miklos Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 I hate it!!!! why!!! stop thinking about him. stop missing him. stop anything about him. I still wish to be with him. why did i get so attached. Is there something wrong? would a normal person still be hooked? i hate this. i wish i never met him. but i still wish i were with him ahhhhhh help me!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
BustedUpInside Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Please don't feel bad about having these feelings. You are going through a perfectly normal part of a break up. If you read a lot of the other posts on this site you will see a progression in the writings of various posters. The stages seem to be similar to those that a person goes through when dealing with a death. Denial.......Bargaining........Depression.........Anger...........Acceptance. They don't necessarily have to be in that order, but it is a natural process. Your feelings are valid and I just wanted to let you know that there is not a lot you can do except give yourself some time to come to grips with the situation and then you can heal at whatever pace works for you. Just take some deep breaths and try to stay rational. Good luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 Don't be so hard on yourself. These feelings will diminish eventually, even if it takes a while. Sh*t I'm over 7 months out and somehow lately have slipped back into thinking about my ex pretty constantly. More than I was after a month. This is how I see it: When you've been deeply in love with someone it can be impossible to shut it off. When there are unchangeable compatibility/timing issues, or they simply don't want to be with you, you have no choice but to continue living without them. Some people do their best to accept or simply not think about the absence of this person they still love, go on, and form other romantic relationships. Unless a new person enters their life who they fall even more deeply in love with, just moving forward and dating won't eradicate or even lessen their love for the ex. It keeps them distracted, but doesn't kill the love. This is where the stories come from of young couples being forced apart by circumstance/timing, only to reunite years later confessing to eachother that they never found the same connection anywhere else. Even if they were married or had multiple long term relationships in between. They had to move on because it wasn't working for whatever reason. They cut their losses. Similarly, in my own situation, I don't think time alone will vanquish my love for my ex. I've gone months with barely a depressed moment thinking of her, but sure enough, lately, it's back. Unfortunately I see this cycle continuing until I have a new love in my life. And I say this as a huge advocate of "you've gotta be happy with yourself to be healthy in a relationship", etc. My life is going great, I'm achieving things I'd always wanted to, I'm super happy with myself, etc. But romantic intimacy feels amazing and I can't deny my desire for it. So, sadly, as long as I don't have that, when I'm feeling like I want it, it's the ex I'll be thinking of. Sorry for spewing, it's all just my round about way of saying: Learn to accept your ex's absence. Don't beat yourself up for not being able to turn off the love. If it was a deep one, that's likely not possible. Learn to live with it to where it's not a distraction and isn't making you unhappy. Then you'll have the kind of clean slate on which you can build a healthy relationship when someone worthwhile comes along. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RogerWallace111 Posted May 21, 2013 Share Posted May 21, 2013 To summarize: My main point is that you can't force yourself to stop loving someone, but you can come to peace with their absence so that when a person who you're more compatible with and can potentially love as much/more than your ex shows up, you're ready for them. Don't be angry with yourself for missing/loving your ex. Give it time it will even out. Link to post Share on other sites
Ale khun Posted May 22, 2013 Share Posted May 22, 2013 You have to understand that this is a process there's no way you can make it go faster you have to go through it in order to be free . Just because you don't want to think of him it will automatically will go away , a BU it's one of the most painful things humans have to suffer more than once in our lives but this painful experience give us the opportunity to learn and to grow . Link to post Share on other sites
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