sturtel Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I'm new here. I've been trying to cope for the past 12 days with the fact that the man I have been in love with for the last 16 months got married on September 18th. He was supposed to move in with me that week. I found out by seeing a marriage license on an Internet newspaper. Then I checked the major department store bridal registries and they were registered at about 4 or 5 places for a Saturday wedding. I found this out on Friday the 17th. He denied it. Said it wasn't happening. That is was something that had been planned, but was called off. Yeah whatever. He disappeared for the weekend (got married) called me on Monday and told me that he loved me and wanted to meet me. He denied that he got married. I finally confirmed it on Tuesday. I cried and cried. He said he didn't think I loved him that much. He said I was different than anyone he had ever been with and he thought that I would outgrow him. He has 2 children from a previous relationship and needs someone to help him raise them. I didn't have a problem with that. He never gave me a chance. I think he's a sociopath. He has continued to leave me messages. He called me that Wednesday and asked me to call off work so he could lay next to me all day. What a sicko. He told me that sometimes people make a mistake. He can get an anullment or a divorce. Whatever. Yesterday. I stopped taking his calls and told him to leave me alone. There is no future for us. He's married its over. I think he didn't want me to find out that he was getting married and he would just have strung me along forever. He left me some pretty mean messages yesterday because I wouldn't talk to him. By the way he has my $10,000 motorcycle that I bought for him last October. He is holding it hostage and doesn't want to give it back. He says its in the shop. Its only a year old. I'm just in shock. I cry every other day. I was crying everyday so I guess that is progress. What the hell is wrong with this guy?
Merin Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 What a creep show for real! I'm so sorry this happened to you.... Obviously his getting married wasn't out of the blue, he had just been lying to you for some time... What's wrong with him? I have NO idea, and seriously thank God we don't understand HIS way of thinking.... IF the motorcycle is in your name, then tell this sh*thead IF he doesn't give it back to you, you are going to call the police and have them get it for you... and if he doesn't stop calling you, tell him your going to call his wife and tell her about what he's been up to! *Hugs*
YellowLioness Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 Don't try to understand him. The only way you could understand him is if you're crazy like he is. Just leave it alone. He's an insult to "marriage." Find a nice boy who'll treat you right, as my mamma used to say. ****@@@
Author sturtel Posted September 30, 2004 Author Posted September 30, 2004 The bike is in my name. I'm too nice. He says that if he gives it back to me, I'll never talk to him again. Duh! I've just been in such shock. Its like a sudden death. You love someone so dearly and then suddenly he's gone. I know it had to have been planned. What a sham.
gold26 Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 next time he calls pick up.. tell him you want "your" motorcycle.. arrange a place for him to drop it off (with the key) tell im if he does not comply you will have no other option than to show up with the police to take it.. you have the papers in your name.. so you are within your right to take possesion of it..in fact he he has an accident you could still be involved of there was an investigation.. and also if you own it you will registered as the owner and be responsable of the insurance liabity .. then have no more contact with this man.. even change your phone number if you need to..
Author sturtel Posted September 30, 2004 Author Posted September 30, 2004 I know I'm going to have to get evil. He was going to my apartment everyday not going to work for the past couple of weeks. I changed my deadbolt lock last Friday before I went away for a 2 week business trip. I'm waiting to get back home and get the bike. He wasn't too happy that I changed the locks either. Its so hard to walk away from someone. He hasn't called today, but that hurts too. It comes in waves. My heart was racing a few minutes ago and I just felt this awful since of dread. I guess I'm having a panic attack. It hurts to be alone again. I was alone for 3 years before this guy. I guess I probably ignored some red flags because of it. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. I'm trying to tell myself the person I loved is dead. He obviously wasn't that person. How can a man marry someone else and be trying to sleep with me 2 days later telling me he loves me? Crazy. I just can't understand. I'm an honest person and I can't imagine lying like he has. I guess I'm the lucky one. His new wife will have to put up with years of cheating.
