InquiringMind Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 It's been just slightly over a year now since he left me for his coworker and I am still having trouble getting over it. We do not have any communication going nor do we share any children. I feel like I've made just a little progress in me healing process. I meet new people (just phone conversation--no sex involved) but I get afraid and worry that I will get hurt all over again so I lose interest in getting to know that person. I also don't intend on going into a relationship until I am completely divorced. At the moment we are not legally separated either. I don't want him back anymore though I did in the beginning but now I think differently about it all. I can't afford the counseling I know I need. I do pray as well. Honestly, I'm still in shock so to speak. It ended on a bad note and without closure so the not-knowing-why added unnecessary stress to the depression I'd been going through. I have tried doing things and the whole lose some weight, have fun somewhere, etc... I wasn't working before he left and the job I have now is part time, so I'm limited on income right now. I'm not looking for doctor's advice here. I'm really just sharing what's going with me as I feel I just need someone to communicate with (you all) I try to talk to people face-to-face or even on the phone and I break down, can't hold conversation long without crying. I feel like I've been holding in a much needed cry for too long but I've been there and done that...cried until I couldn't cry anymore. At one point I was doing good, had lost some weight, happy to have found a job, went back to school, been going places I've never been before but I have this empty feeling. Some have told me to go ahead and divorce him. In the beginning, I felt like why should I when he's the one that left me, the one that left me struggling, why should I have to come up with money to get divorce... he wanted the divorce then he file. But I know I couldn't keep running on that note if I wanted to start over again with someone that deserves me. He told me he was going to file but he hasn't so I am going to file myself tomorrow. I went beyond my usual for him and he still left. Someone told me that everyone eventually strays in a marriage. Of course I don't believe it but those words sorta made me think about future relationships and whether I want to even bother starting a new one. I seriously feel lonely. I'm trying my best to fight the depression. If only I had the power to speed up time and be healed from the hurt and pain sooner. I can't and better not go another year of this.
GuyInLimbo Posted May 21, 2013 Posted May 21, 2013 IM, good for you for taking the steps to finalize this. Until you do that, I think it will be hard to move on. Are you in IC? You should be. So make a call to a therapist today, please. You're clearly depressed and you should get some professional help. It's easier said than done, but stop letting the hurt he caused you to affect new relationships. Think of it like this: why the hell should HE have control over your happiness? Empower yourself. Do you run the risk of getting hurt again? Of course you do. We all do. But what's the alternative? Live alone in fear of being hurt instead? You could be missing out on the best man of your life, the best sex of your life, the best trips of your life.... Get it? Everyone does NOT eventually stray. Whoever told you that is a bitter old hag. 1
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