NC Two Months - check her twitter OUCH

[itto ogami]

One thing i'm learning about this whole NO CONTACT thing is how precarious it all is, though i understand it instinctively, my emotional mind sometimes needs (or wants to be punished by) the beatdown of reality.

 

And though I am undoubtedly feeling better stronger and clearer, i have moments where I go into a deep need to know exactly how my ex's new relationship is going (that she started the same week we were together and that she dumped me over with a Facebook message - you can read the story behind my name). I'm sure most of you men (and women) can identify with the pointless questions that rattle your brain : "Is she having better sex?" "Does she think he's funnier?" "How intimate are they with pet names n ****?" etc.

 

She has contacted me five times over the past two months (with no response at all from me) ad tried to add me on FB twice (very bizarre).

 

I know folks like da breadcrumbs because it keeps you in the loop of interaction, and hers were fairly desperate and pathetic: "I didn't really intend to start dating -----. I know how that sounds but it's true. I just ****ing miss hanging out with you. I think about you a lot, ad I hope that we can be friends. If not, I'm glad I got to spend the time I did with you." This followed by four more messages, asking for me to say anything; to tell me she had a dream wherein I hated her; and worse, to ask "how mad" would I get if she came to my gig? Fortunately she didn't come to the show, and since it was the literal two month anniversary of NC, I used that as a chapter closed.

 

Of course, she sent me a "Hope you had a good show" message a few days ago, which bugged me since I thought it would be good form to send that before the show. It would have given her respect/maturity points.

 

So in a weird mood last night -- as if I needed to know the whole story -- I found her new beau's twitter feed.

 

MISTAKE. Or was it? You tell me.

 

His twitter feed was like a parody of WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT TO READ about your ex's new relationship. Full of "WE ARE SO IN LOVE. SEX IS AMZING. GREATEST GF EVER." And tho I harbored ill-will towards this guy since she was doing us both and he won i guess, i was touched by his feelings for her and immediately felt sorry for him knowing that she would likely hurt him the way she had her fiancé and me and another guy I suspected she was seeing.

 

And yes, i read through his twitter with tears rushing down my face. But I guess I felt like i really needed to see this thing in 3D and so i did.

 

And yes, I did go to her twitter feed to see how she was responding to his paens and she was posting nothing of a romantic nature until her final tweet, "Boyfriend made me breakfast in bed, washed my dog and took my car for wash. That's love, right?" Which I found to be hilarious as it illustrates her idea of love - somebody obesesed with her and catering.

 

What bothers me for him actually is that I noted that on the dates he was gushing about this GREAT LOVE, she was sending me these messages. I don't think at all she wants to get back with me, but the NO CONTACT thing clearly rattled her. I'd like to know from the ladies if messaging "I miss you" to the guy you were just having sex with while in a new committed relationship is appropriate? And why do I need to know that it's not?

 

Today I feel better, I found out what I suspected and I paid the price.

 

This has been a cautionary tale. Social Media is The Devil.

Edited May 21, 2013 by itto ogami

[siankat]

Hmmm you might benefit from CorridorE's post in the last 2 days....it will help you reclaim your power you felt doing nc. What is ur name an acronym for?

[itto ogami]

Yes, that was a good true read.

 

And it's weird how I know all that to be true but I'm still thinkin' bout her.

 

Mainly about my mistakes in getting involved in the first place with obvious trouble:]

[aisuru]

Yes, social media is dangerous territory.

[KPChick000]

Amen!!! Social media is the devil.

 

Even though my ex and I are no longer fb friends, the temptation to look at his page is always there. It takes mucho willpower to stay away. I understand what you mean when you say you sometimes want/need that slap of reality. I've gotten slapped several times myself- not fun and not worth it.

 

Goes without saying: Resist the urge. Do not open Pandora's box.

[itto ogami]

FB I avoided - twitter....ugh.

[1908]

Yikes. Stories like this make me glad my ex blocked me on facebook after I deleted her. And thankfully she doesn't use twitter. At least to my knowledge. Not interested if she does though.

 

I guess you can't undo what's been seen. Good luck pushing past a weak moment. We all have them at some point.

[itto ogami]

Can't undo is what sucks. I have a bunch of tweet nails to roll around my skull.

 

But I still feel I needed this final proof of what I already know for some reason.

[forgetmenot75]

Ugh, reading what you've read must hurt a lot. I feel your pain.

I discovered, through sneaking on his meetme profile the guy I was seeing was starting something with another engaged woman, saying to her the things he never told me. Pretty nasty.

I deleted everything and tried to move on. I felt sick and tired and most of all, stupid, for being with someone who never cared about me.

 

I wish you can forget her, and forgive her. You need to do this to move on. You'll see, at some point, that she's not worth your time. Try to find someone else, try to have fun, try to move on. She has done so already.