Merin Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by sturtel I know I'm going to have to get evil. He was going to my apartment everyday not going to work for the past couple of weeks. I changed my deadbolt lock last Friday before I went away for a 2 week business trip. I'm waiting to get back home and get the bike. He wasn't too happy that I changed the locks either. Its so hard to walk away from someone. He hasn't called today, but that hurts too. It comes in waves. My heart was racing a few minutes ago and I just felt this awful since of dread. I guess I'm having a panic attack. It hurts to be alone again. I was alone for 3 years before this guy. I guess I probably ignored some red flags because of it. I love him more than I've ever loved anyone. I'm trying to tell myself the person I loved is dead. He obviously wasn't that person. How can a man marry someone else and be trying to sleep with me 2 days later telling me he loves me? Crazy. I just can't understand. I'm an honest person and I can't imagine lying like he has. I guess I'm the lucky one. His new wife will have to put up with years of cheating. Girl, it isn't that you are being evil, you are getting back what doesn't belong to him... 1) your bike 2) your dinity and 3) control over your own life. He is a s***head period. It isn't you walking away from him, it is you (if your smart) running like he** and screaming I DESERVE BETTER MORON!!!!! Alllllll the way down the street! Tell this idiot that he has until the end of the weekend to return your bike to you OR he is going to explain to the policia and wifey why he has it. Tell him in addition that you can and WILL call his wife and let her know EXACTLY all the crap he has pulled... even if you didn't save his phone messages, tell his sorry butt you did and tell him you will more than happy to play them back for his wife. Ugggghhh! I want to kick him for you!
Author sturtel Posted September 30, 2004 Author Posted September 30, 2004 Well---- Now that you say that. I did save his phone messages and I let her hear them the Friday when I found out. I found her number on one of his old cellphone bills. SHE MARRIED HIM ANYWAY!!!! I told her how long I had been seing him and let her here him tell me "I'm falling more and more in love with you everyday and want you to be my wife. I want to have a son with you. I want to have a future with you." How could you hear the man you are supposed to marry say that to someone else and marry him anyway. They must both be crazy.
Merin Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 Originally posted by sturtel Well---- Now that you say that. I did save his phone messages and I let her hear them the Friday when I found out. I found her number on one of his old cellphone bills. SHE MARRIED HIM ANYWAY!!!! I told her how long I had been seing him and let her here him tell me "I'm falling more and more in love with you everyday and want you to be my wife. I want to have a son with you. I want to have a future with you." How could you hear the man you are supposed to marry say that to someone else and marry him anyway. They must both be crazy. MG! L L Seriously they are both crazy! Darn it get your bike back at least okay? Thank God she married him and NOT you! :shudders:
Author sturtel Posted September 30, 2004 Author Posted September 30, 2004 I know. God let me find out about the wedding for a reason, so I guess I better use the information to my advantage, run like hell, and get the police to get my bike. I just have a hard time being mean. I know I have no choice. He's not going to give it back willingly. He keeps it in his parents garage. Maybe I should call them and ask their help to get it back first. If I go to the police they'll arrest him for a felony. I'm thinking of his children.
Scott S Posted October 1, 2004 Posted October 1, 2004 Originally posted by sturtel I know. God let me find out about the wedding for a reason, so I guess I better use the information to my advantage, run like hell, and get the police to get my bike. I just have a hard time being mean. I know I have no choice. He's not going to give it back willingly. He keeps it in his parents garage. Maybe I should call them and ask their help to get it back first. If I go to the police they'll arrest him for a felony. I'm thinking of his children. If you're on decent terms with his parents that may be the best approach. I think you're being very generous as it is, perhaps overly so. As for the VM messages, she made the informed decision to marry him anyway, it is her issue now. Don't trouble yourself any longer. Rather, congratualtions on your narrow escape are in order!
Author sturtel Posted October 1, 2004 Author Posted October 1, 2004 I know. It still hurts. This is the 2nd day of no contact. I'm having a hard time adjusting. The whole thing was just such a shock.
