used to my heart being back in my chest. It's a shock at first. It's something that we have to develop on our own. But over time, you will get used to being alone. You'll like it. You won't think anything of it because it's routine now. And when you do start dating, you will think different, a guy wants to spend the night and you'll be like, "sleep over? what? I like my big cozy bed to myself!" 5
Esoteric Elf Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Yeah, but it is not a "right now" daytime mood as such; rather it is my whole being and life. In Social Dwarinism, the superior mate and are successful while the inferior invariably will be trampled upon. I am of the inferior, but I candidly don't care anymore. You just learn to live with what you have. Any initial pains, if you are conditioned long enough, will give rise to antipathy in the respective area.
Author avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) Thank you all for your responses and support! It's good to know I'm not alone! I mean I'm not glad that you are feeling this way...I'm just happy to know that it's normal and we aren't crazy for having these feelings. I've been through a lot and have learned so much about myself the past few years that I don't want to back slide and end up in or tolerate an emotionally unfulfilling relationship ever again! My needs and wants are just as important as the other person's and I'm happy that I'm not willing to settle for less than I deserve in that department. I've also learned that I need to be in a place where I have something to offer in return. I'm almost there, but not quite yet. I want to feel I'm starting new and refreshed after fixing the messes I created due to my own silly coping mechanisms. It's about protecting myself and feeling formidable. I don't want to cope like I used to and have been working hard to understand and control them when they surface. I'm at that place now and that work is done I'm happy to say. There is so much I want to do and share with the person who walks into my life and understands me for me! I know now that I need a person who will understand some of the insecurities I have when I'm feeling vulnerable. They are minor insecurities and they do not surface often; only when I'm facing a loss of some sort. The person I need is someone who will say, "Hey, no worries. I'm here and everything is okay." Just hearing those words calms down the fears and everything goes back to normal. I realize it's all quite simple really once you are with someone who wants and is willing to understand. Thank you again for the support! I'm in a much better frame of mind after getting some much needed rest. I will respond individually as well. Edited May 23, 2013 by avelonia2013 2
Author avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 It goes like this: I am lonely. So I crave that company and companionship like a fat kid craves chocolate cake. So I search for it, only to be faced with reality that it can only come from within me first (or the more suitable option, my ex, but we all know that can't and won't happen). I have to find comfort in lonliness, I have to learn to be okay with it. It's tough though, because I want what I want. I want to cuddle, be cuddled, I want to kiss, hug and be with someone. I'm impatient and it makes me go crazy that I can't have it NOW. I realize I feel this way because I built a routine around it. For 2 years, I was used to someone being there, and now they were yanked from me. It's not normal to be alone for me. I'm out of routine now. It is going to take awhile to get used to my heart being back in my chest. It's a shock at first. It's something that we have to develop on our own. But over time, you will get used to being alone. You'll like it. You won't think anything of it because it's routine now. And when you do start dating, you will think different, a guy wants to spend the night and you'll be like, "sleep over? what? I like my big cozy bed to myself!" Thank you Younglove89. You have so much wisdom for your age. Don't ever lose that. Any guy in your life would be very lucky to have you! The last paragraph is spot on; especially the part in bold. A great problem to have and can't wait to be at that place. I love it! 1
Author avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 No you are not alone , some times I feel like I'm the worst company in earth , I just complaint about everything I get moody angry upset with everyone and I can't open myself and explain that what I have it's just a feeling that I can't release , but I'm trying , I do want to be with a guy but without all this bad feelings because probably I'm going to do the same thing he did to me , I completely understand how you're feeling. I used to bottle up all my feelings inside too and have learned that it's okay to have them. You just need to understand where they are coming from. There are some good techniques to try when your feeling this way. When I'm feeling vulnerable I pull back, give myself some space and think about what triggered these feelings. Once you understand the reason it's easier to put them in perspective and release them in a healthy way. You also need to take good care of yourself by getting rest, eating right and taking vitamins when you're going through times like this. Have you ever tried meditation or yoga? Don't worry, you will get there! I can tell you have a wonderful spirit and will be a fabulous partner to the person you let into your life.
Author avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 There are times I feel I can move onto someone new. Then I do and realize that no, no I can't. I'm thinking I'm not even going to try to get a new girl right now. If it happens it happens but I'm not overly pursuing anything because I am still obviously not over my ex. I totally get this and feel the same way. I would be a horrible date right now!...lol. I'm a firm believer that you need to get over a relationship that has ended before starting with someone new. I don't want to bring any baggage into a new relationship.
tinker683 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 You are not alone at all. There are days when I would do anything to have someone with me and be able to open up to. Then there are days when I know my ex is still all over my mind, she is still such a huge part of me. I know I'm in no place to have a relationship but I crave that closeness so badly! Just re-quoting this because this is me to the letter. 1
Author avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Hell, my breakup was a year ago and I feel that way. Thank you BHS! It takes time and there is nothing wrong with waiting until you're ready. I'm sure the next person in your life will greatly appreciate that you took the time you needed to grieve your ex. That's healthy!
Author avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 You are not alone at all. There are days when I would do anything to have someone with me and be able to open up to. Then there are days when I know my ex is still all over my mind, she is still such a huge part of me. I know I'm in no place to have a relationship but I crave that closeness so badly! I know what you mean. Thank you for the support! There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting over the ex before starting something new. It's very important that we all do it otherwise we drag left over baggage into the next relationship. I crave the closeness too! It's sooo hard, but I know if I don't clean out the old stuff I won't be good for anyone new. So I'm sticking to my goals and taking care of the things I need to in the meantime. Thanks again and I hope you find peace soon!
Author avelonia2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Yeah, but it is not a "right now" daytime mood as such; rather it is my whole being and life. In Social Dwarinism, the superior mate and are successful while the inferior invariably will be trampled upon. I am of the inferior, but I candidly don't care anymore. You just learn to live with what you have. Any initial pains, if you are conditioned long enough, will give rise to antipathy in the respective area. Hey Esoteric Elf. I'm so sorry you feel that way about yourself. I don't believe anyone is inferior if they are being true to who they are. What happened to make you feel you're of the inferior? Are you speaking of social status?
Esoteric Elf Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Hey Esoteric Elf. I'm so sorry you feel that way about yourself. I don't believe anyone is inferior if they are being true to who they are. What happened to make you feel you're of the inferior? Are you speaking of social status? Naw, don't feel sorry for me. About a year ago the antipathy turned actually to enjoying being the lowest of the low. What happened? Never being told I am appreciated, not ugly, cared for, etc. the list goes on and on. Instead, I have been told that I am ugly, weak, stupid, etc. This is my life, so what of it? I am good with that after having had so much heaped upon me. Online words count not a single thing to me, and is meaningless.
mfleck91 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I honestly think I just want a cuddle buddy, I like that idea 1
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