ConfusedT Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 OMG, i needed this. I need this. I am only on day 3 NC so it is sooooo hard but I am not going to budge because I didn't do this, he did. I am in the other category "forced to leave", but he feels like he broke up with me and i feel like i broke up with him. he told me he never loved me and i wasnt worth an ounce of respect after what happened, so i texted him leave me alone and dont text me for any reason. He hasnt and neither have i. hardest thing ive endured in quite a while to have someone with you every second of the day besides when youre working to having nothing and not seeing them. horrible.
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 OMG, i needed this. I need this. I am only on day 3 NC so it is sooooo hard but I am not going to budge because I didn't do this, he did. I am in the other category "forced to leave", but he feels like he broke up with me and i feel like i broke up with him. he told me he never loved me and i wasnt worth an ounce of respect after what happened, so i texted him leave me alone and dont text me for any reason. He hasnt and neither have i. hardest thing ive endured in quite a while to have someone with you every second of the day besides when youre working to having nothing and not seeing them. horrible. Absolutely, 100%, completely agree. Went from being glued together, to nothing. It is unbearable!! If ya can't tell, I am having a really bad couple of days. It's almost the worst it has been. Broke down twice today in the bathroom at work. Don't know what the f*ck is going on here... And, being forced to BU with someone is the same as being dumped. Kind of what my ex did to. Just means they don't have the balls to do it themselves for whatever reason...
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Absolutely, 100%, completely agree. Went from being glued together, to nothing. It is unbearable!! If ya can't tell, I am having a really bad couple of days. It's almost the worst it has been. Broke down twice today in the bathroom at work. Don't know what the f*ck is going on here... And, being forced to BU with someone is the same as being dumped. Kind of what my ex did to. Just means they don't have the balls to do it themselves for whatever reason... I think I can tell you what is happening to you because the same thing happened to me... Because some time has passed, now you are subconsciously realizing that its really over...Its like before this, it sucked, but you were able to get by because the bu was still new and in your mind the thought she might come back was keeping you afloat..Now you are losing the liferaft, so to speak, and you are sinking... The good news(at least it was the case for me anyway), is that once this phase passed, you will start to finally put it behind you..Hope is dead, Its buried in the yard and now you start to forget about it.. Its been 6 months for me and I can honestly say that while I am not 100%, I no longer feel any longing..I used to wake up each morning at 4 AM and just sit and ponder what she was doing and why I am not with her...Havent experienced that in weeks.. Youll get there..Youre close... TFY 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I think I can tell you what is happening to you because the same thing happened to me... Because some time has passed, now you are subconsciously realizing that its really over...Its like before this, it sucked, but you were able to get by because the bu was still new and in your mind the thought she might come back was keeping you afloat..Now you are losing the liferaft, so to speak, and you are sinking... The good news(at least it was the case for me anyway), is that once this phase passed, you will start to finally put it behind you..Hope is dead, Its buried in the yard and now you start to forget about it.. Its been 6 months for me and I can honestly say that while I am not 100%, I no longer feel any longing..I used to wake up each morning at 4 AM and just sit and ponder what she was doing and why I am not with her...Havent experienced that in weeks.. Youll get there..Youre close... TFY TFY - Thanks for the pep talk. Very necessary today ... You may be right, especially sub-consciously. But, at the same time, I am pretty sure I gave up hope a while ago, and in fact didn't even want her to come back. I know what I have been doing though, is remembering the very early stages of the RS when it was so, so good. And she was great to me. Loved being around me and hated to be apart, even for a few hours. For some reason this has been on my mind for the last couple of days and it is very damaging. Hoping it will pass soon. Also hoping, as you mentioned, that this will be some kind of corner I am turning. Who knows. Damn this shyte is crazy, crazy, crazy!!!
