nickkelly9 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 First things first, I have still not gotten a date and in fact have been rejected 3 times in the last 3 days, literally once every day. But I thought this was cool. I was eating my lunch at Jack in the Box today. A beautiful woman came in and order some food. I wanted to go up to her and be bold and invite her to join me. I did not. She got her food and sat down alone. I finished my lunch and had 30 minutes before I had to return to work. I walked towards the door, but I said you know what, no, I'm going to have a story to tell at least. So I went right over to her booth and sat down. I told her she looked like she could use some company, and that I had about 20 minutes to kill before going back to work. Believe it or not the world did not end, and the cops were not called, and she did not throw her drink in my face. In fact, we spent 20 minutes talking and getting to know each other. I noticed she had a big ring and I asked was she engaged or married. She said she was married and so I told that I wouldn't be asking for her number. It was cool. I may not ever see her again, and because she's happily married with two kids there is no room for me anyway. But I sorta made a new friend, I imagine if our lunches intersect again we'll continue to dine together. Of course I wish she had been single and that was the beginning of a relationship, I still think it was just so cool to go up to a beautiful, random woman and get to know her just like that. It's a success story for me because even 6 months ago I would not have been able to do that. So for all the lonely losers like me out there haha, who have no social skills and are terrified of making approaches, just do it. Just tell yourself before hand that 1) you will be rejected but it won't be that bad and 2) life will go on after the fact and the only different will be you won't have that regretful, cowardly feeling. And you know what, if you don't get rejected, even better! Last note, of course I don't recommend you start out by approaching a woman in an eating establishment. This was bold for sure. But just try something. Making small talk to women, especially ones you find attractive, will build confidence. Soon you'll have longer conversations. Eventually you will get the feeling you could go for a number. Go for it, rejection be damned. As the rejections pile up, you will stop caring. Eventually, you will have the skill and courage to just walk up to a strange, beautiful woman, strike up a conversation, and possibly get a number and start a relationship. 1
daletom Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 OK, since this approach brought you some success let me suggest something similar that might also be beneficial: Don't limit yourself to women who look like they might be suitable date or relationship prospects. Pay particular attention to the older ones - such as your parents' age. Does she have a bumper sticker or sweatshirt from Podunk State University? Ask about her connection to the school, and take it from there. Is there a box on her desk where she's trying to push candy for some youth sport league, band boosters, scouts, etc - ask about her kids' role in the organization. You'll have to find the entry point, but based on your report it's something you're able to do (even if you're not comfortable with it yet). If anything, it should be easier for you to do this because the lady herself isn't your actual objective, so her lack of interest or even outright rebuff isn't as personally painful. So why do this? These ladies have daughters - nieces - neighbor girl babysitters - kids they coached - etc. If you develop a relationship and impress them, they can at least identify possible companions, and may even step in to make introductions. I was almost 22 and had gone through four years of college without dates, much less anything like a girlfriend. I watched many of my friends step down after receiving their diploma, and a wife or girlfriend (or both?) applied displays of affection bordering on sexual assault. I thought, "Hey! I must be the ONLY guy here who has never even been laid!". Well, deep down I knew I wanted something more than just getting laid. A few days later I was chatting with a much older couple who were friends of my parents, and somehow the conversation turned to how "girls avoid me like the plague". A couple weeks later the wife of that couple contacted me and passed along an address for her niece, saying that she was expecting to hear from me and we could start by comparing our college experiences. Having this mutual acquaintance (my parents' friend; my wife's aunt) who knew us both, and could see some compatibility factors, made this a lot more than something like a random hookup, or online dating, etc. Being much older, this acquaintance was in a better position to identify significant compatibility factors than friends of our own age. Well, that started as over 3 months of sight-unseen letter writing, then a "dating" relationship that was mostly done as houseguests of each other's families, and about a year and a half after that discouraging thought during college graduation we were married - and still are, almost 39 years later! You can find more details about my experience in several posts in the "Long-Distance Relationships" category.
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