trippi1432 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Is it wrong to hold out on saying you are in love or to say I love you until you are really sure you do? Deep, true love is not just a physical attraction to me and I don't just callously play with men's feelings by saying it if I don't mean it. I don't think that's unreasonable.... I've been like this since after my first divorce. I think I felt that I fell too fast and it was too emotional. I was also extremely young back then, so most first loves go like that. But in my later 20's to today, I make sure I really know my feelings before I say that to a man because I really need to see who they truly are, get to really know them and respect that I don't say something that important without really knowing it. My second exH didn't hear me say that to him for almost two months and even then I felt a bit pressured to say it. When I said it to my ex-SO, I knew it with everything I am. He started to say it to me one night when we were out on our 10th date or so....I could see it, I felt it and I knew his feelings. I think I questioned myself and if my heart was open enough at that time to return it as much as he was showing me. When I did say it, it meant something and he respected me enough to not give up but not pressure me to say it. Now, back in the dating scene, and have been talking to a new guy for a month now. We've been on one date. He's lovebombing me to death. I thought he was just kidding at first, how can you know you truly love someone you hardly know? It's gone from are you going to marry me to are you in love with me yet to when are you going to let me move in. I counter with let's just get to know each other, I'll know when I know and no man will ever live with me unless we are getting married or are married. I did ask start countering when he asked if I loved him with do you love me? He finally said yeah...why I asked him...he said because we are just meant to be together. I would like to just get to a second date to see if I do have any feelings after being pressured so much....ugh! So, haven't heard from him today and probably won't...but that's not the problem. Am I being unreasonable to want to take things slow when it comes to saying the I love you thing or should I just be throwing it around like it doesn't matter int he dating world these days???
Treasa Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Is it wrong to hold out on saying you are in love or to say I love you until you are really sure you do? Deep, true love is not just a physical attraction to me and I don't just callously play with men's feelings by saying it if I don't mean it. I don't think that's unreasonable.... I've been like this since after my first divorce. I think I felt that I fell too fast and it was too emotional. I was also extremely young back then, so most first loves go like that. But in my later 20's to today, I make sure I really know my feelings before I say that to a man because I really need to see who they truly are, get to really know them and respect that I don't say something that important without really knowing it. My second exH didn't hear me say that to him for almost two months and even then I felt a bit pressured to say it. When I said it to my ex-SO, I knew it with everything I am. He started to say it to me one night when we were out on our 10th date or so....I could see it, I felt it and I knew his feelings. I think I questioned myself and if my heart was open enough at that time to return it as much as he was showing me. When I did say it, it meant something and he respected me enough to not give up but not pressure me to say it. Now, back in the dating scene, and have been talking to a new guy for a month now. We've been on one date. He's lovebombing me to death. I thought he was just kidding at first, how can you know you truly love someone you hardly know? It's gone from are you going to marry me to are you in love with me yet to when are you going to let me move in. I counter with let's just get to know each other, I'll know when I know and no man will ever live with me unless we are getting married or are married. I did ask start countering when he asked if I loved him with do you love me? He finally said yeah...why I asked him...he said because we are just meant to be together. I would like to just get to a second date to see if I do have any feelings after being pressured so much....ugh! So, haven't heard from him today and probably won't...but that's not the problem. Am I being unreasonable to want to take things slow when it comes to saying the I love you thing or should I just be throwing it around like it doesn't matter int he dating world these days??? I think you're showing a lot of common sense and thinking from the correct place. 1
tricolors Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Uh, no, you shouldn't be saying it. One date, really? The dude has problems. Move on. Or he's trying to BS you into bed. 1
TouchedByViolet Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 You are not wrong and I know there are guys who move closer to your pace. This guy you are talking to is rushing things. 1
Author trippi1432 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Uh, no, you shouldn't be saying it. One date, really? The dude has problems. Move on. Or he's trying to BS you into bed. I pegged that as well, on the getting ya into bed thing. He did sound literally hurt that I don't return the sentiment or am not agreeable on jumping in with both feet. Hopeful the next guy wants to go at the right pace. Thank you for the responses.
CryForNoOne Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I didn't anything after you wrote "after my FIRST divorce"... Definitely not wrong to take it slow.in your case. In fact you MUST...
Author trippi1432 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Thanks for the feedback CryForNoOne....just as background, 1st husband was a serial cheater and left my heart an emotional train wreck. That was a long time ago, but I don't think it is wrong not to be rushed into something so serious that quickly. I think if this guy respected me, he would understand that.
Recommended Posts