thefooloftheyear Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) TFY - Thanks for the pep talk. Very necessary today ... You may be right, especially sub-consciously. But, at the same time, I am pretty sure I gave up hope a while ago, and in fact didn't even want her to come back. I know what I have been doing though, is remembering the very early stages of the RS when it was so, so good. And she was great to me. Loved being around me and hated to be apart, even for a few hours. For some reason this has been on my mind for the last couple of days and it is very damaging. Hoping it will pass soon. Also hoping, as you mentioned, that this will be some kind of corner I am turning. Who knows. Damn this shyte is crazy, crazy, crazy!!! Trust me on this....What you think is happening probably isnt..You didnt give up hope...If you did, you would be fine by now..I realized that hope is the real devil here..Once you slay that demon, then you will finally be free..All people that are struggling are holding onto hope..Period... I could be wrong, but I dont think I am... And let me give you a little tip...I would NEVER in my entire life overtly flirt with a woman..Its just not my style..Nothing wrong with it, it just didnt fit my makeup..I decided that rather than being a down and out sad sack, I decided to start chatting it up with some women..Nothing serious. Just little stuff. If I see a cashier at the market or a teller at the bank, Ill smile and crack a joke or just chat it up..Its nice to get some that smile back and some flirting back as well..Just the other day, I said to a sexy toll collector lady Hey have a nice day, OK? She smiled and said "you too, baby"...Its been fun and gets you out of your rut..Just be respectful and youll see...try it! TFY Edited May 23, 2013 by thefooloftheyear 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Trust me on this....What you think is happening probably isnt..You didnt give up hope...If you did, you would be fine by now..I realized that hope is the real devil here..Once you slay that demon, then you will finally be free..All people that are struggling are holding onto hope..Period... I could be wrong, but I dont think I am... And let me give you a little tip...I would NEVER in my entire life overtly flirt with a woman..Its just not my style..Nothing wrong with it, it just didnt fit my makeup..I decided that rather than being a down and out sad sack, I decided to start chatting it up with some women..Nothing serious. Just little stuff. If I see a cashier at the market or a teller at the bank, Ill smile and crack a joke or just chat it up..Its nice to get some that smile back and some flirting back as well..Just the other day, I said to a sexy toll collector lady Hey have a nice day, OK? She smiled and said "you too, baby"...Its been fun and gets you out of your rut..Just be respectful and youll see...try it! TFY OK, so then how does one give up hope, especially if they're not even sure they are still hanging on to it? Not saying you're wrong. Just not sure what the hell is going on at this point?! And, I agree with the flirting thing. I have always been a little bit of a flirt, so that's not to hard to do, even when feeling crappy. Also, I know that I am in NO place to actually follow through with any of it. I am completely emotionally unavailable for the time being!!
latergater Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I’m in a weird mood today, so my disclaimer is just that. I am in no mind, world or skirt short enough to call myself a professional. I am in no body, shape or sober mind to concur that I am right. This is I just sharing the obvious, taking all the advice giving on here and putting it together in one eeny beeny teeny post. So if you got some vodka, pour yourself some, gather around and give me the rest of the bottle. Here we go... Once upon a time, I fell for an emotionally constipated man, whom for two years could never directly give me his heart, but instead shoved it up my tush instead (I always knew he was kinky). After I got back with him 100 times over, had break up sex twice as much, felt “content” with his uncommitted decisions and made myself believe I was okay for a day or two, then realized I wasn’t, broke up with him, sought for advice and after the billionth “move on and go NC” was given (takes deep breath), I finally smelled the p.iss, gave up on the fact that my story is not different and went NC (and still am). You know what I learned? We are all in the same situation. We got dumped. Everything else is irrelevant; age, term of dating, eye color, and whether they picked their nose or not. Fact is, they left us. And here we are, in a cyber world seeking advice like a crazy diabetic person with braces in a candy story—we are lost. Our hearts are racing, hands shaking, and we’re biting our lips while staring at our phones like a pathetic ape. We are putting our lives on hold for these people that walked away from us. We are aimlessly walking off a cliff. Our lives are in sloooow mooootion while we wait around for the inevitable: them never coming back. (For those in denial: yes that is the cold hard truth, tastes like cough