Butterflying Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I started dating this guy a three months ago. We had a talk today about being exclusive. He says he's ready. Everything seems fine. I'm ready too. However, I've never checked his Facebook page before because I didn't want to see anything that makes me question him. But today I did because I thought it would help me know the guy I'm getting involved with. There is a woman, he has never mentioned her. She likes & comments on all his post. It's usually something cheesy. Like yesterday he left for a business trip and posted a picture of the aircraft. She commented with a wink "always on the run." Then he made a joke about chasing money. She liked it. On her page there is a recent photo of her with friends at her birthday party. It was two weeks ago. And it's at his house. She also has many other pictures with her friends in his house. And she mentions him a lot. It appears she is more into him than he is in her because he never liked her post & never comments unless she asks his opinion (which she does often). What should I think of this? Should I bring this to his attention? I don't want to be insecure this early without good reason. He has told me about most of his friends & ex's. Do you think this woman is an ex? Are they still dating?
mortensorchid Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 You've been seeing this guy for 3 months, 2 weeks ago he was at the woman in question's birthday party, and you didn't know about it until just when you saw the Facebook page? Well ... I guess there's nothing to worry about, but I would think by now you would've met at least one friend, right? Has he ever mentioned her in conversation or otherwise? It could be nothing, they could just be good friends.
Author Butterflying Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 When we first met he mentioned he had been dating, but not exclusive with anyone. I've met his friends, but no ex's. I can't recall if that girl is one of the ex's or not. But regardless I wonder why she was at a party at his house recently & I wasn't invited. But judging by the pictures, none of our mutual friends were there either. More than that I'm curious why she likes everything he post. What kind of person does that? Even if she's his girlfriend, why the need to get so much attention? It's like she's making it clear that she is a part if his life. But his status is single. Hers is too.
Author Butterflying Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 We don't live together. He has fronds over all the time without me. But he usually says who it is (colleagues, guys, or anyone). I'm always invited to the anyone parties. I don't want to hang out with his colleagues or guys. So I wonder if this woman is a colleague. He did say he was having them over around that time. Maybe that's why he never mentioned her. But why does she seem obsessed with him on Facebook?
Emilia Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Maybe that's why he never mentioned her. But why does she seem obsessed with him on Facebook? Because they are probably cousins or some other innocent explanation. What matters is that he isn't responding in kind. 2
CryForNoOne Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 I just laugh when how facebook is causing problems. For crying out loud it's facebook. People are addicted to that stuff and will do things and say things they wouldn't normally do in real life. Ah I remember the good ole days when you actually used to have to say, do, or not do something to get in a fight. Now all it takes is being tagged by someone else one too many times... 1
Babolat Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 Thus my aversion to facebook.... In my last relationship I told her I did not want to be FB friends, I did not want to learn about her electronically. About 10 months into the relationship she FBed me, I hesitated, but I accepted. Then I got to read all the comments from her male friends over the past years, and since we started dating, when she posted a pic, sometimes a pic with me with her, like "Looking good" or "He is a lucky man" or "Hey Sexy" or "Hey Pretty Girl" or "Looking Great" or "What a Gorgeous photo of you!". She responded with a Thanks or a Like. I trusted her, it just dove me nuts that these male FB friends would post scrap like that. Ironically it was mostly her female friends commenting on the pics of us together, and her male friends of the ones I was not in. To your post, if this concerns you, talk to him about it, but do it gently, do not accuse him, do not put him on the defense, do not make any assumptions.
FitChick Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 To OP: now that you are exclusive, he should start posting lots of photos of the two of you together and his status should be "In a relationship." Let's see if that happens. If she is just a platonic friend, she will "like" it, right?
onthemoon Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 If I were you, I'd become facebook friends with him and casually mention it in conversation, somehow, without sounding jealous if the subject of facebook comes up. Not sure if that's possible, but maybe you can bring it up in jest! I must add that I cannot stand facebook. Fiance friend requested me after our first date, but I honestly wish I had waited until we were exclusive to become friends (which happened two months later). I became increasingly paranoid every time he added a female and wondered if they were my competition. LOL Fiance has a few females on his page, most of them classmates and cousins, but there are casual ex girlfriends (he previously deleted the serious ones) and a few flings on his friends list still. It was easy to spot them as there seemed to be the usual group of women liking each status of his. It was so obvious! As for photos, the usual group of exes will only 'like' his solo photos, but his family and guy/platonic girl friends will 'like' the photos of us as a couple as well. When we announced our engagement on facebook, the same little group of exes remained silent while the rest all congratulated us. Figures! 1
Babolat Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 If I were you, I'd become facebook friends with him and casually mention it in conversation, somehow, without sounding jealous if the subject of facebook comes up. Not sure if that's possible, but maybe you can bring it up in jest! I must add that I cannot stand facebook. Fiance friend requested me after our first date, but I honestly wish I had waited until we were exclusive to become friends (which happened two months later). I became increasingly paranoid every time he added a female and wondered if they were my competition. LOL Fiance has a few females on his page, most of them classmates and cousins, but there are casual ex girlfriends (he previously deleted the serious ones) and a few flings on his friends list still. It was easy to spot them as there seemed to be the usual group of women liking each status of his. It was so obvious! As for photos, the usual group of exes will only 'like' his solo photos, but his family and guy/platonic girl friends will 'like' the photos of us as a couple as well. When we announced our engagement on facebook, the same little group of exes remained silent while the rest all congratulated us. Figures! This sounds like me ex gf. So I wonder if the men who leave the comments I mentioned are exes...or just dudes looming around hoping they can have a chance with her one day? It's not my style to say stuff like that on any of my female friends fb posts/pics...
Author Butterflying Posted May 23, 2013 Author Posted May 23, 2013 I wonder why anyone keeps their ex's as friends on Facebook. As Onthemoon said, I've had previous experience with the girls who only liked a guys pictures & post when they didn't involve another woman. That's why I've decided not to connect with my current boyfriend on the site.
Star Gazer Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 (edited) Are you sure they're not related? ETA: I'm not sure you should be concerned about any woman who pre-dated your exclusivity talk. I'd just be observant from here on out. And, if it makes you uncomfortable, talk to him about it. If you can't have an open discussion about a flirty woman, your relationship won't be able to grow and develop. Edited May 23, 2013 by Star Gazer
Emilia Posted May 23, 2013 Posted May 23, 2013 I wonder why anyone keeps their ex's as friends on Facebook. As Onthemoon said, I've had previous experience with the girls who only liked a guys pictures & post when they didn't involve another woman. That's why I've decided not to connect with my current boyfriend on the site. I do. On LinkedIn too. Have dinner with them too sometimes. Quality people will often stay in your life, nothing wrong with that. Not everyone views life experiences and connections from an insecure perspective. 1
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