Kaia92 Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 My boyfriend and I mutually decided to break up after over 10 months together. We were in a LDR of about 4 hours drive away. The reason for the breakup was that he was moving away for grad school while I am finishing up my last year of college so the distance would become a plane flight instead of a drive away making it so much more expensive. Also, when we talked about it we realized the minimum time we'd have to be in a long distance relationship was one year until I moved close for grad school or potentially three years if we went to grad schools far apart. We started out at best friends and then started dating. We both have grown really close as friends and can tell each other anything and everything. We phrased the breakup as preemptive action because we didn't have any problems and still love each other very much. But the strains, stress and pressure of such a long LDR might cause future problems that ultimately end our relationship and friendship forever. Neither of us can bear the thought of losing the other completely so we want to go back to being best friends. Lastly both of us think that we might have a chance at our relationship again in the future if we wind up close by, which could potentially be in a years time. I realize this is a weird situation but I just don't know how to manage my feelings about this. I love him so much and I can bear to lose him as my best friend. Any advice on how to manage the situation so I can keep him close and maybe have a chance later on would be amazing
siankat Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 Honestly here is what i think. I know you love each other and were friends first and are now are best friends. So are many couples and it's how it ideally should be. However, if you want to have a chance later, i would not be friends now. When one of you gets a new romantic interest you would want to be able to tell your closest friend right? I maintained a friendship with an ex in this way and we ended up being TOO frank and forthcoming and the 'relationship' side/potential, fizzled out because we became too familiar. And please understand what i mean by that is, relationships survive on amongst other things, good chemistry and a bit of sexual tension. If you become too matey you will lose that. You cannot go back to how you guys were pre relationship. If you think that, you are in for a rude shock in the too near future. If you can honestly say neither of you would mind the other being with someone else and getting involved, then i don't see a future together with you guys now!
Author Kaia92 Posted May 21, 2013 Author Posted May 21, 2013 Thanks, thats really great advice. Now when I think about it the idea of him with someone else makes me feel like someone has punched me in the stomach and I feel insanely jealous and he's told me the same thing. I guess I'll have to wait it out and see what happends
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