medicine, don't it?) We stalk, text, call, we leave ten voice mails, and it only leaves us feeling out of control, weak and angry. Why do we do it? Because we think we are the exception. We knock, bang, lock and reload. We wish on falling stars, dream about them every night and see it as a “sign” rather than a mere coincidence and eat the whole pint of ice cream (or if you’re like me, one pint for each thigh) in sheer pity for ourselves. We purposely set ourselves up for failure every time and then decide to log on to LS shamelessly seeking advice, spilling our secrets and crossing our fingers for answers we will never get, EVER. Over and over again. Aren’t you dizzy yet? And when they do contact us in the most pathetic way, we immediately log on here, exaggerate the question and everyone gives us the same answer every time: breadcrumbs, nothing but breadcrumbs. So here is what I learned, this is me standing on the front lines, looking at all of you wounded soldiers with your hearts torn out of your chests, battered and beaten souls and tired eyes. Here I am repeating the same thing that has been said every day, every thread, every time. If you have been left by the person you loved (or if they gave you no choice but to leave them), if they have given you every indication that they do not want you back, if they have chosen time over chance and you are laying in bed alone every single night…Then you must do what follows: 1. Apply immediate No Contact - Don’t ask questions - Don’t look for answers - There is no such thing as closure - There is no going back - There are no wishbones, candles to be blown and exceptions to the rule. 2. Mourning with NO CONTACT Symptoms include: pouting, whining, making excuses, getting drunk, crying randomly, posting several times on LS, looking for their car while driving, checking your phone 100x a day, eating for one, being sleepy, having urges to contact them, wishing on stars, looking for them at the supermarket, planning what you would say if you saw them at the supermarket, wishing on 11:11, sleeping with a stranger, regretting it in the morning, crying, biting your nails, checking your email 50x a day, drinking too much coffee, shouting at them to yourself, becoming angry for no reason, acting recklessly, having anxiety, dreaming of them, having heart palpitations, missing them, wondering if they miss you, feeling okay and then feeling horrible, eating too much ice-cream, being bored on the weekends, crying, not going to the gym because your lazy Symptoms may very person-to-person. Symptoms may last longer than others. Symptoms can come and go. Symptoms are never a reason to contact an ex. Symptoms don’t last forever. And then finally **lets out deep breath**… 3. Shake hands with indifference BAM. That’s it. The end. You are not the exception. Your story is not different. You are not the only one. I hate to ruin the ending for you and all, but everything will work out in the end. You will move on. This will be just a figment of the past that you will look back on one day and realize how much you grew from it, learned from it and moved on. Your goal is to be indifferent, correct? To be that, you just have to buckle up, endure the ride and know that this hurt you are feeling will pass. You are adorable. Love your advice. And, you look like you work out a bit too, which I love. I am a workoutaholic as well. keep them coming! 1
thefooloftheyear Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 OK, so then how does one give up hope, especially if they're not even sure they are still hanging on to it? Not saying you're wrong. Just not sure what the hell is going on at this point?! And, I agree with the flirting thing. I have always been a little bit of a flirt, so that's not to hard to do, even when feeling crappy. Also, I know that I am in NO place to actually follow through with any of it. I am completely emotionally unavailable for the time being!! Ill tell you what worked for me...But I dont recommend you do it. Unless you can handle it.... Deep in NC, I started to kinda feel like you are now..I desperately wanted to contact her...I needed to know what was going on, but I had been so strong on NC that I wouldnt or couldnt.... So I did the next best(worse) thing..I reactivated my FB page and held my breath to take a look..I dont care for FB, but I maintained a FB acct to keep up with her and communicate at times..It was stupid frankly, but hey..wth....She is one of those nutty people that puts her WHOLE LIFE on FB so I knew I was going to get the scoop.. So after an initial shock of seeing her in an embrace with her new BF, talking about how special he is, blah, blah...I realized it was over and thats that..Hurt for a few hours and then it was as if a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders.. Now here is something to add...She went 180!! She looks horrible and I would imagine she put on 35 lbs or so since the BU in early Dec..Hair looks terrible, no makeup, just looks like a different person. And in all the pics she posted she isnt smiling in any of them..Just a wry grin or a nuetral look..Also no "happy" posts, no posts about fitness and diet, nothing...Just stuff about her work mixed in with some mushy stuff about the new BF...Oh, and the new BF makes me look like Gods gift to womanhood...Not that I am anything special, btw.. So there you go...it worked for me..No longer worried about it..In fact left up the FB account and didnt even block her...I couldnt care less..I hope shes not depressed, I do wish her well, but it just doesnt faze me anymore... Good luck TFY 1
