Should I be thinking about myself?

[d0620]

I have decided to officially go NC? I do have a few questions and I don't mind the frankness.

 

He is in the hospital and has been for 4 days now. I spent time with him for two full days and for a couple hours on Monday since then he has requested that I not come back to the hospital unless I call first. He called me Tuesday morning and stated he would call me later on what time to come up there and he never called for the rest of the day. I didn't call to follow up because if he wanted me there he would call. He is not my bf, although he keeps it this way so he could do whatever he wants and not feel guilty. I know its wrong, and I've stayed anyway. I have attempted NC at least 2 other times, however he called me everyday and I just give in because I love him. The longest in a year was 30 days and he broke it by contacting me. Usually during NC, I tell him I am moving on and he calls me anyway. I block him and he calls me from another number.

 

I assume that the reason he doesn't want me up there is because he knows that other women will be coming up there to see him and he doesnt want me there. Now for my questions.

 

1. Is it fair to go NC while he is in the hospital?

2. Is it unreasonable for him to expect SOME privacy during this time for him to spend time with family and friends without me there?

3. Should I be thinking about my own feelings while he is in the hospital with broken ribs and he lost a car in the accident? I am sure he must be going through a lot of grief right now.

4. He has always been a loner type of guy at tough times, so I really don't know if the females are the reason he doesn't want me up there or is it really to get some rest and be alone.

Edited May 22, 2013 by d0620

[youngnlove89]

1. Is it fair to go NC while he is in the hospital? The only person you should be worrying about is yourself. Is it fair to you? YES.

 

2. Is it unreasonable for him to expect SOME privacy during this time for him to spend time with family and friends without me there? This is irrelevant, but I'll still answer. He doesn't want you there. He feels like he has to make time for you or else he will lose you and then won't have you when he is needy and lonely.

 

3. Should I be thinking about my own feelings while he is in the hospital with broken ribs and he lost a car in the accident? I am sure he must be going through a lot of grief right now. You most definitely should! That is exactly what he would do. Doesn't matter what situation he is in, you need to walk away from him. Stop feeling sorry for him. He is a callous SOB.

 

4. He has always been a loner type of guy at tough times, so I really don't know if the females are the reason he doesn't want me up there or is it really to get some rest and be alone. Loner? You told me has all these girls visiting him. He is rolling in the vagina, you are just one of them. All signs point to PLAYER.

 

 

 

You already got my PM, but I still think EVERYONE on here will say the same exact thing. Walk in that room, punch him in the face, leave and never talk to him again. And then go buy yourself some ice-cream.

[BrokenHeartsClub]

Sounds to me like your the girl he keeps around so he's never completely alone.

 

If he has other friends and family visiting him (especially other women) then he has plenty of support.

 

Worry about yourself right now. If I were you I would go NC and STAY there. If he's in the hospital you know he wont be showing up right? All he can do is call. Keep him in NC till your sure he really knows what he wants and if you don't think he's ever going to make up his mind, which it sounds like he's not, then move on.

 

I'm sure you can find someone out there who's amped to be with you, rather than this push pull crap.

[aisuru]

Change your number and lose his.

 

Problem solved.

 

If you don't respect yourself, why should he????

[BustedUpInside]

1. Is it fair to go NC while he is in the hospital?

2. Is it unreasonable for him to expect SOME privacy during this time for him to spend time with family and friends without me there?

3. Should I be thinking about my own feelings while he is in the hospital with broken ribs and he lost a car in the accident? I am sure he must be going through a lot of grief right now.

4. He has always been a loner type of guy at tough times, so I really don't know if the females are the reason he doesn't want me up there or is it really to get some rest and be alone.

 

Answers to your questions:

1. Yes, but even if it was unfair it is still the best thing for you to do right now. You can't worry about him anymore. He is an adult and can take care of himself. You need to put yourself first.

2. Who cares? You won't be talking to him anymore so whatever his expectations are, those are his problem.

3. You should always be thinking about your own feelings, but specifically in this situation, you should ONLY be thinking about your feelings. You have got to make yourself the most important person in your life right now. He may be going through some difficult times but he has made it obvious that he has a support system so you don't need to worry about him coping

4. Who cares? His social life, or lack of, are entirely his fault and you don't need to be responsible for making sure he has one anymore. You should make sure that you have a social life. That is your new goal.

