Hu1ch Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I can't believe I'm finding myself here. I guess you could say I'm lost, worried, and anxious. To summarize, I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 years. We started dating towards the end of her Freshman year, I was a Junior. Our relationship was wonderful, we both were committed and loved each other. I ended up graduating and moving back home and found a good job that pays good money. Even though we were a 9 hour drive apart I still managed to see her every so often (usually 1-2 months). I noticed after the last two months she had been getting steadily worse emotionally. Her grades weren't what she wanted, her friends weren't being her friends, and she wasn't sure if what she was studying to become was what she wanted. I worried about her so I talked to her as often as possible. We had a long conversation on Monday and she told me that "She loves me, just not the way she use too" and that she doesn't find me as attractive anymore, but not in a physical way. She also said that maybe we need a break, but she said she just needs to see. (She's had a planned visit awhile ago to see me this weekend) Needless to say I would have rather been hit by a car. I paid for her to come visit me this weekend about a month ago, and she's making the trip. I have a special weekend planned for her, nothing overly fancy, but enough that I know she will feel like the special girl she is. After reading homebrew's "Grass-is-Greener-Syndrome" I feel like the inevitable will happen and she will leave me. I love this girl so much, but I don't know entirely what to do. Please help, and Thank you.
flitzanu Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I can't believe I'm finding myself here. I guess you could say I'm lost, worried, and anxious. To summarize, I've been dating my girlfriend for 2 years. We started dating towards the end of her Freshman year, I was a Junior. Our relationship was wonderful, we both were committed and loved each other. I ended up graduating and moving back home and found a good job that pays good money. Even though we were a 9 hour drive apart I still managed to see her every so often (usually 1-2 months). I noticed after the last two months she had been getting steadily worse emotionally. Her grades weren't what she wanted, her friends weren't being her friends, and she wasn't sure if what she was studying to become was what she wanted. I worried about her so I talked to her as often as possible. We had a long conversation on Monday and she told me that "She loves me, just not the way she use too" and that she doesn't find me as attractive anymore, but not in a physical way. She also said that maybe we need a break, but she said she just needs to see. (She's had a planned visit awhile ago to see me this weekend) Needless to say I would have rather been hit by a car. I paid for her to come visit me this weekend about a month ago, and she's making the trip. I have a special weekend planned for her, nothing overly fancy, but enough that I know she will feel like the special girl she is. After reading homebrew's "Grass-is-Greener-Syndrome" I feel like the inevitable will happen and she will leave me. I love this girl so much, but I don't know entirely what to do. Please help, and Thank you. the best advice i can give you is, when the inevitable happens, go directly to NC, don't communicate with her, block her from all social media, and DO NOT beg her to be with you or to work on things. 2
BrokenHeartedSavior Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Agreed. No Contact is the ONLY way to go. Short of that, you'll just look weak, whiney, and needy. Now make no mistake: NC probably won't get her back (that's not its purpose) but you'll have your self respect and dignity left intact. And that will begin your healing process. 3
Author Hu1ch Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Agreed. No Contact is the ONLY way to go. Short of that, you'll just look weak, whiney, and needy. Now make no mistake: NC probably won't get her back (that's not its purpose) but you'll have your self respect and dignity left intact. And that will begin your healing process. I would rather have her back, work through the issues with her and come out stronger on the other side. This is all happening so suddenly and I hope its just that she hasn't seen me in awhile and is going through a tough time. I have this weekend to maybe spark things with her. I care so deeply for her.
Author Hu1ch Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I would rather have her back, work through the issues with her and come out stronger on the other side. This is all happening so suddenly and I hope its just that she hasn't seen me in awhile and is going through a tough time. I have this weekend to maybe spark things with her. I care so deeply for her. Is there any advice on how to help her get through GIGs and end up on the other side?
Author Hu1ch Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Is there any advice on how to help her get through GIGs and end up on the other side?