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) ^^ Well, I'd say you dodged a bullet with that one, my friend. I am NO WAY looking at her FB. That would be a death sentence. Not going to happen. Never. No way... Glad it worked out for you, but could you imagine if she was hotter? And happier? I would lose what little bit of my mind I am clinging on to right now. I am assuming she's got a new dude, but I don't want to know the details. Bedsides I caught a quick glimpse of her a couple of weeks ago when I was driving by the gas station she was at. Meh, looked pretty much the same from what I could tell, so not banking on a physical meltdown on her end... Edited May 24, 2013 by mtnbiker3000
thefooloftheyear Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 ^^ Well, I'd say you dodged a bullet with that one, my friend. I am NO WAY looking at her FB. That would be a death sentence. Not going to happen. Never. No way... Glad it worked out for you, but could you imagine if she was hotter? And happier? I would lose what little bit of my mind I am clinging on to right now. I am assuming she's got a new dude, but I don't want to know the details. Bedsides I caught a quick glimpse of her a couple of weeks ago when I was driving by the gas station she was at. Meh, looked pretty much the same from what I could tell, so not banking on a physical meltdown on her end... Perhaps it made it a bit easier to swallow...but... I still say that I would have gotten over it..Its what I needed to do to kill all hope. Sure, if she was hotter and sexy I think it would have delayed the inevitable, but I gotta say Iwas ready for it...I can recall someone posting(maybe TM?) that when you can see them in the arms of another person without getting worked up then you know you are pretty much over it..I needed to know that I could do it... best of luck to you... TFY
mtnbiker3000 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Think I need more time then, because that would just send me into a tailspin. I agree that is a good indicator of how one truly feels about the ex, but I already know I am not ready for that. Maybe in another 30 or 60 days. Not now. No way...
cavalier99 Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 (edited) Perhaps it made it a bit easier to swallow...but... I still say that I would have gotten over it..Its what I needed to do to kill all hope. Sure, if she was hotter and sexy I think it would have delayed the inevitable, but I gotta say Iwas ready for it...I can recall someone posting(maybe TM?) that when you can see them in the arms of another person without getting worked up then you know you are pretty much over it..I needed to know that I could do it... best of luck to you... TFY Seeing my ex after using NC to getting indifferent certainly shattered any illusions i had been harbouring.. She had gained a good amout of weight. Had suffered a fall and hurt her shoulder and knee so she cant workout. She did not look nearly as good looking as i remeber when i had on my love goggles. Also i found some of her perviously endearing manerisms slightly annoying. Meanwhile i was exuding confidence and looked awesome according to her! We sat and reminised some and looked at pics of her and new boyfriend . Them kissing holding hands ecetera.. I just couldnt care less. She is nothing special to me in a romatic way any more. Even though most of you know that we did get a little close that night if anything it confirmed my lack of interest. I guess in a strange turn of events i sorta used her to unequivically get over her...somewhat similar to how dumpers use contact with us to validate thier decision. Its great if you can reach this point. Rock on! Cav Soooo much happier now that im out of that RS and recoverd. She really did me a huge favor breaking up with me! And ill be forever grateful. Almost everyone here posting and in pain will be at this point even though it doesnt seem possible right now. You will NOT want back with you EX's guaranteed and will meet someone better for you. Edited May 24, 2013 by cavalier99 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 I WANT TO BE INDIFFERENT... NOW!!! <-----that is my whining, stepping down my foot, crossing my arms and doing that pouting face! I took a xanax last night and it knocked me out. Didn't wake up till just now. I'm not taking that stuff anymore. I just slept for 14 hours! What a waste. It's like your dead and then you wake up. Yesterday was a bad day for me. Very tough. I haven't cried that much and I don't have times were I go in the bathroom and cry like I used too, and hopefully I don't. The only time I cry is when I'm listening to sad music. This crap is hard guys and if flirting works so well, lets all flirt with each other then!!
