Two in a half months post break up with Married man...mind is still spinning. :(

[bambiwboone]

This may be winded but I need to get this off my chest. First, I am not proud of my actions. A part of me always likes to think I can't control who I fell for, but I could control how far I took it and it will forever haunt me.

Two years ago I met the MM he was my cousins husbands..sisters husband..yeah. His wife and I were friends, but him and I hit it off better. We chatted on facebook. He was to the first to come on to me. I am and was married too. He was friends with my husband before I ever met him. He would constantly say sexual thins, flirt, be goofy with me. I never paid much attention to it. Until my marriage started to take a bad turn. Then him and I talked more, eventually we ended up kissing after the bar closed one night. I felt terrible confessed, we stopped talking. Then we started talking again secretively ( as the spouses did not want us around eachother after the kissing thing) It escalated to being flirty, then sexual, then we met up, started talking to each other via text, messenger, Facebook..ALL day from 7-3...eventually all day and night. We would see each other once a week, then it became three times a week. At first I was his support system, he would fight bi daily with his wife and she would threat divorce, he didn't want that s he knew the consequences of divorce financially and with his child. But after awhile he stopped caring about her threats. He started talking about how happy I made him. How much he thought about me and how he couldn't get me out of his mind. I was the first thing he thought about everyday. He then began to talk about me moving in with him if his wife did leave. He's started asking about my kids, which was NOT a topic we talked about, about how our famlies could merge together. Eventually, our relationship started getting pretty serious, to the point where I couldn't take the hiding and sneaking and thought I deserved better. It was time for him to make a choice, he agreed. He came over to my house that night and he had a plan worked out how we could go about being together. It was a week night and we talked rather late..early into the morning...3:30, which in turned caused a war when he got home. This war his wife drug his 12 year old daughter into and he completely jumped ship on me, said that his daughter was texting him, he wanted to work things out for his daughter. This is just three days after he told me how much he needed me, how happy I made him, how he didn't want to live without me. I was devastated. We went at it back and forth, it was not very pretty he said he wanted to meet that Sunday to talk. At that point I had had it. I emailed the wife and told her it all. Safe to say come Monday, his phone number was changed, Facebook deleted, he told me he wanted me out of his life forever. All I wanted was some closure. But I was cut off like that.

So I had a rough first month. I broke down one drunken night and emailed him. His wife replied of course. Then I just moved on, not easily and thought of him everyday but I got t a point where I was okay. About two weeks ago his wife went out of state for a week. He chose to stir the pot. First I was at a bar and he was there with all of his friends. We did not speak, but he blatently stared at me. Obviously. Then he was sitting behind my friend and I and apparently was listening to our conversation ( which wasn't about him, he thought it was) got madd through his cup and sped off. Then the next day he was watching his nieces softball game who was playing my daughters team, in which I coach, the whole time he was staring right at me. I stared back, as I just missed him. He went by my house at 1 am, I live on a well lighted main road and could see his car with his stupid stick family on the back window ( yes the wife thought that would be cute to put on there) . He would go by my house on his lunch break turn around go back by. And the big one, I was sitting on my sofa watching t.v at 11 pm and I get a text, from an aol email address, from someone claiming to be a random name, I got on my email and emailed them back. They went on to ask me questions ..and it all seemed odd. So I pulled the Ip off the email and stuck it aside. Recently, I got into another fight with his wife over his sister in law running her mouth, I have an app called Spypig on my email so when I emailed her back I get an email stating when she checked it and the ip address she checked it from, turns out her husband was the one who made a fake email to message me while she was gone. Crazy!! Means he's the one who ended it with me. Why would he do that? What point? He didn't even say who it was,

he was just asking me random questions.

I called him out on it. His wife caught wind and then he gets on the chat conversations with his wife and me started deleting my messages before she could read them. Then when she blocked him out of the account she still didn't believe me! He was messaging me he don't or never will have any feelings for me. To leave him alone. So forth. Said the Ip address was probably from one of my "dating sites" SAY WHAT!!!???? Prick. Then he called me! I hadn't talked to him for 2.5 months and he calls, I am like I know you did it , you know did it and he replies "so what if I did it." I was like, "then tell her you did it." Simple as that. I told him I hated him ( lie) and he ruined my life. He told me he never hated me and still don't. He tried to talk about what happened between us but I told him it was no use, he was on her phone and I assumed she was listening.

He has always been so willing to treat me like complete ****, yet I still am in crazy love with this man. I think about him more than I don't. I don't know how to let go and when I start to he comes back around. What really kills me is someone told me that they are putting their house up for rent and they are going to leave town, that hurts me. Knowing I wont even run into him ever again. With the fake email...and the stalking....who goes through all that trouble if they don't care? Note we didn't have an overly sexual realationship, he had issues in that department, we did some things, but our romance was more emotional. How do I let it go? Any married men who have had an OW have any advice on what is going through his mind?

[bambiwboone]

Oh I agree. Nothing is healthy about either of us. I came clean to my husband. I actually seperated with him for most of our affair. Once it became serious. We have been sperated for about five months-my husband and I. My husband hopes I will come back to him. I love him, he has been a hell of a rock lately. More that I would of been if put in his shoes, But I don't feel like I can move forward with healing our marriage if I'm still in love with this man. I often wish I could erase his memory. "eternal sunshine of the spotless human mind"

[bambiwboone]

It was a lame comment, but she put it on there a week after her husband I ended it. It just was a little thing that irritated me. We are are grown adults who knows and knew what we did was wrong. At that time, we felt we were desperately confused. Maybe you are right, maybe it wasn't love at all. Just a sick obsession between the two of us. Who knows.

[bambiwboone]

I have called the cops on him for his stalking. I was going to put a restraining order but the lawyer said that I had to get the cops involved first. Since I was fighting back and forth with her, that was a no go in the cops eyes. Even though his nutty ass made up a fake email. I have never had anyone do anything like that before. Just to screw with my head apparently. He has my head spinning all the time. But we are at the point where we CANNOT talk to each other. If they move all the better. If I could erase the good memories and stop idolizing him, I think I could do better.

[bambiwboone]

You just said for word what my friends say. We both did destroy allot. He isn't nice to me. Your words are very wise. Thank you:)