[d0620]

I should play my position until he gets better because

A. They said I have stayed around this long what's the point in waiting 3-4 more weeks until he is better. They say leave when he gets better and he will always have my back and think highly of me.

B. They believe he does have women in and out of the hospital but he is a high profile powerful guy so its expected that all people from his past and old friends are coming to the hospital and he doesn't want me to be there. My friends believe he is doing it to be respectful of me. They say its not fair for him to turn people away that he has known for me.

C. They think I should play my role and just be there when he needs me. I should put my emotions aside and focus on his accident and getting him better.

 

Two days he said he would call me back later and I have not received any calls. I have only heard excuses the next morning. My plan is to try not to focus on him at this time and if he calls just talk and be cool. I am not going to ask to see him anymore. When he gets out the hospital I am going to get my IPad and then I am going to start in limited contact until he is better at least I can spare my own feelings and emotions.

[aisuru]

I should play my position until he gets better because

A. They said I have stayed around this long what's the point in waiting 3-4 more weeks until he is better. They say leave when he gets better and he will always have my back and think highly of me.

B. They believe he does have women in and out of the hospital but he is a high profile powerful guy so its expected that all people from his past and old friends are coming to the hospital and he doesn't want me to be there. My friends believe he is doing it to be respectful of me. They say its not fair for him to turn people away that he has known for me.

C. They think I should play my role and just be there when he needs me. I should put my emotions aside and focus on his accident and getting him better.

 

Two days he said he would call me back later and I have not received any calls. I have only heard excuses the next morning. My plan is to try not to focus on him at this time and if he calls just talk and be cool. I am not going to ask to see him anymore. When he gets out the hospital I am going to get my IPad and then I am going to start in limited contact until he is better at least I can spare my own feelings and emotions.

 

If he's such a high profile powerful guy, he should have his own ipad already. You were overly kind loaning yours out.

 

I fear you are overly invested and deluding yourself from the reality of this situation. But we'll be here when you need us.

[siankat]

hahaha totally agree with all the comments and yet....i would never take the advice. my ex cheated online, i dumped him, 2 months later he gets electrocuted ends up in hospital, i offer practical help, hes also a loner, says hes fine etc but thanks

 

i broke nc for that and will never regret it because the thing i worry about most above all else is keeping my own integrity and standards i have set in myself, and my humanity as a human being. i knew him, well, of course i would reach out! i could handle the break in nc

[youngnlove89]

I should play my position until he gets better because

A. They said I have stayed around this long what's the point in waiting 3-4 more weeks until he is better. They say leave when he gets better and he will always have my back and think highly of me.

B. They believe he does have women in and out of the hospital but he is a high profile powerful guy so its expected that all people from his past and old friends are coming to the hospital and he doesn't want me to be there. My friends believe he is doing it to be respectful of me. They say its not fair for him to turn people away that he has known for me.

C. They think I should play my role and just be there when he needs me. I should put my emotions aside and focus on his accident and getting him better.

 

Two days he said he would call me back later and I have not received any calls. I have only heard excuses the next morning.

 

You do REALIZE that the "role" or "position" you are participating in is to be a DOORMAT, right? For him to wipe off his dirty soles and walk into the door of someone else's life, right?

 

By all means, dear, if you are happy to be a mat to wipe off dirty shoes, go ahead, do it. But don't come on here pretending to play victim. You are allowing it.

Edited May 22, 2013 by youngnlove89

[d0620]

I am going to go NC, and just block him from my cellphone. When I asked him why he hadn't called in two day for me to see him, he gave an ignorant response such as come now while there are blood tubes etc. I said I can't because visitor hours are over and he sent me empty bubbles. It's unfortunate that I can't even type messages from home because he has my IPAD. His job gave him an iPad but its wifi only and hospitals don't have wifi. I am at the point where he can keep the IPAD for now and I will get it some time down the line. I need my sanity so I need to start today and NOW. These first days are going to be rough but if I cut him off my cellphone at least I know he will not be calling so there will be nothing to look forward to. I am so sad.