commitment phobe that was super nice before break up and now treats me like crap

[rice patty]

has anyone come to terms with how to deal with some one that was a super nice person before the breakup and now literally looks away with disgust and slams the door in your face like u r the lowest form of life on earth?

 

i dated a commitment phobe that ended badly. in short, he was really nice and very encouraging to me before we dated. we got together due to a miscommunication. from the very beginning he communicated that he wasnt looking for a 'headache' relationship. i was still taking it easy, but was ecstatic that he liked me too. he was controlling during the relationship and would never reveal too much. it ended because he didnt want to have sex with me (through out the two months, we only had sex once) and controlled when we saw each other. even tho he was adament about his position with his view on a relationship, he would call me, wish me happy valentines day before and after work, text, etc. our final dates always included him asking why im not nice to him. i later texted and explained that being anymore nicer to you would mean that you are my boy friend and i know he doesnt want that, and im not ready for that whole heartedly. he then said he doesnt want a relationship and just shut me out.

 

because we sorta work together we see each other here and there...but he has never even been cordial to me. anything he says is mean or he just looks at me with disgust. he literally slammed the door on me today and didnt even bother to look back.

 

its been almost three months since we separated, and we only dated for two. i dont understand how someone can go from nice to douche over night. i dont think i did anything bad.

 

and the weird thing is the last time i saw him (before this time when he slammed the door on me) i caught him staring at me. was that a stare down?

 

i dont know what to do...i just wish nothing happened between us, that my crush for him would have faded, and that we can talk like we did before. i miss the friendship, and i wish he didnt hate me this much.

 

any insight?

[mishy]

I am sorry if i am way off. But when you said you only had sex once, is there any possibility that he is gay?

 

Its just that i have had involvements with men that turned out to be gay, and i know how confusing it is for both parties.

 

And when you speak of the disgust, well maybe, its about his confusion?

 

i dont know, this is what jumps out at me with your story

[aisuru]

Actually, if you read what you wrote, even the relationship doesn't sound that nice.

 

You're better off without him. Find a guy who likes you for you and wants to be with you.

 

You'll be better off!!

[forgetmenot75]

Run!!! And don't look back.

[rice patty]

i know...and i wish i could...but im going to see him every so often like once a month. it was a mistake that i made but i wish he was more mature about it.

 

but hes not gay...even though we only had sex once, every time we see each other its obvious he cant keep his hands off of me. which is why its so strange. he like the intimacy but through his words, hes always pulling away. i actually wanted to end it because it was to frustrating for me, and i never showed any type of dependency on him. thats when i told him i have to keep my guard up. then he disappeared and claimed that i was a headache.

 

but i turned my back on the situation and am trying to run. but i find myself walking away slowly and taking a glance back once in a while to validate my worth. as sad as it sounds.

[aisuru]

i know...and i wish i could...but im going to see him every so often like once a month. it was a mistake that i made but i wish he was more mature about it.

 

but hes not gay...even though we only had sex once, every time we see each other its obvious he cant keep his hands off of me. which is why its so strange. he like the intimacy but through his words, hes always pulling away. i actually wanted to end it because it was to frustrating for me, and i never showed any type of dependency on him. thats when i told him i have to keep my guard up. then he disappeared and claimed that i was a headache.

 

but i turned my back on the situation and am trying to run. but i find myself walking away slowly and taking a glance back once in a while to validate my worth. as sad as it sounds.

 

I understand.

 

You have to stop glancing back though. Look forward and find your future. You'll find somebody better.

 

I promise.

[rice patty]

aisuru - thank you for your encouragement. after today, i decided that any man right now would just be a rebound and a distraction...i just need to figure things out on my own. dont want to be selfish...id rather just hang out by myself and try to be happy for now..

[aisuru]

aisuru - thank you for your encouragement. after today, i decided that any man right now would just be a rebound and a distraction...i just need to figure things out on my own. dont want to be selfish...id rather just hang out by myself and try to be happy for now..

 

It's a good sign you can recognize this. It's okay to take time after a relationship to analyze. Just don't dwell... easier said than done I know.

 

You figure out what worked, what didn't worked, heal your heart, AND THEN you move on.

 

That's just life. And our never ending desire to find "THE ONE."

 

HA

[rice patty]

You know, why do we do things that will end up biting us in the butt knowingly?

 

After what happened the other day, it really bothered me after how he treated me. I worked up the courage to text him asking him why he is still so angry. In my head I'm trying to figure out whether he hates me or not. Of course. He never bothered to reply. I guess I am scum of the earth to him and not worth any ounce of energy. I guess he really does hate me that much and feels that it's justified that he has to make my life miserable too. I guess he really can't be mature and professional about anything at all and will always make it a point to hurt me whenever he can.

 

I know I did nothing to deserve this but this total 180 just cuts like a knife. I'm so mad at myself for basically taking 50 steps back. All the healing that I have done just went down the drain. So much has been happening lately that I think I'm going to lose my mind. The only ppl that hit on me r married douche bags. The one person that I thought genuinely liked me for me turns out to be a lying deceiving hateful jerk. Ive lost so much faith in ppl lately that really the only solitude I have to just hiding in a cave. I'm so pissed at myself for being so weak and stupid for reaching out, thinking maybe he's hurting too and perhaps we can talk it out and have things be normal again. I want things to go back to December when nothing happened and everything was still good. We never went out, we never bonded, etc. ppl say everyone happnens for a reason but I really don't see what could be the benefit of this. I wish I still didn't see him in rose colored lenses. Can someone just give me amnesia!!