I think my wife is codependent - what do I do?

[Va_dad]

And yes, I originally wrote this up as an unregistered member, so it might post twice Sorry about that.

 

Hope I'm in the right forum - if not - feel free to point me somewhere else.

 

So, to make a long story short - and yes, I could type for hours - here it is in a nutshell.

 

I'm at my wit's end. I started reading "Codependent No More" - and the initial 'story' was my wife - to a T.

 

I don't want to fix my wife. I just want her to be happy, and that's not going to happen while she's trapped in this codependent state.

 

And, of course, our interactions and our relationship are stuck in limbo. We're in therapy, but it's going slowly, because my wife initiated it (this time) expecting her anger at me to be validated and the therapist to focus on making me change.

 

It's not being validated - the therapist is focusing on her.

 

So, today, I sit here and I don't know what to do. How do I interact with someone who is codependent?

 

Everything I'm doing certainly isn't working, and I'm really wondering if the relationship can be salvaged.

 

-V

[Stone]

God I wish i knew more about this!! I was ordered to go to Co Dependant no more but I can't go untill next week... I am not sure I really know what this means.. All I know is I always choose needy men and I need to stop..If you could educate me about the subject I would appreicate it.

[Moose]

You both should check out Alanon. It's for co-dependants dealing with alcoholism, BUT, it covers all co-dependancies.

[Va_dad]

Yes, Stoneheather, I can absolutely recommend Codependent No More

 

But, it's not helping me much, I'm the needy man

 

Or, at least I was, long ago, like 10 years ago . . . (And I was never abusive, never alcoholic, never chemically dependent.)

 

Now, her father was the first two of those three, so I see what the roots of the behaviour are.

 

So, Moose - Alanon for me?

 

-V

[Moose]

Sure, it would definitley give you insight as to what your wife is going through.

[Stone]

As I am reasurching this subject I have noticed that alot of it is blamed on learned childhood behavior