fixme Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Hi forum, Long story short, my ex and I broke up over a month ago after 3 years of being in a relationship. We had a great relationship and she was like my best friend but we did have arguments frequently. Close to the end, I began to distant myself due high amounts of stress going on in my life (I was biting off more than I could chew with school, work, and activities). The relationship didn't feel the same as it used to be. I feel this is due to me. Also maybe because we met during high school when life was easier and there was more time for each other compared to how my life is now. She was putting into the relationship but I wasn't as much anymore. Maybe I was getting to comfortable with the relationship. Before the actual breakup, I decided to tell her we needed some time apart to think the relationship over. The break was meant for me to find ways to become a better partner to her. I also wanted some time to myself since I rarely had any anymore. However, my ex didn't think a break from the relationship was the best way of doing this. This really hurt her. After a few weeks, I asked to see her. We met up and talked about the relationship. I apologized for putting her through a break and told her I regretted it. She finally opened up about everything she didn't like that I was doing. She brought up things like; My little interest in having a family and marriage with her in the future (I am 20 and she is 19), not getting along with her mother, not making more time for her (like I said I rarely had time for myself), that I put my friends before her ( I only hung with my friends once a week) and some other things. I became defensive during this conversation. However, I apologized for how I was acting but also stated my reasoning (in a nice way). She said that she was too hurt from I acted and couldn't handle being in a relationship with me. Now that a month has passed after the breakup, I am now aware of how I was acting. I regret the way I was treating her. I can see how she probably felt uncertain with me. I guess I wasn't able to see that I was doing many things wrong during our relationship until after it was over. She was a wonderful girlfriend and I took her for granted. I have tried to reach out and sent her a heart filled message, apologizing for everything and taking full responsibility for the breakup and saying that I regret losing her and want another chance. But she hasn't replied to anything. I feel like a horrible person. I really love this girl but I feel I don't deserve her. I feel so much guilt and anguish for hurting her. Why is this? How can I show her I changed my way of thinking from before? Cheers
younglove17 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 First of all I'd like to say that your break up is not nearly as messy as some, which is a good thing. However you did truly injure her trust in you, and that takes a long time to repair, if it ever does. It's understandable that your life was getting hectic and if you can't see each other everyday (assuming you don't go to the same school), relationships can be hard to keep up. So in my eyes, you have a choice here. If you truly love this girl, you'll give her the space she is very obviously showing that she needs. No contact is the way to go. Always. Especially if she hasn't replied to any of your attempts. If you don't respect her need for space, that window of hope for winning her back will only get smaller and smaller. The more desperate contact you attempt, the further she will distance herself from you. I know you want to show her "I'm different now," which perhaps you will someday be able to show her, but right now she desperately needs room to heal. It's far too early to be asking to try again. Now the hard part... It's possible she has moved on and you will never get that second chance. My boyfriend broke up with me a little over a month ago, same as you, and he will never get a second chance with me. Ever. Granted, our relationship did not last as long as yours. From a girl's perspective, and based on the relationship's length, I'd (tentatively so don't quote me on this) say that she does still care for you very much, but is incredibly hurt. She's forcing herself to move on and heal because trust me, 3 years of a relationship does not just vanish. To conclude, I would strongly advise no contact whatsoever. It will be hard, but you will be respecting her unspoken wishes to not talk to you. If she wants to come back to you, she will. But you must be prepared for the possibility that she won't, so start taking steps to move on. If you truly want her back, be open to any contact (except breadcrumbs but that likely won't happen here) that she eventually gives but be prepared for the worst. You have apologized and showed you are open to reconciliation, and she didn't reply. It's up to her now, and if you respect her, you'll allow her to make that choice while also healing yourself. Best of luck and I hope this helped 2
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