Breath Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 After 12 years we had a perfect marriage or I thought we did. Every relationship has problems. We go to a church with about 1000 members and we are very involved. My husband plays the drums there so everyone knows us. He had an affair with a single women with 2 kids that he met there. Slept with her once and then left me saying he has never been happy with me. Turned into a man a did not know. He turned 40 this year. He moved home with his parents and continued this affair. It went on right in fornt of me, God, everyone..... It is a long story and hard to put down. He came forward and said he wanted to make it work. He still loves me and all that stuff. We still go to the same church and I have to see thsi women all the time. He is a wonderful husband and father. I do beleive he is sorry for what he has done and wants to do everything he can to make it work. How do I get past it? If I do not figure out how to let it go our marriage will be over. He left me on May 26 moved home on Aug 9 2004. He was not ready to move home when he did but in the last 2 weeks I know that he is home 150%. Breath
Scott S Posted September 30, 2004 Posted September 30, 2004 I'm very sorry to hear all that. An affair is bad enough, but to be humiliated in front of everyone like that... There are 2 sides to every story, of course, & I have no way of knowing his feelings other than what you've said here. Age 40 is a milestone, of sorts. Fortunately my 40th came & went with little fanfare, no black balloons, no "over-the-hill" banners, no papier-mache cemetary markers, etc. But I digress. Reaching that age brings mixed feelings in many people. The so-called mid-life crisis occurs at this time when someone realizes they are no longer the 20-something they used to be. They see parents aging, they start feeling the effects of age themselves. They realize that perhaps they won't achieve some of the things they hoped to in their youth. Perhaps they've been replaced by a younger person in a job or relationship. So they may do things to show that they aren't so old after all. Perhaps buy a red Ford Mustang convertible. Perhaps undergoing aesthetic surgery. Perhaps a romatic tryst with a 20-something. Please understand that I'm not attempting to excuse this behavior. Be careful not to confuse explaining something with justifying it. Your saying he's a wonderful husband & father tells me you still love him, and that you want to move past this together. And you're right. You need to let go of this if you want to repair your relationship. One of the most important things to do in this process is to forgive him. Sincerely, In your heart. Pastoral or secular counseling would likely help. Definitely as a couple, and maybe you as an individual as well. You're right. Every relationship has problems. If we didn't love the other person & care about them so much, no relationship would last. ________________________ What if people stopped throwing rice at weddings, and threw potatoes instead?
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