Thoughts on this conversation?

[Blackened]

Last night my boyfriend and I were on skype talking. There was a little bit of friction in the conversation... Even though we resolved it, I still feel awful and can't stop thinking about it.

 

There is a job opening where I work that I was considering applying for. I told him about it over the weekend. Last night at work I talked to one of the other people who does that job (there are multiple people in that position.) And my talk with her made me not want to apply for the job. The hours suck, and it doesn't even come with a very substantial raise for the added responsibility. From what she told me it just doesn't sound like something I would be very happy doing.

 

I am happy where I am right now. The hours are good. The pay is good. The work is pretty easy. And I have a cool boss.

 

Also, last December I suffered from some pretty bad chemical exposure at work and had to take some time off. Now I can't work around certain chemicals. The job I was considering applying for would involve working with those chemicals. So, to me that's a definite no go right there. Even if I didn't mind the crappy hours and pay, I do mind something that's going to make me sick. ANd where I work wouldn't hire me for it anyway because I have a doctor's excuse that says I can't work with chemicals.

 

So... now that the back story is told. Last night I told him I wasn't going to apply for the job. I told him the hours and he agreed with me that they suck. I told him the absolute most I would get is an hour raise. And he was like, "Well that's a pretty big raise." He might think that, but to me it isn't. I tried to tell him it isn't for the added responsibility.

 

And (this is where tone of voice comes into play... I know I can't type it the way he said it...) he was like, "Ooookay." I could tell he wasn't understanding what I was trying to say. I hadn't even told him about the chemicals yet.

 

So I was like, "Well I'm happy where I am now. The hours are good, the pay is good and I get along with my boss."

 

He was like, "Well yea, but shouldn't you at least try to move up?"

 

I told him, "If you had a job that you liked, would you trade it in for a job you didn't like for at most $1 an hour?"

 

He said no and I said, "Ok then."

 

Then I told him that I couldn't do the job anyway because I would have to work around chemicals that will make me sick.

 

He told me I got really defensive. I apologized for getting defensive but I told him I felt like he was prodding me to do something I don't want to do just to make a little more money and money isn't everything.

 

He said, "Yea but you're always complaining about your job. I just thought you might want to move up the ladder a little. I was trying to figure out why you suddenly don't want to anymore."

 

Ok... I AM NOT always complaining about my job. I like my job. I asked him, "When do I complain about my job?"

 

He was like, "You say stuff like, 'I'm tired from work' and 'there's chemicals there that burn my hands.'"

 

I haven't said anything about chemicals since it happened five months ago. And I don't think he understands that work makes people tired. We don't live together, but he is at my house sometimes when I get home from work, and there are nights when I am tired. But I don't see how that's "always" complaining about my job.

 

But, he tends to exaggerate things too. One time I told him "I don't even want to know how much I spent on cab fair this week." And he translated that into, "You are always complaining about cab fair."

 

See, to me, these things he calls complaints are just statements. Idk... maybe we have a different definition of complaining.

 

And also... he interned in college and set his own hours. He has told me that when he was interning he would come into work and do maybe 20 minutes of actual work, and the rest of the time sit and play games on his computer and get paid for it. After college he went straight from interning to freelancing. He now owns his own business and is his own boss. I don't think he has any clue what it's like for the rest of us who aren't our own bosses.

 

Anyway... we resolved it. I apologized for being defensive. He said it was alright, it's not the end of the world. But now I feel awful and can't get it out of my head. Seriously... I want to cry right now. Him and I don't argue very often, hardly at all. So when we do it hurts bad.

 

What do you all think...

[MidwestUSA]

Bottom line, you have a doctor's excuse. You should not have even been considering the job. Your health and happiness come first. If you're happy in your current position and make enough money to live on, it doesn't matter what he thinks. You're letting him lay a guilt trip on you. Don't bring the topic up again; he sounds like a whiny, drama queen. So sorry, take a breath and go do something nice for yourself today!

[Brunettie]

I don't think anything is wrong. It sounds like a normal conversation. I don't think you should be so worked up. He said everything was fine. I know I didn't hear the tone in which things were said, but I'm pretty certain you're worried over nothing and he's completely forgotten the conversation by now.

[Blackened]

Bottom line, you have a doctor's excuse. You should not have even been considering the job. Your health and happiness come first. If you're happy in your current position and make enough money to live on, it doesn't matter what he thinks. You're letting him lay a guilt trip on you. Don't bring the topic up again; he sounds like a whiny, drama queen. So sorry, take a breath and go do something nice for yourself today!

 

Well, I didn't know I wouldn't have to work with chemicals when I first was thinking about it. That was the main reason I went to talk to this other woman who is in that position. Once she told me that I knew outright that I wasn't applying.

 

He is so naive about work and stuff. He's never had to keep set hours. He's had two jobs in his life and they were both jobs where he basically got to do whatever he wanted. He even told me that when he was interning in college he used to look at porn and go in the bathroom and masturbate... all while being paid for it. Wow...

[Blackened]

I don't think anything is wrong. It sounds like a normal conversation. I don't think you should be so worked up. He said everything was fine. I know I didn't hear the tone in which things were said, but I'm pretty certain you're worried over nothing and he's completely forgotten the conversation by now.

 

Yea I am probably worried over nothing. I did get snippy with him at one point. But that's bound to happen once in a while I suppose.