Pisces13 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Is there any advice on how to help her get through GIGs and end up on the other side? Yes there is. Just give her space and time to work things out on her own. You can't control the way she feels. The reality is, if you keep pestering her, you'll just push her further away. 1
eachcomingnight Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Hey! I went through something similar recently. I flew out to Scotland to see him, hoping it would rekindle the lost feelings. I think that he panicked when he thought about the future (which would involve one of us moving). Regardless, I was hopeful that seeing me in person would change things. It didn't - I think he had had so much time to worry about how he felt that it was too late by the time I saw him. I was totally honest when I saw him, tried my best to be myself, and it wasn't enough. I don't regret that because it was where I was at the time. In retrospect, if I had considered how to maximize the chance of making him realize what he could lose, I might have asked for a period of no contact before we met up - but truthfully, that's not where my head was at. I couldn't pretend that I didn't care or that I was okay with not talking to him. So - it's up to you to decide what your approach is. But truthfully, even if I had managed to keep his attention by cutting off contact before our last meeting, I feel like it would have been a tactic to keep him a little bit longer rather than a long-term solution. I guess my advice would be that if you are going to see her, try your best to prepare for her to be distant, etc, and to be rational - maybe tell her that you hope that things will work out but if they don't you won't be able to keep in touch with her. Just so she knows she can't keep you around as she tries to figure things out - that's almost a guaranteed losing situation for you. Then, let her make up her mind. There's not much you can do. Focus on taking care of yourself and act as if you are going to need to move on without her. It sucks, I know. I'm almost two months past the break-up and things are okay for the most part, but it's been a lot of effort on my part to get them there. Take care.
aisuru Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Dear Friend.... You're both young. Long distance doesn't help. Seeing each every 1-2 months just is not enough I'm afraid... Unfortunately, sometimes relationships just run their course. Enjoy this last time seeing her. Don't dwell. Accept that this is likely the end. I'm sorry you're hurting and will hurt for some time to come. Take care of yourself. You will be okay in the end. I promise.
Author Hu1ch Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Yes there is. Just give her space and time to work things out on her own. You can't control the way she feels. The reality is, if you keep pestering her, you'll just push her further away. I may be bias but I think this is possibly the best thing I can do, as hard as it is. I know inside she loves me, but maybe she's restless and other aspects of her life are getting to her. I still have time to find out. I have heard both wonderful stories of people working things out and moving on in life together, and I have heard terrible stories of broken hearts. No two stories, couples, or people are the same; similar, maybe. But not the same. There is more I can say both about her and what I feel and maybe I will soon. You will be okay in the end. I promise. I'm not at the end, I appreciate the encouragement but that is like telling someone with cancer you feel better after the chemo is over. Lastly, regardless of what happens, I'll be sure to relate my experience in case it helps someone else down the road.
Pisces13 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I may be bias but I think this is possibly the best thing I can do, as hard as it is. I know inside she loves me, but maybe she's restless and other aspects of her life are getting to her. I still have time to find out. I have heard both wonderful stories of people working things out and moving on in life together, and I have heard terrible stories of broken hearts. No two stories, couples, or people are the same; similar, maybe. But not the same. I'm going through the same thing as yourself at the moment, so I know exactly what it feels like. We want to feel like there is something we can do to make things right, but there isn't. We were the one's who were dumped, that means it is up to the dumper to seek reconciliation. Like I said, you can't force some one to feel a certain way, that's why there is nothing you can really do in this situation. As painful as it may be, it's the cold hard reality. All you can do is move forward yourself, it may sound cliche, but it is true. Don't put your life on hold waiting for her to make a decision. You don't need to run out and find a new girlfriend (doing so would be foolish at this stage anyway), but take this time to focus on yourself. Reevaluate who you are and where you're headed in life, go out and see other girls, become the best you that you can be. If she wants to come back eventually, she will let you know. Until then you just need to accept that the relationship is over, and go about living your own life.
aisuru Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I'm not at the end, I appreciate the encouragement but that is like telling someone with cancer you feel better after the chemo is over. Good grief, you made it sound like you're approaching the end. I'm just saying you'll be okay either way.
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