jncapital1 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I've been dating a great girl for almost three months. She is a young widow and her husband died 2 1/2 years ago. The first several months were passionate and she was very excited about us. She has twin daughters and they love me. We usually spend 3 to 4 nights a week doing things together, usually with the girls. It has been such a great time. Everything was going great until about three weeks ago. We still get a long great but we haven't had sex for three weeks. As recently as two weeks ago she was talking about a long term relationship in a very positive light but on Sunday night she said she has lost her physical attraction for me. I said should we break up and she said no. We agreed that we haven't been able to spend enough time together because of the girls and thought that getting out alone might relight the spark. any thoughts?
Casablanca Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Hire a baby sitter or see if the grandparents can watch the kids one night
sweetheart5381 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Yes, Casablanca is right. I'm a Mom of 3 and I can say that after time spent with the kids, some decompression time is required to get in the mood for sexy time with my guy. Take the time to get together one-on-one, lots of flirting and physical touch and make her feel desirable. (Feeling like a mother all the time is not a sexy feeling at all!) Most of all, make sure that you show her that you want her as a sexual woman, not just because she is a great Mom.
Author jncapital1 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 She's interviewing babysitters as we speak. I suggested the date option to capture the spark and she thought it was a great idea. We were suppose to go out tomorrow night but she said she is too busy with work, which is not unusual as she works hard and loves her job. We haven't had time to set another time yet due to work today. During our talk on Sunday I gave her several chances to break it off and she didn't want to but I'm still anxious.
Author jncapital1 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Great advice. I know she has been feeling a bit trapped lately. She lost her last babysitter about a month ago so she works all day and comes home where it's 4 or 5 straight hours with the girls. I love helping and we're like a family but she's exhausted and we aren't getting any romance time in like we used to.
sweetheart5381 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 She's interviewing babysitters as we speak. I suggested the date option to capture the spark and she thought it was a great idea. We were suppose to go out tomorrow night but she said she is too busy with work, which is not unusual as she works hard and loves her job. We haven't had time to set another time yet due to work today. During our talk on Sunday I gave her several chances to break it off and she didn't want to but I'm still anxious. So what sort of things did you 2 do together before you met the kids? IMO it really helps to keep those things going, it separates the "family" aspect from the "couple" aspect.
Author jncapital1 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 It is a relatively new relationship. We had that spark the minute we met. Our first few dates were the usual, dinner, drinks, laughing, and a little fooling around but no sex yet. After a week or two of dating, she'd invite me over when the girls went to bed and we'd make out for hours, laughing and talking. It was at this time that she lost her babysitter. Now I usually come over, we cook dinner, read or play with the girls, put them to bed and watch TV for a few hours. She still likes to cuddle and the conversation is still great but no sex. She told me several weeks ago she was having some physical issues but now that they are better she says she's lost the attraction.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 She's already lost the attraction after only 3 months? That doesn't bode well. Try spending more time alone together, if possible. But I'd tread very cautiously...don't get too much more invested at this point. Not yet.
FitChick Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 No sex after three months? Sounds like you have become her best buddy.
Author jncapital1 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Thanks for all the insight and advice. The reason I'm so confused is that there seem to be multiple potential causes for the recent lack of intimacy. As I mentioned she is a widow and her 7th wedding anniversary would have been two weeks ago so recently I've noticed some sadness on her part. The other issue seems to be that without a babysitter she has no time to get away from her children and it is wearing on her. They are great but everyone needs a break. I can just see her getting tired and stressed. She feels trapped in her own house. Plus the lack of the babysitter means all of our time is with them. I think either or both of these have led to our lack in intimacy and now she feels stress about that, too. So what do I do to help her relax and also regain the passion we had just three weeks ago?
sweetheart5381 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 It is a relatively new relationship. We had that spark the minute we met. Our first few dates were the usual, dinner, drinks, laughing, and a little fooling around but no sex yet. After a week or two of dating, she'd invite me over when the girls went to bed and we'd make out for hours, laughing and talking. It was at this time that she lost her babysitter. Now I usually come over, we cook dinner, read or play with the girls, put them to bed and watch TV for a few hours. She still likes to cuddle and the conversation is still great but no sex. She told me several weeks ago she was having some physical issues but now that they are better she says she's lost the attraction. In all honesty, it may have been way too soon to get involved in her "family" life (with the kids). Keeping your relationship strictly adult in the first few months (and I don't mean always x-rated) keeps it as a special place for just the two of you to open up and explore together. Definitely get a sitter and get her out of her everyday surroundings. Being a single Mom is tough! Getting out together one-on-one helps to create special memories that only the 2 of you will share.
Author jncapital1 Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Good advice but can't un-ring that bell now. We were so into each other right away she wanted to see how we would all be together and we were great. We still have a lot of fun once the girls went to bed, too. Losing her sitter really hurt our ability to go out and be together without the kids but as of last night we have one! So hopefully we'll be going on a date soon and see what happens. I really hope the spark comes back. 1
sweetheart5381 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Good advice but can't un-ring that bell now. We were so into each other right away she wanted to see how we would all be together and we were great. We still have a lot of fun once the girls went to bed, too. Losing her sitter really hurt our ability to go out and be together without the kids but as of last night we have one! So hopefully we'll be going on a date soon and see what happens. I really hope the spark comes back. Good to hear that you have a sitter And I am in the same sort of predicament right now. My guy and I have been so good together, crazy chemistry and have so many things in common, (including our daughters close in age, 7 and 9) that I have contemplated us all meeting, casually. But then I think to myself that he and I have such a great thing going that I would like to keep the kids out of it for now and just enjoy being with him. Good luck on your date
Author jncapital1 Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 Now we just have to schedule the date and see what happens. We're supposed to set it up tonight so I'm a bit anxious. Interesting decision on your part regarding the meeting the kids. She wanted to get together early to see if we would "work" together well and we do. It has been amazing spending time with her and the girls but we do need to begin to find some balance in the form of alone time. I really hope she is sincere in trying to work through her recent loss of attraction.
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