Ann Posted October 2, 2004 Posted October 2, 2004 My situation is eerily similar to yours. The guy I was seeing is due to be married very soon ( I posted on this under the heading TOTALLY BAFFLED) anyway, he continues to try and call me and sends emails - - he finally gave up leaving voice messages saying, "Please give me a call" because I never do, but he calls over and over at times of the day when he knows I'm here, calls, gets the machine, hangs up, few minutes later, tries my cell phone...I've never once answered, or replied by email. At first I went through a feeling of grief I've never experienced before, and like an idiot, I cried and cried. I couldn't turn on a tv or listen to the radio, on my days off work, I just did my shopping and errands, returned home, and spent the rest of an evening lying on the couch sobbing. And I prayed, I prayed that God wouldn't lose patience with me for spending countless hours lost in self pity, and that I'd have strength. Well, you know what? It's now about 4 weeks later, and I'm coming out of this - - I cannot tell you how much better I feel. I do feel strong. I feel immensely grateful to God that I can now see that this time of emotional hardship is passing. And I feel good about the fact that I have blocked this guy completely from any communication...I did not give an inch, and I feel that from here on out, it's all downhill, it's cake, after what I've been through. And I would rather die than ever give that man the satisfaction of knowing that he ripped my heart to pieces. If i ever do speak to him, after the wedding, I'll simply say, "oh, I did think of you and hoped the wedding would be perfect, please do be happy." I will never let him know that I suffered as I did. So, my advice to you: Tough this out, pray, be strong. Do not allow this guy to see or hear your hurt...just shut the door on him, kiss that relationship goodbye.
SoleMate Posted October 2, 2004 Posted October 2, 2004 Yes, in my jurisdiction the police will not actually repo the motorcycle for you, but they will show up with you and "keep the peace" while you take your property back. Make sure to bring your title and a key if you have one. I know someone who did this - it was a truck in her case - and it went smoothly because of the police officer there. Believe me, sturtel, there is NOTHING other than this motorcycle that this man can or should be giving you now. Once you get the bike back, it's strict NC for all eternity. Be strong, and never forget how badly he treated you, becasue it will keep you strong.
Author sturtel Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 Today I broke no contact to tell him that I want the bike back before he goes on a football tournament this weekend to Chicago. I'm going to return home on Friday from a business trip and would like the bike to be there. He left me a message saying that its still in the shop and if I feel I need to call the police go ahead. I don't know why I thought I could get him to do the decent thing since he has shown that he doesn't have a decent bone in his body. I talked to him for a few minutes and ended up in tears. Why do they have to be mean to us after they've almost killed us anyway? I still cry every day. I didn't have a very good weekend because I'm on business and was by myself in a strange city. I just feel so hopeless all the time. It hurts really bad. He crushed me. Its so hard to turn my feelings off when just 2 weeks ago I thought he was moving in with me. I get so angry knowing that he doesn't have to be alone. He's going through his life like nothing happened. I was just a glitch on the radar. Its terrible to feel like an invisible person.
SoleMate Posted October 4, 2004 Posted October 4, 2004 You should be able to pick the bike up from the shop (if you know where it is). Just show up with the title. If it is not driveable, or if money is owed on repairs, you will have to deal with that. However, you can let the shop know clearly that YOU are the owner and that the bike should be released to you. (If the bike really is in the shop...I suspect that this is a lie and delaying tactic.) BTW - it is not necessary or wise to inform him ahead of time that you will be going to the shop, or asking for police backup during repo. Also...your pain is very great. I can see that. Ann had some good advice for you. I want you to know that I sympathize, and also that I am quite sure that you dodged a major bullet in avoiding further entanglement with this man. Better to have a painful ending than pain that NEVER ends! And please...don't call him again. It hurts you emotionally and doesn't do anything to get your motorcycle back either. Just research/investigate calmly to find out where it is located, and then go and repossess with police assistance. It would be best if you could have a friend or two to be with you during this so you do not feel so alone. Excellent time to bring along a guy friend or two.
Author sturtel Posted October 4, 2004 Author Posted October 4, 2004 I don't know what shop it is in. I only know the City. He probably is lying. Why would he pay to have something done to the bike when he knows he has to give it back to me. He asked me to call him back at lunch today. I'm trying to stay busy so I won't. I really don't have anything to say. Its just painful. I just try to figure it out. I'll never get the answers I want from him. I think his whole plan was to not let me find out about the wedding so he could keep up the relationship with me and her.
Recommended Posts