[itto ogami]

Thanks.

 

I've been pretty great as far as NC with her goes but whenever she sends me a message it pulls me back. And honestly, there's no way she's telling her new BF that she's been messaging me about missing me while he's tweeting how he'd "like to spend the rest of his life with her" (true). So that makes me angry at her again for using this new guy to create more drama.

 

But yes, cold turkey of the heart is the only way. And I don't miss her I miss the vision of her I created.

[forgetmenot75]

But yes, cold turkey of the heart is the only way. And I don't miss her I miss the vision of her I created

 

 

exactly!!

 

Dont let her contact you anymore. SHE IS NOT INTO YOU ANYMORE.

[itto ogami]

The one sure thing is how truly effective NO CONTACT is - and if you do want to leave the dumper confounded, it's the only way.

 

She was young, and I have empathy. But I hope I'll be that man in her mind who walked away with his self-respect and she'll come to respect that rather than the usual ineffectual beta pleading and begging. I wish her less pain than she's inflicted (and will) on others since people so callous and manipulative are actually far off worse inside than we are going through a BU.

[LoveB86]

Stay focus, Stay strong and Stay off social media sites!

 

It's the one thing I don't have and I am obsessed with taking photos of myself. I just think it's full of drama one way or another and I like to remain a mystery to people.

 

I know it hurts like hell to read his twitter, but you are not alone. I work with my ex and his new gf. Imagine seeing these love birds monday thru friday? Talk about torture. I am pretty sure they are intimate. But all in all, remember, you should not care what/who she's thinking or doing anymore. It no longer should be your concern.

 

Now it's time to put you back to first place and keep it NC.

[Larry56]

You're relationship sounds exactly like mine. New boyfriend of my ex is completely in love but I can tell my ex isn't as much as she says she is with him.

 

I wouldn't say she isn't into you anymore. Clearly she misses you. How bout you throw her a breadcrumb and see what she says. It reaaaally doesn't matter if you come this far. Those first two months aren't gonna suddenly disintegrate.

[Chi townD]

Dude, if you can take ANYTHING away from this, at least you know how fake she is. At least you know that she treats people's emotions like play things.

 

And that's the kind of person that you don't need in your life. She's going to get burned in the end. But, not your problem anymore.

[BrokenHeartsClub]

Ok, this girl sounds like she might have been really young.

 

Judging by how you handled the whole thing you sound mature beyond your years. I wish I had the same resolve when it came to things like this.

 

I guess someone else said it best "feeling stupid for being with someone that never cared for you"

 

As for throwing her some breadcrumbs, I think your doing great with the whole NC. Why invite the 'emotional ants' to come creeping back into your life because of breadcrumbs.

 

You may even turn into the one that got away for her, either way man, great effing resolve. Stay strong.

[itto ogami]

Thanks all for the wise replies.

 

Yes, the best thing I could do for her is to be the guy that got away (tho she's young and will find more of them) and all my female friends told me I would be a LEGEND in her mind if I walk without contact and without engaging in anymore of her drama. I'm not going to classify her as a narcissist, but she definitely trolls the line between that and attention whore. Too many men in her orbit.

 

Larry56, so as far me contacting her -- NOWAY:] She also disrespected so much during the relationship (repeatedly trying to set up confrontations between me and her ex fiancé that could have led to violence given his history; lying about other men she was also dating; etc.) and the final insult was sending me a facebook dump -- and one devoid of even thought or feeling.. So i deleted her and went into instant NC. The fact she keeps sending me FB messages as an olive branch and not an actual call shows her level of immaturity and cowardice. So she made NC pretty easy.

 

Honestly? The only thing I really want to say to her is, "You can't tell me I'm amazing and important and you want me in your life forever by dumping me with a facebook message. Why would i want a friend like that?"

 

I hope she wises up and matures and maybe down the road she'll contact me in an adult respectful manner. I never say never. But I'm going to the gym now, working on why I've been so broken up over a person not worthy of me, and I have to stay ALPHA or the brahs will neg me;]

 

NO CONTACT is the one thing that I've been able to latch onto this whole time (and the threads here, tho i measure my status by how less time I spend here:]). I don't even think looking at their twitter feed was damaging, tho it hurt and it would have KILLED me to find it only days after I was dumped. It confirmed my need to stay far away from her and I have compassion for the new BF, whose twitter feed I checked one last time before I went to bed. It actually said, "Feel like I am in Hell and can't get out now."

 

I should mention I got a cryptic text from her ex fiance (who repeatedly blew my phone up with angry rants after she "accidently" left her phone out for the third time and he took my number) about three weeks ago that simply said: "Thanks." ? Bueller? Bueller?

 

And the big wheel keeps on turnin'....

Edited May 22, 2013 by itto ogami