thefooloftheyear Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I WANT TO BE INDIFFERENT... NOW!!! <-----that is my whining, stepping down my foot, crossing my arms and doing that pouting face! I took a xanax last night and it knocked me out. Didn't wake up till just now. I'm not taking that stuff anymore. I just slept for 14 hours! What a waste. It's like your dead and then you wake up. Yesterday was a bad day for me. Very tough. I haven't cried that much and I don't have times were I go in the bathroom and cry like I used too, and hopefully I don't. The only time I cry is when I'm listening to sad music. This crap is hard guys and if flirting works so well, lets all flirt with each other then!! You got it, sexy... TFY
landshark Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I’m in a weird mood today, so my disclaimer is just that. I am in no mind, world or skirt short enough to call myself a professional. I am in no body, shape or sober mind to concur that I am right. This is I just sharing the obvious, taking all the advice giving on here and putting it together in one eeny beeny teeny post. So if you got some vodka, pour yourself some, gather around and give me the rest of the bottle. Here we go... Once upon a time, I fell for an emotionally constipated man, whom for two years could never directly give me his heart, but instead shoved it up my tush instead (I always knew he was kinky). After I got back with him 100 times over, had break up sex twice as much, felt “content” with his uncommitted decisions and made myself believe I was okay for a day or two, then realized I wasn’t, broke up with him, sought for advice and after the billionth “move on and go NC” was given (takes deep breath), I finally smelled the p.iss, gave up on the fact that my story is not different and went NC (and still am). You know what I learned? We are all in the same situation. We got dumped. Everything else is irrelevant; age, term of dating, eye color, and whether they picked their nose or not. Fact is, they left us. And here we are, in a cyber world seeking advice like a crazy diabetic person with braces in a candy story—we are lost. Our hearts are racing, hands shaking, and we’re biting our lips while staring at our phones like a pathetic ape. We are putting our lives on hold for these people that walked away from us. We are aimlessly walking off a cliff. Our lives are in sloooow mooootion while we wait around for the inevitable: them never coming back. (For those in denial: yes that is the cold hard truth, tastes like cough medicine, don't it?) We stalk, text, call, we leave ten voice mails, and it only leaves us feeling out of control, weak and angry. Why do we do it? Because we think we are the exception. We knock, bang, lock and reload. We wish on falling stars, dream about them every night and see it as a “sign” rather than a mere coincidence and eat the whole pint of ice cream (or if you’re like me, one pint for each thigh) in sheer pity for ourselves. We purposely set ourselves up for failure every time and then decide to log on to LS shamelessly seeking advice, spilling our secrets and crossing our fingers for answers we will never get, EVER. Over and over again. Aren’t you dizzy yet? And when they do contact us in the most pathetic way, we immediately log on here, exaggerate the question and everyone gives us the same answer every time: breadcrumbs, nothing but breadcrumbs. So here is what I learned, this is me standing on the front lines, looking at all of you wounded soldiers with your hearts torn out of your chests, battered and beaten souls and tired eyes. Here I am repeating the same thing that has been said every day, every thread, every time. If you have been left by the person you loved (or if they gave you no choice but to leave them), if they have given you every indication that they do not want you back, if they have chosen time over chance and you are laying in bed alone every single night…Then you must do what follows: 1. Apply immediate No Contact - Don’t ask questions - Don’t look for answers - There is no such thing as closure - There is no going back - There are no wishbones, candles to be blown and exceptions to the rule. 2. Mourning with NO CONTACT Symptoms include: pouting, whining, making excuses, getting drunk, crying randomly, posting several times on LS, looking for their car while driving, checking your phone 100x a day, eating for one, being sleepy, having urges to contact them, wishing on stars, looking for them at the supermarket, planning what you would say if you saw them at the supermarket, wishing on 11:11, sleeping with a stranger, regretting it in the morning, crying, biting your nails, checking your email 50x a day, drinking too much coffee, shouting at them to yourself, becoming angry for no reason, acting recklessly, having anxiety, dreaming of them, having heart palpitations, missing