ihateher83 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 to try and be friends with a ex ( she dumped me 7 months ago ) .. has a bf since april and has told me "you need to stop" thing is i can actually be friends with her ... why is it that she can't he friends with me she told me in march that she can't be friends with me ... at least not now ... she wouldnt feel comfortable .... can anyone explain to me what that means hahah
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 ihateher, huh.... Nice.... She can't be friends with you because she doesn't want to. Friendship for her may be impossible due to her having been too emotioanlly hurt... it may be just a step too far. And if you still have feelings for an ex- (no matter what feelings they may be) it's not possible to override those at a whim (or simply because your ex- has) and engage with that person. Things are obviously still a little sensitive or tender for her. go No Contact. Leave her alone.
TaraMaiden Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 I read your previous thread, too. She's asked you to stop. She's told you she doesn't want to be a friend. Stop pursuing her, pestering her or hanging on for her. You cannot, but cannot be her friend. You have ulterior motives. So Just Stop. 2
aisuru Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Your screenname is 'ihateher' and she's told you she doesn't want to hear from you. Why would you want to be friends with her?
BustedUpInside Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 why is it that she can't he friends with me I am not trying to be rude, but it is painfully obvious from your post that you are still way too hung up on your ex to be friends now and probably not ever. Your screen name is "I hate her", you know exactly how long she has been with her current boyfriend, and you seem really interested in pushing contact despite the fact that she has made it totally obvious that she would rather the two of you didn't speak any longer. A better question than why she won't be friends with you is why is it so important that you guys are friends? You hate her, you don't want a relationship, but you want to force a friendship? I think you should really examine your motives and then decide if maybe it isn't better for you to be in No Contact for at least a while longer. 2
Author ihateher83 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 Your screenname is 'ihateher' and she's told you she doesn't want to hear from you. Why would you want to be friends with her? haha i made the name on a whim , I SWEAR ... i don't hate her lol
Author ihateher83 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 I am not trying to be rude, but it is painfully obvious from your post that you are still way too hung up on your ex to be friends now and probably not ever. Your screen name is "I hate her", you know exactly how long she has been with her current boyfriend, and you seem really interested in pushing contact despite the fact that she has made it totally obvious that she would rather the two of you didn't speak any longer. A better question than why she won't be friends with you is why is it so important that you guys are friends? You hate her, you don't want a relationship, but you want to force a friendship? I think you should really examine your motives and then decide if maybe it isn't better for you to be in No Contact for at least a while longer. most of the things that i know , i didn't ask or find out ... people tell me things which i don't want to know... reason being why i want to be friends with her is cause we started out being great friends ... we didn't just go into dating ... and our friendship meant a lot .... my name on here was just a name to make .... it wasn't some subconscious decision or has any reason behind it haha i promise but you are right ... when she told me "you need to stop" i immed. stopped all contact ... be proud hehe but you are right one thing i am upset about is we spent 4 years going through a lot together ( i know that sounds cliche ) but it's true ... and for her to just push me under a rug and act like i'm nothing in life kinda hits home , you know ... i admit i wasn't the best bf but i was a good person to her and we have good memories ... just kind of hard to see someone get cold on you for no reason
Author ihateher83 Posted May 22, 2013 Author Posted May 22, 2013 thank you all for your honesty , i appreciate it ... and i will take into account what you all are trying to say ... i will leave her alone ... and that's what i have done ... it just strikes a nerve when someone that is so pure and selfless and just overall would do anything for you .. becomes cold hearted and acts like you are a no body that's all
BustedUpInside Posted May 22, 2013 Posted May 22, 2013 That is really tough. It really does hurt when someone acts all indifferent despite the fact that you still have an emotional connection. You're right, you guys spent a long time together, and it would be expected that she would still have some sort of feelings left about you. Well, what if that is exactly what is going on. She still cares about you as a friend but has moved on romantically to a new person. Instead of trying to rub it in your face, or force a friendship that can't happen because of all the water under the bridge, she has decided that the two of you shouldn't talk anymore. She is not ignoring you because she is indifferent, she is making a conscious decision to put aside any unresolved feelings on her part in an effort to help you move on with your life too. No more hurt words, no more painful conversations, just both of you recovering without each other there to undermine the successes. Isn't that at least possible? If it's possible then why can't you assume that is what is going on. That way, by maintaining No Contact you are helping each other and that is the most caring thing you can do. That is what a friend does.
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