weedsandposies Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Despite repetitively warning him to stop or a restraining order will be filed, he continues to bombard me with his drivel over the past 2 years. Background bit I started a year long affair with my ex from a decade ago. At the time he told me he was seeing people but no one in particular. I later found out by way of email from his GF of 2 years that he was in fact dating someone (or led her to believe it was exclusive). By that time I had already dumped him... you can read through my drama filled threads here on LS. Months later they married and now have a child including a step child (from her). HE HAS NEVER STOPPED CONTACTING ME. But I have ignored all his attempts except this last one yesterday: xOM: I need to speak to you urgently, but if you can't I understand me: not interested. stop contacting me xOM: im not interested in anything. we have history. we didn't do our history right. I know you're married and I respect that. me: you have proven to be a horrible person and I want nothing to do with you... I have made this very clear. never contact me again. I have immense guilt for not doing a better job warning her before she married this person. I chose the easy way out to protect my own marriage. Many things are going through my head right now. Warn her now that she's no longer pregnant? I was all set to send her an email through an H fake account since it will sound more genuine and forward all exOM messages from the past year and a half. BUT I just looked through their social media just to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I DO NOT THINK I CAN DO IT. My heart aches for her. She's gained 50-100lbs and looks 10 years older. Her eyes are blank. And I wonder if she has already caught him with others, since surely I'm not the only one he's trying to cheat with. What hurts me the most are the children. The police department has told me that due to the nature of his previous messages, which were quite abusive, they will send Child Protection Services to their house. Let it go? Let her know?
chaser0195 Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 If you contact her be prepared for him to make it look like you are the crazy one that won't leave him alone. Plus she already knows that he is a cheater but she chose to stay with him anyway. You can show her the proof of his previous contacts but I don't think it will matter.
Author weedsandposies Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 If you contact her be prepared for him to make it look like you are the crazy one that won't leave him alone. Plus she already knows that he is a cheater but she chose to stay with him anyway. You can show her the proof of his previous contacts but I don't think it will matter. Precisely the reason I dropped it. After their first Dday 2 years ago. And I do believe she found a few messages last year but never contacted me. I show her looking for my business contact info on google.
Author weedsandposies Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Some women turn a blind eye and fear having their imaginery world disrupted.
Praying4Peace Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Let her know. Your description of her literally breaks my heart. It will be worse for her, for sure, when she finds out but at least she'll know the truth. I wish so badly my exAP's BW was like this instead of a megabitch. It would make things so much easier. 2
Author weedsandposies Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I've decided to meet up with him and see what he wants.
thomasb Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 And just how do you see what he is looking at on Google. It is impossible.
whichwayisup Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I've decided to meet up with him and see what he wants. ???!!! Why on earth would you go see him? You have involved the police, filed a report! You are putting yourself in a situation that could dangerous, as well as make your husband totally doubt you and wonder what is really going on. DO NOT GO SEE YOUR EX affair partner. If you do decide to tell her, let her know she can go talk to the cops and they can back up your story of complaints against him. 2
Author weedsandposies Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 And just how do you see what he is looking at on Google. It is impossible. Server statistics via my websites. FYI when you visit a website they have ALL your details... hardware, browser, screen colors, how you got there, down to the coordinates of your home. It's how I was able to go to the cops with details of his/her queries and house location which OM now resides. 1
Author weedsandposies Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 Why would he risk everything to send me these breadcrumbs? I don't get it. He is BLOCKED everywhere. He does not have any of my personal contact info but manages to contact me through my businesses. Ignoring isn't working because I get to the point where it seems he will finally leave me alone, then boom contact! My husband thinks I filed the restraining order late 2011. I didn't. H has no idea OM has been contacting me since.
2sunny Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Why would he risk everything to send me these breadcrumbs? I don't get it. He is BLOCKED everywhere. He does not have any of my personal contact info but manages to contact me through my businesses. Ignoring isn't working because I get to the point where it seems he will finally leave me alone, then boom contact! My husband thinks I filed the restraining order late 2011. I didn't. H has no idea OM has been contacting me since. I'd be honest with your H and then file the restraining order. Do not SEE him in person. 3
ThatJustHappened Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Why bother reconciling if you're still going to lie to and disrespect your husband to protect your affair partner? 5
spice4life Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 If you have a restraining order then why not call the police? If you meet with this man you will nullify the RO because the court will view it as consent/non-consent. Meeting him is a really BAD idea.