them, wondering if they miss you, feeling okay and then feeling horrible, eating too much ice-cream, being bored on the weekends, crying, not going to the gym because your lazy Symptoms may very person-to-person. Symptoms may last longer than others. Symptoms can come and go. Symptoms are never a reason to contact an ex. Symptoms don’t last forever. And then finally **lets out deep breath**… 3. Shake hands with indifference BAM. That’s it. The end. You are not the exception. Your story is not different. You are not the only one. I hate to ruin the ending for you and all, but everything will work out in the end. You will move on. This will be just a figment of the past that you will look back on one day and realize how much you grew from it, learned from it and moved on. Your goal is to be indifferent, correct? To be that, you just have to buckle up, endure the ride and know that this hurt you are feeling will pass. This really hurts but is spot on, its called acceptance, something that I haven't come to grips with yet even as she's found another bf. You're right, indifference (the opposite of love) is hopefully where I'm heading sooner better than later.
Charlie Harper Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I read it OP and its quite spot on! My case is diferent since we broke because we realized we where in a dangerous situation: her H is violent gun loving Psycho, My wife is also Violent and destructive (wonder why we got along so well LOL) and also we would destroy our families. So today I am in the 100 day of N.C. and I saw a Picture of her in FB, I can see her smiling and very dresses up but I can see her sad eyes and the face I know how to read so well. She is making a huge effort to save her family as I am but we are not happy. Guess we are one of those histories where everything is perfect but the timing and we had the vision to end it before we got caught, or we lost all control. Seeing that we had no real problems and probably she is the best friend I have ever had (and believe me I have a very busy social life). I made no fantasies about the future or something i have no control of so instead of going in a downward spiral I have seen the bright side of the whole situation I will enumerate it if someone wants to go this route good, it has worked for me so far. 1) I have come to terms on what she made me realize of myself, that I am a very upbeat guy, funny, handsome, a great lover, good listener and as she said the person who makes me feel secure and a great friend. 2) I found out that my relationship was lacking and it was not my fault, I tried and tried 3 years, to no avail, she taught me to learn and let go, in the process we both fell in love. 3) She made me realize that I was the most inportant thing in my life and that selfishness is not all that bad , so I worked out, got in shape (even more than before), made me a better businessman, have a clearer purpose in life and more important to be happy WITH MYSELF. 4) I entered Yoga classes, meditation, and returned to play the guitar as before, I am picking new hobbies and went back to dance classes. 5) Basically I am moving on, I may end up divorced in some months because my wife is boycotting all my happiness, my friendships in an effort to keep me controlled, and I dont want to, I have learned to let go and this N.C is the biggest I have had in my life, I get a huge ego boost knowing I am strong enough to let go a person who I am in love With for the sake of her trying to make her life happy I sincerely hope she succeeds. EVEN IF IT BROKE MY HEART 6) The most important thing about all this is that I have learned that I ME MYSELF is the only one responsible for my happiness, my love and my life, noone can give that to me or take it away If you focus too much on misery and the bad, you will feel bad all the time...learn to let go, to breathe and go on.... the more you delay that CHOICE, the more you will suffer. 1
Author youngnlove89 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 Great advice Charlie, albeit very hard to follow. As the saying goes, "it's easier said than done" But nonetheless, it's being positive that gets us through our most vulnerable aching moments. It's something we all must practice. 1
Charlie Harper Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 I am not saying its a piece of cake but you will see incredible things happen in your life if you go this route, right now I have reconected with lot of old friends, some of the have had incredible things done to make me sure I count in their life, also my falmily has been a great force and I have even met some incredible people in these 100 days. I am with one month of running a marathon and I feel so happy about me. SAVE YOURSELF, dont expect other to do so, but with a good outlook and actions you will see a lot of people will help you without knowing !!!
