Why does he hide the fact that he's in a relationship?

[i'mfaraway]

Guys, does anyone of you hide the fact that you're in a relationship?

 

I know a guy in my social group so it's not a big secret (a select few know he's started seeing someone) but he seems to go to length to hide it from me.

 

We aren't dating or on the verge of, except there's mutual attraction that nobody acted on. But I still don't understand why he would hide it from me.

 

Is that common?

[TaraMaiden]

Maybe because he wants you as a phukkbuddy?

[i'mfaraway]

Maybe because he wants you as a phukkbuddy?

 

We've never made any real advances at each other.

 

And does he not think I would have got wind that he has a girlfriend now from the others in the social group?

[TaraMaiden]

If he tells you, he can't deny it, can he?

If others tell you, he can either deny it, or play it down....

[i'mfaraway]

If he tells you, he can't deny it, can he?

If others tell you, he can either deny it, or play it down....

 

I see where you're coming from.

 

Actually he doesn't have to pat me on the shoulder and say "I forgot to tell you, I have a girlfriend now." But having an SO something that would come up naturally, in everyday conversations? Why go to that extent to hide it?

[i'mfaraway]

Any of you guys actually has done something like this? Hide the fact that you're in a relationship from someone?

 

Why do you do it?

[nerd]

Generally speaking, I'd rather not tell people when I'm in that nebulous zone of "we've had more than a few dates but don't know if it'll be long-term yet"

[i'mfaraway]

Generally speaking, I'd rather not tell people when I'm in that nebulous zone of "we've had more than a few dates but don't know if it'll be long-term yet"

 

From what I know, this isn't in that category. They've been going out for months now.

[ascendotum]

Generally speaking, I'd rather not tell people when I'm in that nebulous zone of "we've had more than a few dates but don't know if it'll be long-term yet"

 

This is what I was thinking too.

Maybe he knows its going to be just a short term thing already..ie: she'll do for a while, and rather than introduce her into his life/friends too much, he'll keep her in the background. (ie maybe she is a bit skanky) Make it easier to drop the relationship or downplay it when he makes a move on a new prospect and it wont look like he does this too much to his social circle.

[apple OR orange]

i wouldnt say all guys do it, however its likely the same reason guys dont talk about shoes, as it just not in the nature to be the first thing to admit.

 

I never talk about my personal life to anyone, i dont want them knowing what i do as a person, what i do stays with me, so i avoid all questions about me, i have learned how to taylor conversations so it avoids anything personal (if i ever need to talk to anyone for long periods of time, which isnt often).

[i'mfaraway]

i wouldnt say all guys do it, however its likely the same reason guys dont talk about shoes, as it just not in the nature to be the first thing to admit.

 

I never talk about my personal life to anyone, i dont want them knowing what i do as a person, what i do stays with me, so i avoid all questions about me, i have learned how to taylor conversations so it avoids anything personal (if i ever need to talk to anyone for long periods of time, which isnt often).

 

I get that. I am private too.

 

But would it not come out in conversations? Like "I got a huge discount at the store. My wife works there."

[TaraMaiden]

Well, we've given you a few possible reasons, and nothing seems to be hitting the mark so I suggest - you ask him.

[Aerrie]

If it were me, I might do it in order to avoid the awkwardness.

Otherwise, then there would be this elephant in the room like, umm.. I thought two of us would go somewhere so why are you with someone else now.

 

Also I would be hoping that in case the relationship fails, I would have a chance to get together with you. That chance would have been greatly diminished if you knew that I had chosen someone else over you before.

[CryForNoOne]

Any of you guys actually has done something like this? Hide the fact that you're in a relationship from someone?

 

Why do you do it?

 

I've done this before. It's very simple. He is still attracted to you and either doesn't want you to know because it makes him slightly uncomfortable or he thinks it keeps his options open with you - or a bit of both. Is that what you wanted to hear?

[i'mfaraway]

If it were me, I might do it in order to avoid the awkwardness.

Otherwise, then there would be this elephant in the room like, umm.. I thought two of us would go somewhere so why are you with someone else now.

 

Also I would be hoping that in case the relationship fails, I would have a chance to get together with you. That chance would have been greatly diminished if you knew that I had chosen someone else over you before.

 

Would you count that as some sort of cheating?

 

I've done this before. It's very simple. He is still attracted to you and either doesn't want you to know because it makes him slightly uncomfortable or he thinks it keeps his options open with you - or a bit of both. Is that what you wanted to hear?

 

This isn't an earth-shattering idea that hasn't been broached throughout this thread.

 

Is that what I wanted to hear? What you say may or may not happen. So no point wanting to hear one thing or another.

 

But why would it make you uncomfortable? I'm asking specifically about you in this instance, not hoping you would say something I want to hear.

[Aerrie]

Would you count that as some sort of cheating?

I would not call that cheating, it is just how men operate. We are, by nature, meant to spread our seed as much as possible, so why close that door when there is no need to. May come in useful later at some point.

[Emeral]

to think that much of it, you obviously care, and if you do, the only way to find out is to ask, either ask him straight up about his love life, or just ask him out or something, see how he reacts. otherwise all the reasons the guys gave were valid and he could have any combination of them to not scream it out loud, because she isnt the one, shes his gf, but he probably doesnt see it as a long term.