latergater Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Despite repetitively warning him to stop or a restraining order will be filed, he continues to bombard me with his drivel over the past 2 years. Background bit I started a year long affair with my ex from a decade ago. At the time he told me he was seeing people but no one in particular. I later found out by way of email from his GF of 2 years that he was in fact dating someone (or led her to believe it was exclusive). By that time I had already dumped him... you can read through my drama filled threads here on LS. Months later they married and now have a child including a step child (from her). HE HAS NEVER STOPPED CONTACTING ME. But I have ignored all his attempts except this last one yesterday: xOM: I need to speak to you urgently, but if you can't I understand me: not interested. stop contacting me xOM: im not interested in anything. we have history. we didn't do our history right. I know you're married and I respect that. me: you have proven to be a horrible person and I want nothing to do with you... I have made this very clear. never contact me again. I have immense guilt for not doing a better job warning her before she married this person. I chose the easy way out to protect my own marriage. Many things are going through my head right now. Warn her now that she's no longer pregnant? I was all set to send her an email through an H fake account since it will sound more genuine and forward all exOM messages from the past year and a half. BUT I just looked through their social media just to make sure I'm doing the right thing. I DO NOT THINK I CAN DO IT. My heart aches for her. She's gained 50-100lbs and looks 10 years older. Her eyes are blank. And I wonder if she has already caught him with others, since surely I'm not the only one he's trying to cheat with. What hurts me the most are the children. The police department has told me that due to the nature of his previous messages, which were quite abusive, they will send Child Protection Services to their house. Let it go? Let her know? Again, these two words speak volumes. RESTRAINING ORDER. Someone said (on this site) a restraining order applies to immediate family members only. That is incorrect.
Praying4Peace Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 Do you want to file a restraining order? I wouldn't. I would rather tell his Wife. So what if she doesn't believe you fully? She sure as heck will be monitoring his texts/emails and he'll know that anything you send will go directly to her. Ask her specifically to not block or on her email (even if he says so) because in the future any contact you have with her will be forwarded information (his contact attempts) and that way she can take care of it before you have to file a restraining order. Sign the email from you and your H.
2sunny Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 You must want to see the OM more than you wish to save your M... Otherwise you wouldn't disrespect your M and H by even considering seeing him. Divorce your H - your actions don't show anything close to loving behavior. 1
2sunny Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 This was Dec of 2011. One months after your OM had a DDay. You were scared someone else might tell your H. My H's response: any man that would "date" a married woman, isn't worth sh*t. He'll do it to you. And guess what? OM has been seeing other people and hiding it from me, although I asked him on several occasions to tell me if he was. OM didn't have the integrity to tell me the truth until this summer when I finally pushed him. Then started strict NC. I spared H the details, he didn't want to hear them. Only that it was over. Didn't tell H that I was still seeing OM into the summer, justifying it by telling myself I tried to break it off and this was the time I was managing an exit from OM. The A started when we were separated, H's choice, after a year of constant fighting. And carried through off and on the past year. Around January, H and I reconciled. At that time OM was getting serious but I didn't trust him and started pulling away. I never told OM I was back with my H until the Spring. Just more lies. But my feelings had changed from OM back to my H. After the last incident with OM D-day (see recent thread in OM/OW forum), I needed to tell H in case OM or his GF decided to act on their threat of telling H. Couldn't have POS OM make a fool of my H. Good things came of the A. I learned to appreciate my marriage and my H and to give him more attention, which is where all of the problems stem. After everything that's happened, H still chose me and sided with me. Only time will tell if H and M really aren't affected. You lie. You've stayed in contact with the OM. You need to divorce your H - you disregard him at every turn in the road. That's not love. 4
dreamingoftigers Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 If you have a restraining order then why not call the police? If you meet with this man you will nullify the RO because the court will view it as consent/non-consent. Meeting him is a really BAD idea. Seriously W&P. You have some of the worst decision-making skills I have seen on here in a long time. You aren't as skummish as I've seen on here, but I am SHOCKED by the logic fail. 1. You told your H you filed a restraining order in 2011 that you didn't. 2. Your OM is an actual threat to you and your family. 3. Your OM contacts you for TWO MORE YEARS and yet no RO. 4. No honesty about this threatening Moron contacting you. 5. Seeing his gf suffer like Hell and not telling her the truth 6. Meeting with the as*hole. 7. Without telling your H. You do realize that aside from all of the lying stupidity, covering OM's as* and putting yourself at risk by meeting this douche: it's only going to look like you two are screwing around again. This is a super-duper STUPID IDEA. File an RO. Tell your H this moron is contacting you. Forward details to his gf. Do not respond to the idiot. Gawd. I can't even begin what motivates you to do this unless you just don't get it or you don't care enough about reality and want to re-engage OM. Gawd. 2
Author weedsandposies Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 At first I thought he was trying to get me to leave my H. Now I think he's just trying to break me. Ok I'll email her. If it was me I'd want to know. But I'm not filing an RO unless he starts threatening me ... which I fear will happen. A few months ago I found out my H was sexting some woman. And while it hurt he promised it wasn't a PA but I was glad to have found out. It also eased the guilt I had been feeling about this A. Any advice on how to best word the email would be appreciated. Last time I emailed her she didn't believe me I don't think... he's a magician.