Author youngnlove89 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I am not saying its a piece of cake but you will see incredible things happen in your life if you go this route, right now I have reconected with lot of old friends, some of the have had incredible things done to make me sure I count in their life, also my falmily has been a great force and I have even met some incredible people in these 100 days. I am with one month of running a marathon and I feel so happy about me. SAVE YOURSELF, dont expect other to do so, but with a good outlook and actions you will see a lot of people will help you without knowing !!! That's awesome!! Good for you Everybody deserves happiness! Glad you have friends and family to support you.
frostythesnowman Posted June 10, 2013 Posted June 10, 2013 Ill tell you what worked for me...But I dont recommend you do it. Unless you can handle it.... Deep in NC, I started to kinda feel like you are now..I desperately wanted to contact her...I needed to know what was going on, but I had been so strong on NC that I wouldnt or couldnt.... So I did the next best(worse) thing..I reactivated my FB page and held my breath to take a look..I dont care for FB, but I maintained a FB acct to keep up with her and communicate at times..It was stupid frankly, but hey..wth....She is one of those nutty people that puts her WHOLE LIFE on FB so I knew I was going to get the scoop.. So after an initial shock of seeing her in an embrace with her new BF, talking about how special he is, blah, blah...I realized it was over and thats that..Hurt for a few hours and then it was as if a giant weight was lifted off my shoulders.. Now here is something to add...She went 180!! She looks horrible and I would imagine she put on 35 lbs or so since the BU in early Dec..Hair looks terrible, no makeup, just looks like a different person. And in all the pics she posted she isnt smiling in any of them..Just a wry grin or a nuetral look..Also no "happy" posts, no posts about fitness and diet, nothing...Just stuff about her work mixed in with some mushy stuff about the new BF...Oh, and the new BF makes me look like Gods gift to womanhood...Not that I am anything special, btw.. So there you go...it worked for me..No longer worried about it..In fact left up the FB account and didnt even block her...I couldnt care less..I hope shes not depressed, I do wish her well, but it just doesnt faze me anymore... Good luck TFY I have done stuff similar to that, and unfortunately it has never really worked for me. I am so caught up on how pretty she was, still is, and hell, probably always will be, that it's hard to see a bad side of her. I see her in pictures legitimately happy with her new (or somewhat old, in my situation) guy and it absolutely kills me. In her words "I should want her to be happy", but how am I supposed to ever be happy? Obviously I can no longer ever look at her facebook page again, and I have blocked her on every social media app/site, but the hurt remains. Recently I have undergone a new, strange kind of pain, where I miss her so much reminiscing on the times we had together, how damn proud I was to have her as my girlfriend, and how good she was to me. Its a different kind of missing her, and its almost worse than before. From spending time and hooking up with other girls, I still think about my ex while doing it, and I can't help but come to the conclusion and realization that it has been so long since we have broken up (years ago, however feelings for each other extend beyond that) and I haven't found anyone else that I feel the same with. Sorry for this long rambling post, I just needed somewhere to vent and I guess I got a little off topic. However, to the OP, it was nice reading the original post on this thread. Makes me more motivated to stay no contact and helps me realize that one day, I truly will be over her. However, I can't help the way I feel and I am feeling pretty damn sad these days. Rare that any period of time goes by where I'm not reminiscing about some awesome time I had with her, or some cute quirk that she has. 2
