Jump to content

Do people ask you if you are gay when you have no success with women?

Necris

By Necris
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
Posted

I don't know why, but I noticed people assume that something must be wrong with you, or you are gay if you've never been with a girl before.

 

Even my own parents seem to think I'm weird or possibly a closet gay.

 

For instance today I talked to my dad and the conversation somehow lead to me living alone and never even having a girlfriend in my entire life, and then he goes on to say "you know if you ever feel like coming out of the closet you can." Normally I would take this as a joke, but he's said this before a few times so I'm beginning to think he actually thinks I'm gay.

 

For those of you who also have no success with women do you also get people assuming you are weird/crazy, asexual, or homosexual as well?

zanzi Established Member

zanzi

Posted
Posted

I know my man wishes I swung both ways.

well, are you not having sex because of religious beliefs like you said or do you feel no desire to have sex with a women/several women?

If its the first one, don't worry about it. I would be pretty offended if it was me being asked that if I was male.

JuneJulySeptember Established Member

JuneJulySeptember

Posted
Posted
I don't know why, but I noticed people assume that something must be wrong with you, or you are gay if you've never been with a girl before.

 

Even my own parents seem to think I'm weird or possibly a closet gay.

 

For instance today I talked to my dad and the conversation somehow lead to me living alone and never even having a girlfriend in my entire life, and then he goes on to say "you know if you ever feel like coming out of the closet you can." Normally I would take this as a joke, but he's said this before a few times so I'm beginning to think he actually thinks I'm gay.

 

For those of you who also have no success with women do you also get people assuming you are weird/crazy, asexual, or homosexual as well?

 

I used to when I was younger. Mostly from guys. I was less aggressive than I am now, and guys sometimes used to imply I was gay because I couldn't get women. I felt they were mostly joking though.

 

Not really ever from women though. I think they felt my lack of success was just tied to my lack of attractiveness.

USMCHokie Established Member

USMCHokie

Posted
Posted

I've never been asked or mistaken as gay by a guy, but have had a few women ask.

carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted
For those of you who also have no success with women do you also get people assuming you are weird/crazy, asexual, or homosexual as well?

 

I have a 51yo male friend who's never been married and seldom has a girlfriend and, indeed, it's not uncommon for conversation in our social circle to touch upon curiosity about his sexual orientation. That's probably because most of the guys are his age and older and have been 'sexually active' since they were teenagers. To them, he's 'weird'. My opinion differs because my life experience has been different. Still, speculation does go on.

Pompeii Established Member

Pompeii

Posted
Posted

I've been questioned repeatedly by my family members why I don't have a girlfriend and my dad has doubts about my sexuality.

Ninjainpajamas Established Member

Ninjainpajamas

Posted
Posted

Yes, your sexual orientation will be questioned if you never are w a woman because that's not considered "normal" behavior....they're trying to figure out what's wrong w you or why you are that way.

 

I've heard both women and men labelled as asexual or possibly gay for being single too long or never w the opposite sex.

 

However I've seen asexual women at least w men usually just to receive "love" and affection/attention.. Men tend to become more of a hermit, since men have to typically be the aggressor, it's easier for men to just sink into that abyss alone...it's not like women are going to come after you for your penis. Although I'm not saying women can't achieve the same solitary confinement...as both men and women who do that sort of behavior tend to let themselves go or not prioritize superficial aspects which are important in dating.

 

You could always try expressing yourself and letting people know you have trouble in the dating word or what not...but without any feedback people will generally assume the worse/drastic reason.

  • Like 1
Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted

Well I'm Bi and gender non-conforming so gay and straight people are often wrong about my orientation.

 

It is simply as other people have said. It is a cultural norm that you would have been with a woman by now. Since you haven't been, and the only kind of non-standard sexuality most people know of is "gay", that is what they think. It might just be that you have a lower sex drive than most people. That is also a legit way to be.

 

 

 

 

It really says more about most of those people in relationship after relationship or married to people they don't really like that much. Either they are so horny that they can't live without sex or so afraid of being alone that they can't stand to be without somebody.

  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Not one person has ever mistaken me for gay, ever.

 

Not even back in my shy days.

 

OP, are you sure that you aren't gay? I'm not trying to judge, but maybe there's a subconscious reason why you haven't been with a woman yet.

