Is it just too much? Physical and mental illness, visas and from different countries.

[far_far_away]

I will try and keep this short since I literally just broke up with him and I don’t have my thoughts collected.

 

I also have no support network so I just want someone to tell.

 

It’s extremely complicated, as I know all stories are. I live on the other side of the world from my family, friends and most of all my mum. He is recovering from cancer and I met him in his final stages of treatment. But I was happy here, with him. I was willing to move to his home, become part of his family because he is a great man and I loved him. He believed I was sacrificing everything to be with him and maybe I am but I was willing to risk it for a life of happiness with him.

 

But he couldn't get past it, the idea I was giving up my home and my mum. The idea that I was committing to a visa and a life in a different country for him. We just kept going around in circles. Then three weeks ago, I stood up for myself. I said I was committed to my decision to stay and he needed to figure out what he wanted, and if he doubted us again I would end it. He told me he loved me and he wanted to have my babies and “this was it” and he was committed. I was so happy and we had been amazing.

 

Today I found, a break up “how to” list, that he had written down with his therapist. It was dated ten days ago. I confronted him. He cried and said he didn't know what he wanted but thought he wanted to break up. That he couldn’t commit to the life that I want. That he is treading in quicksand and he is not the same person as he was when we met. But then he started to change his mind and told me how he wanted to be with me. Mostly he just said he didn't know. I tried to stay strong and told him, I deserve someone who loves me as much as I love them that I couldn’t keep doing this as it was breaking my heart.

 

Despite his tears and questions about the future I left.

 

I have NO IDEA what do now. I love him so much. I have no idea what I am doing and no one to talk to. My parents both said…let him be, it sounds like it’s not over see if he comes back. I don’t know if we can go back. I sound like the biggest bitch on the planet, I have loved and supported him and I am so proud to see how much he has grown and thrived in recovery, but I can’t keep putting myself second.

 

I can’t sleep, eat or function. I have already had a panic attack and I start work in a few hours.

 

I am scared because I have lost the greatest man I have even known.

[aisuru]

First of all, take a deep breath.... Better?

 

You did the right thing by leaving. You cannot force somebody to be with you. Sounds like you know that.

 

Keep breathing...

 

Right now your only priority is you. If that means moving to be closer to your support system, consider it. You may need to write a list of things you can do right now to distract yourself and take care of yourself.

 

Take a few days to hurt, and then decide on an action plan for how you will move forward.

 

You will be okay. I promise.

[far_far_away]

Thank you.

 

Breathing helps.

 

I have bad anxiety and my physical response to stress is completely disproportionate. If I could just sleep I could have my mind back and could have my wits about me.

 

I will have to make the decision to move home to my support group as soon as possible because it involves telling my job I don't want the sponsorship visa.

 

My company will be livid, but I don't care. But It will mean I have to give up on the only practical way he and I could be together.

 

I feel like there is a ticking time bomb to make my choice. But maybe I have already made it and I just have to take time to accept it.

[aisuru]

Thank you.

 

Breathing helps.

 

I have bad anxiety and my physical response to stress is completely disproportionate. If I could just sleep I could have my mind back and could have my wits about me.

 

I will have to make the decision to move home to my support group as soon as possible because it involves telling my job I don't want the sponsorship visa.

 

My company will be livid, but I don't care. But It will mean I have to give up on the only practical way he and I could be together.

 

I feel like there is a ticking time bomb to make my choice. But maybe I have already made it and I just have to take time to accept it.

 

Let the anxiety help motivate you.

 

My therapist cracks up now.... because when she first met me, she thought for sure I needed meds to deal with my anxiety. Yet over time, she realized (she told me this almost a year into seeing her) that the anxiety is what drives me and motivates me. When I'm not feeling as much anxiety, I stall out.

 

So for now (not totally healthy), embrace the anxiety.

 

You could certainly decide to remain where you are, but if you are where you are ONLY for this guy... go back to where your support system is.

 

It's okay.

 

This is about having taken a risk. That's okay. Don't allow this experience to prevent you from taking risk. Learn that you can take risk and no matter what, there is a way out.

 

Ya know?

 

Keep posting here. People here are friendly and will comfort you when you need it.

 

You will be okay. You just have to keep repeating that and believing that.

 

You have to take care of you. You are your first priority.

[TaraMaiden]

Learn to differentiate between 'stress' and 'dis-stress'......

 

Stress is what we need to drive forward.

Dis-stress keeps us stuck in rigid fear of taking that step.

 

It's fine to feel distress - just take it, breathe through it and let it settle.

 

Then - hit that gear stick and start driving.

[far_far_away]

Thanks.

 

This is definitely distress - I am non functioning.

 

I need this to settle before I can make any decisions between stay or go.

 

I feel like I am losing my conviction regarding the breakup already. And I need to get through the denial stage as quickly as possible.