2sunny Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 At first I thought he was trying to get me to leave my H. Now I think he's just trying to break me. Ok I'll email her. If it was me I'd want to know. But I'm not filing an RO unless he starts threatening me ... which I fear will happen. A few months ago I found out my H was sexting some woman. And while it hurt he promised it wasn't a PA but I was glad to have found out. It also eased the guilt I had been feeling about this A. Any advice on how to best word the email would be appreciated. Last time I emailed her she didn't believe me I don't think... he's a magician. What did he say when you met with him? Be specific! What was SO urgent?
dreamingoftigers Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 At first I thought he was trying to get me to leave my H. Now I think he's just trying to break me. Ok I'll email her. If it was me I'd want to know. But I'm not filing an RO unless he starts threatening me ... which I fear will happen. A few months ago I found out my H was sexting some woman. And while it hurt he promised it wasn't a PA but I was glad to have found out. It also eased the guilt I had been feeling about this A. Any advice on how to best word the email would be appreciated. Last time I emailed her she didn't believe me I don't think... he's a magician. Are you guys in MC? Because you can't keep going back and forth both acting untrustworthy and using each other's garbagey behaviour to excuse your own or spike you into more.
2sunny Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 I can't see how the M could possibly get better - when you are participating with o many lies and deception. It won't work because of how YOU are participating.
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 Why would he risk everything to send me these breadcrumbs? I don't get it. He is BLOCKED everywhere. He does not have any of my personal contact info but manages to contact me through my businesses. Ignoring isn't working because I get to the point where it seems he will finally leave me alone, then boom contact! My husband thinks I filed the restraining order late 2011. I didn't. H has no idea OM has been contacting me since. ??!! WHY didn't you file an RO? And why haven't you told your husband the truth. Something is off here. Either you are secretly enjoying this attention or strife the exMM brings into your life. This isn't right, you're playing with fire and also betraying your husband by not letting him know exMM is contacting you again and no file on the RO. Your husband IS going to be upset, rightfully so. 1
whichwayisup Posted May 24, 2013 Posted May 24, 2013 At first I thought he was trying to get me to leave my H. Now I think he's just trying to break me. Ok I'll email her. If it was me I'd want to know. But I'm not filing an RO unless he starts threatening me ... which I fear will happen. A few months ago I found out my H was sexting some woman. And while it hurt he promised it wasn't a PA but I was glad to have found out. It also eased the guilt I had been feeling about this A. Any advice on how to best word the email would be appreciated. Last time I emailed her she didn't believe me I don't think... he's a magician. Tell your husband first what is going on Weeds. He has to know it all, not just little bits and pieces of what you feel like telling him. If he doesn't know the full extent of your A, DO tell him now because once you tell exMM's wife everything, chances are she may contact YOUR H and want to compare notes, rightfully so. Fact is, you felt threatened before. And your H was upset by it too. 1
Author weedsandposies Posted May 24, 2013 Author Posted May 24, 2013 We haven't done MC since H "seeks no man's counsel." Last night I fessed up to H. Needless to say he was PO'd that a)did not file the RO b)haven't told him xOM has been contacting me for the past 2 years. After talking we concluded that it is best to let him continue contacting me and just delete the messages and not forward anything to the W. He mentioned that I did somewhat warn her before sending the cease and desist letter but she chose to marry him anyway. And that emailing her would cause marital problems for him/them and further involve this "low-life" in our own R. He was angry that we're now associated with this type of person and blamed it on me for bringing him into our life, someone H otherwise would never know. The part that hurt the most was that H was convinced I was still having an A for the past 2 years. When I text H today he wasn't his usual playful self. I should've kept it shut and just continued ignoring OM.
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