 

I know I'm not gay. I have no attraction to men.

 

Women simply aren't ever interested in me, even though I'm interested in them. A concept that sounds foreign to many it seems.

Mrlonelyone Established Member

Mrlonelyone

Posted
Posted
I know I'm not gay. I have no attraction to men.

 

Women simply aren't ever interested in me, even though I'm interested in them. A concept that sounds foreign to many it seems.

 

 

 

There's the thing. Most people are so hungry for some sex and companionship that they will settle for whoever is interested in them at the moment. They lower and lower their standards until there is a taker. OR they have casual sex where they can get it if they for some reason are attractive enough but aren't "relationship matterial".

 

 

Perhaps our vulgar time simply dose not understand your conviction to not have sex outside of a relationship with that one special lady. Good luck finding her, most married men didn't.

  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I know my man wishes I swung both ways.

well, are you not having sex because of religious beliefs like you said or do you feel no desire to have sex with a women/several women?

If its the first one, don't worry about it. I would be pretty offended if it was me being asked that if I was male.

 

Well the being virgin part is because sex outside of marriage is a sin.

 

Anyway the part people don't get is the whole never had a relationship, never kissed a girl, rarely ever go on dates (1-2 a year, though this is because I'm usually rejected before a date), and the most physical contact I ever had with a woman is a friendly hug and the last time that happened was years ago, I rarely ever even touch a hand.

 

It is however annoying how somehow this just means I'm gay, instead of just not very good with the ladies.

  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I just can't believe that not one girl has ever been interested in you ever.

 

Well there was a girl that acted flirty with me at the time we were both 13 though that girl acted flirty with everyone around.

 

I do however meet seemingly nice girls from time to time but it always turns out they were just friendly but never actually interested in me.

 

So yeah no, I never had any real interest from women ever.

  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
No way. You must be missing the signs or something.

 

I've never met anybody (not even my most awkward friends) that have never had even one girl interested in them.

 

Not even a fatty?

 

If there were women interested in me they were certainly pros at hiding it, because I can't recall any interest anywhere.

 

It's unlikely I would ignore interest instead I have the problem of believing interest is there when its not.

 

Also no, larger women aren't interested in me either.

 

The size of the girl has no bearing on how attracted she is to me. A 250lb woman may still find me undesireable.

 

Some people have this notion that unattractive women will just go for any man, but this is idea is false, regardless of how attractive she seems to you she still has her own ideas of an attractive man, and if you don't fit her ideas you will still be rejected.

  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
Yes, your sexual orientation will be questioned if you never are w a woman because that's not considered "normal" behavior....they're trying to figure out what's wrong w you or why you are that way.

 

I've heard both women and men labelled as asexual or possibly gay for being single too long or never w the opposite sex.

 

However I've seen asexual women at least w men usually just to receive "love" and affection/attention.. Men tend to become more of a hermit, since men have to typically be the aggressor, it's easier for men to just sink into that abyss alone...it's not like women are going to come after you for your penis. Although I'm not saying women can't achieve the same solitary confinement...as both men and women who do that sort of behavior tend to let themselves go or not prioritize superficial aspects which are important in dating.

 

You could always try expressing yourself and letting people know you have trouble in the dating word or what not...but without any feedback people will generally assume the worse/drastic reason.

 

I can see how my experiences and behavior are abnormal to many people. Just look at the statistics over 90% of men have had sex by 16 and most guys have been in a relationship of some sort so I would be considered odd. But I don't see how that would seem gay or crazy.

Edited by Necris
ChessPieceFace Established Member

ChessPieceFace

Posted
Posted
today I talked to my dad and the conversation somehow lead to me living alone and never even having a girlfriend in my entire life, and then he goes on to say "you know if you ever feel like coming out of the closet you can."

 

My sincere apologies. Can't believe your dad is that insensitive.

 

If anyone said that to me they'd be carried out of the building on a stretcher. I think people I know know that, so wouldn't say that to me.

 

You seem to post a lot of threads like these with horribly negative musings about yourself and how much you've given up. Now I'm wondering how much of it was from negative messages like that from your parents? Something to think about.

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

Posted
Posted
For instance today I talked to my dad and the conversation somehow lead to me living alone and never even having a girlfriend in my entire life, and then he goes on to say "you know if you ever feel like coming out of the closet you can."