Author youngnlove89 Posted June 10, 2013 Author Posted June 10, 2013 I have done stuff similar to that, and unfortunately it has never really worked for me. I am so caught up on how pretty she was, still is, and hell, probably always will be, that it's hard to see a bad side of her. I see her in pictures legitimately happy with her new (or somewhat old, in my situation) guy and it absolutely kills me. In her words "I should want her to be happy", but how am I supposed to ever be happy? Obviously I can no longer ever look at her facebook page again, and I have blocked her on every social media app/site, but the hurt remains. Recently I have undergone a new, strange kind of pain, where I miss her so much reminiscing on the times we had together, how damn proud I was to have her as my girlfriend, and how good she was to me. Its a different kind of missing her, and its almost worse than before. From spending time and hooking up with other girls, I still think about my ex while doing it, and I can't help but come to the conclusion and realization that it has been so long since we have broken up (years ago, however feelings for each other extend beyond that) and I haven't found anyone else that I feel the same with. Sorry for this long rambling post, I just needed somewhere to vent and I guess I got a little off topic. However, to the OP, it was nice reading the original post on this thread. Makes me more motivated to stay no contact and helps me realize that one day, I truly will be over her. However, I can't help the way I feel and I am feeling pretty damn sad these days. Rare that any period of time goes by where I'm not reminiscing about some awesome time I had with her, or some cute quirk that she has. AWW I'm so sorry for your loss. The pain is unbearable and I can't help but become fearful of it happening to me again. Loss is never easy. You are doing fine. You've done everything you can do. Now, you just need the time to get through it. And time is different for everyone. You will be okay. You will find someone who can take her place one day and you'll look back on this and be happy that you were able to let her go and find someone who can give you love and happiness. Stay in there. You'll be fine. You can vent whenever you want my friend!
frostythesnowman Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 AWW I'm so sorry for your loss. The pain is unbearable and I can't help but become fearful of it happening to me again. Loss is never easy. You are doing fine. You've done everything you can do. Now, you just need the time to get through it. And time is different for everyone. You will be okay. You will find someone who can take her place one day and you'll look back on this and be happy that you were able to let her go and find someone who can give you love and happiness. Stay in there. You'll be fine. You can vent whenever you want my friend! I sure hope so. I think much of my problem is I can't accept the fact that there is nothing I can do anymore to be with her. Hell, she even told me that the reason we haven't worked out since our breakup a couple years ago is because she knows how strongly I feel for her and that I try too hard. The fact that she has told me this makes it so much worse, because it makes me feel like there is some kind of hope for me with her. For some reason I can't get it into my mind that it is truly over and that while she does care for me, she only wants to be friends. In my mind, she only says she wants to be friends at the time because she knows I love her so much, and honestly this is probably true, making it the hardest part.
scorpio1978 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I know everyone is different, but at what point should a person be moved on and realize it's over? I mean, is it a standard 3 weeks, 6 weeks of NC and nothing from the other person? Is there an average time or a reasonable amount of time?? Until then, hope keeps most people floating..
flitzanu Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 I know everyone is different, but at what point should a person be moved on and realize it's over? I mean, is it a standard 3 weeks, 6 weeks of NC and nothing from the other person? Is there an average time or a reasonable amount of time?? Until then, hope keeps most people floating.. usually when the ex is banging someone new, which tends to happen a few days after a breakup. 1
scorpio1978 Posted June 11, 2013 Posted June 11, 2013 flitzanu, while true in many cases, that's not all encompassing every relationship and that was an intentionally mean spirited thing to write. 1
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