 

If your dad is open to the idea of you being gay, perhaps he'd be open to having a conversation along the lines of "I'm not gay, but I can't get any girl to be interested."

 

He's known you longer than us, so perhaps he could give you a few pointers?

  • Like 2
  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
My sincere apologies. Can't believe your dad is that insensitive.

 

If anyone said that to me they'd be carried out of the building on a stretcher. I think people I know know that, so wouldn't say that to me.

 

You seem to post a lot of threads like these with horribly negative musings about yourself and how much you've given up. Now I'm wondering how much of it was from negative messages like that from your parents? Something to think about.

 

Nah, my dad being insensitive is regular, any noticeable flaws in a person will be picked at, so I don't really take what he says to heart. Though it is interesting how accusations made by him of me being gay seems to be getting more common so he may actually believe I'm secretly gay or something.

 

I was just wondering why people seem to think lack of success with women = gay. Since I've had other people before say the same thing in some way.

 

As for general negativity in messages I use Love Shack mainly to vent, and it just seems as time goes on this whole dating/pursuing a relationship thing just seems to be becoming more and more impossible it has nothing to do with my parents or anything. Talking to my dad on the phone though isn't all that helpful however.

  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
If your dad is open to the idea of you being gay, perhaps he'd be open to having a conversation along the lines of "I'm not gay, but I can't get any girl to be interested."

 

He's known you longer than us, so perhaps he could give you a few pointers?

If I were gay he'd be incredibly disappointed he's already thinking that I'm going to be alone and he'll never have grandchildren.

 

Unfortunately I haven't gotten much advice in the dating arena that was all that useful from my dad, and I've actually asked him about dating advice way back when I used to be a highschool student.

 

His advice consisted of things like "bang fat chicks for practice" and hit on every attractive girl you come across and maybe one might be interested. Unlike me meeting women just came naturally for him so it's difficult to give really good advice to someone who struggles in an arena that you find elementary.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

Posted
Posted

For those of you who also have no success with women do you also get people assuming you are weird/crazy, asexual, or homosexual as well?

I'm very private about my dating life and don't happen to have sex with any tom, dick and harry so some guys will try to coerce me into stuff (either to confessing to what I'm up to or apply pressure on me to have sex with them) by asking whether I'm a lesbian. I just say 'no but you could turn me into one' and laugh. A lot of people are idiots in this world.

  • Like 2
Mr_Flay Established Member

Mr_Flay

Posted
Posted

If a girl asks if you're gay, you need only tell her that you aren't, and that you're ready to prove it to her. *wink* *nudge* ;)

Mr_Flay Established Member

Mr_Flay

Posted
Posted
If a guy asks you if you're gay, do the exact same thing. ;)

 

Although in that case the "proof" in question would take on a slightly different form. :laugh:

  • Like 1
ltjg45 Established Member

ltjg45

Posted
Posted

Well, yes and no.

 

I tend to get more gay males approaching me and, frankly, that is quite disturbing. Despite telling them that I'm straight and I will always remain that way, they tend to get a bit more aggressive towards me regardless.

 

One day, one of those "things" is going to feel my wrath. I got no tolerance for this nonsense.

sillyanswer Established Member

sillyanswer

Posted
Posted
If I were gay he'd be incredibly disappointed he's already thinking that I'm going to be alone and he'll never have grandchildren.

 

Unfortunately I haven't gotten much advice in the dating arena that was all that useful from my dad, and I've actually asked him about dating advice way back when I used to be a highschool student.

 

Sounds like time to talk to him again, then!

ThaWholigan Established Member

ThaWholigan

Posted
Posted

Yeah, I got asked quite a few times. Just say no :laugh:. I didn't have too much problem telling the truth. And yeah, I got a lot of vague advice too. You'll figure it out.

  • Author
Necris Established Member

Necris

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Well, yes and no.

 

I tend to get more gay males approaching me and, frankly, that is quite disturbing. Despite telling them that I'm straight and I will always remain that way, they tend to get a bit more aggressive towards me regardless.

 

One day, one of those "things" is going to feel my wrath. I got no tolerance for this nonsense.

 

Now while I have been asked if I'm gay by girls and guys before I've never actually been approached by a gay guy before.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...